Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Am I wrong? Update, now I'm pissed.

Posted by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:39 AM
  • 55 Replies

When dsd (11) comes back from mom's house she reeks of cigarette smoke.  Bm never smoked around her until the last couple of months, so it was never an issue.  Dh has asked bm to please not smoke in the car with dsd.  Dsd has complained about the second hand smoke and does not like the way it smells

So my question is:  Is it wrong for me to re-wash the clothes from dsd's bag and tell her to take a shower when she comes home?  Tonight for example, she's already had a shower at bm's house before she got here, and bm washed all of her clothes including the hoodie sweater that dsd wears ALL the time.  I could smell her before I saw her.  So, I told her to put the sweater and the bag in the laundry room and I'd wash them in the morning, and told her (gently) that she should take a shower in the morning before school.  She threw an all out fit about it, because she wants her sweater (even though she has at least ten more this one is her favorite) and she took a shower earlier. 

She stinks.  That's not my fault.  Am I supposed to just let her stink, or have her wash the stink off?

I'm not judging or bashing bm at all.  I don't like what she's doing but I can't stop it from happening.  


UPDATE:  Ok, now I'm angry.  Dsd went into the laundry room this morning and took out the sweater and the bag of clothes.  She wore the sweater to school and put the stinky clothes in the dresser with all of her clean clothes.  I spent the entire freaking weekend doing laundry (including ironing dsd's stuff because she hates to be wrinkled) and now I have to re-wash and entire dresser and closet full of clothes because my dsd doesn't know how to follow instructions.  It's all I can smell upstairs.  It feels like an almost petty thing to be mad about, but I am seriously pissed off and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it from happening other than refusing to allow dsd to bring clothes from home to her mom's house.  

by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:39 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
afwife817
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:12 AM
How old is she?
I can smell smoke a mile away, it stinks so I would of washed her clothes that night. Not wait until morning. I've told my SDs how bad smoking is for you. They both know Terri from the tv commercial died from smoking. I've just let them know it's important not to be around smoke if you can help it. My SDs BM smokes, and while pregnant in front of the girls. BM got mad I told the girls that smoking is bad for you. It's common sense, they don't need me to tell them that. Anyways
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:17 AM
1 mom liked this

What does her dad think?  

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 6:34 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry, but third-hand smoke is nasty too. That's the stuff that sticks to you and makes you stink. I would want those toxins washed away ASAP.
Leigh84
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 7:04 AM
I don't see anything wrong w/washing her clothes. Kids shouldn't smell like stale cigarettes.
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 7:14 AM

theres nothing wrong with washing her stuff and making her shower....you know what-I've smoked (never around the kids) and i can tell not everyone cares for the smell...I never realized how bad my parents house was until after we moved out....once my dauhter started school again the teacher mentioned to me she smelled better....I didn't know whether to be offended or not. But it made me realize how bad it was.

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 7:14 AM
I have asthma, so when SD came home from her mom's, her suitcase went upstairs to the laundry and all the clothes got washed immediately. She got showered right from the car (she usually hadn't showered that day, though). The suitcase and any other items that couldn't go in the washer got Febreezed and set outside. My health was more important than whether or not BM was offended. SD didn't like the smell either.
Amy1973Potts
by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 7:17 AM
Wash clothes, and have her shower when she gets there. Why wait. Its harmful and disgusting.

Cig smoke sets me off....and damn near puts me in a panic (long story).

I would not tolerate someones filthy habit encroaching on my home. Just ask nicely bc its not SDs fault her mom is an idiot.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kellynh
by Kelly on Feb. 24, 2014 at 8:01 AM

I don't see anything wrong with washing the clothes. Why not just wait until she is asleep and do it then? Also, can't Dad just make a rule.. Shower every night before bed. Then it wouldn't matter if she just had one. It would be a house rule. 

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 8:23 AM
I'd have her shower and wash her clothes, too.
Yuck.
peregrinus
by Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 9:09 AM

Her dad is furious because he and bm agreed before dsd was born that they wouldn't expose her to their second hand smoke. 

Quoting pdxmum:

What does her dad think?  


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)