When dsd (11) comes back from mom's house she reeks of cigarette smoke. Bm never smoked around her until the last couple of months, so it was never an issue. Dh has asked bm to please not smoke in the car with dsd. Dsd has complained about the second hand smoke and does not like the way it smells
So my question is: Is it wrong for me to re-wash the clothes from dsd's bag and tell her to take a shower when she comes home? Tonight for example, she's already had a shower at bm's house before she got here, and bm washed all of her clothes including the hoodie sweater that dsd wears ALL the time. I could smell her before I saw her. So, I told her to put the sweater and the bag in the laundry room and I'd wash them in the morning, and told her (gently) that she should take a shower in the morning before school. She threw an all out fit about it, because she wants her sweater (even though she has at least ten more this one is her favorite) and she took a shower earlier.
She stinks. That's not my fault. Am I supposed to just let her stink, or have her wash the stink off?
I'm not judging or bashing bm at all. I don't like what she's doing but I can't stop it from happening.
UPDATE: Ok, now I'm angry. Dsd went into the laundry room this morning and took out the sweater and the bag of clothes. She wore the sweater to school and put the stinky clothes in the dresser with all of her clean clothes. I spent the entire freaking weekend doing laundry (including ironing dsd's stuff because she hates to be wrinkled) and now I have to re-wash and entire dresser and closet full of clothes because my dsd doesn't know how to follow instructions. It's all I can smell upstairs. It feels like an almost petty thing to be mad about, but I am seriously pissed off and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it from happening other than refusing to allow dsd to bring clothes from home to her mom's house.
I can smell smoke a mile away, it stinks so I would of washed her clothes that night. Not wait until morning. I've told my SDs how bad smoking is for you. They both know Terri from the tv commercial died from smoking. I've just let them know it's important not to be around smoke if you can help it. My SDs BM smokes, and while pregnant in front of the girls. BM got mad I told the girls that smoking is bad for you. It's common sense, they don't need me to tell them that. Anyways
theres nothing wrong with washing her stuff and making her shower....you know what-I've smoked (never around the kids) and i can tell not everyone cares for the smell...I never realized how bad my parents house was until after we moved out....once my dauhter started school again the teacher mentioned to me she smelled better....I didn't know whether to be offended or not. But it made me realize how bad it was.
Cig smoke sets me off....and damn near puts me in a panic (long story).
I would not tolerate someones filthy habit encroaching on my home. Just ask nicely bc its not SDs fault her mom is an idiot.
Yuck.
Her dad is furious because he and bm agreed before dsd was born that they wouldn't expose her to their second hand smoke.
Quoting pdxmum:What does her dad think?
S/O of adopting if mom died
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- peregrinus
on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:39 AM