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My House My Rules

Posted by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:16 PM
  • 45 Replies
3 moms liked this

I am very curious about this my house my rules that I keep hearing. I get that stuff for little things like no jumping on funiture, taking shoes off, etc. But for behaviour I do not get it. What happens when a child goes to another person's house? Whose rules do they follow? What about at school? I expect my kid to follow my rules no matter where he is at. If he is at another house and they have additional rules he is also suppose to follow those. If anyone's rules contradict mine he calls me and asks my permission. If his dad has an issue with a rule, he needs to bring it up with me. I give his dad the same respect. One of us would have to have a good reason to not follow a rule. The reason we do this is when he gets to be a teenager, and we are not as involved, whose rules does he follow? My kid gets busted for not following my rules no matter where he is at.

by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:21 PM

Mom and Dad should have the same rules, so no problem.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:26 PM
I agree it's not ideal. In some situations there is nothing one can do to make the other parent follow rules that thy feel are important and the other parent doesn't.
Bm's style of parenting and dh's are vastly different.
Dh feels cell phone usage should be monitored bm doesn't. Dh made it clear to dss when he laid out the rules for having his cell phone that these are dh's rules, that dss would have to address bms rules with her.
I can generally communicate fairly well with exh regarding rules or punishments. We agree on most things, however there are tv programs I allow the boys to watch that he doesn't. The boys are simply aware that these programs are not appropriate viewing at their dads house.
twinklebites
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:31 PM
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BF and I don't have the same set of rules, Kids get way more screen time and cpu time that I really like, they watch show that I would not allow them to watch here.At 7 my children understand the are slightly different rules, I give BF my opinion on things he either changes or he doesn't . I cant control that, my biggest complaint is that he lets the kids play games that are too old for them and to graphic.  His biggest complaint is I let the kids run around in their undies still, he believes at 7 they should be more modest I disagree, and the kids remain in the undies  when they wish to.

CFSTBSM27
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:33 PM
I think we overall have the same rules as BM. Reasonable bed time,picking up after yourself. Dad is mode lenient in what he allows to watch on TV and video games.. Not much different. EXCEPT apparently BM allows SD to talk back to her and we have a "No Commentary Needed" policy. .. We don't play around with back talk.
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:39 PM
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i guess this is an example?

SD14 wants to get her nosed pierced. DH has said no. Her mom has said yes. DH expects his DD to follow his rule (no piercing), even when she is at her mom's house. Her mom has offered to take her to get it done and even pay for it.  SD14 really wants to do it but she follows her dad's rule and wont do it.

FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:41 PM
I don't have to agree with exes rules but I will repect the limits he sets for son. Son will repect my limits because he knows I will bust him for disobeying mine or his dads. If son doesn't like a limit his dad set he can take it up with his dad. If he doesn't like a limit I set he can take it up with me. If son backtalks dad he still will have to deal with me. I know his dad does not back me up, but my son knows certain rules apply and to not cross me. I do not care if the other parent backs up or not son will get punished for breaking either of our rules.
KarmaBusDriver
by ChiefBottleWasher on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:41 PM
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DH & BM have never agreed on anything, even simple rules. BM doesn't believe in bedtimes for an example. DH firmly believes that sleep and enough is paramount. She even took it so far as the threaten DH to come into our house and keep the kids up. (long story and she now has a restraining order and a trespassing order so I don't have to worry about that kind of non-sense)

We definately have a Our house our rules, Moms house her rules. While it would be ideal if both parents could agree and be on the same page, with high conflict parents it isn't always possible. That is where parallel parenting comes in, and my house my rules and your house your rules. comes in to play, because honestly there isn't much choice for anything else.

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:48 PM
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I think way too much thought is being put into the my house, my rules practice on this board.

Many parents post divorce no longer coparent. It should not be difficult for kids or adults to understand that what dad might expect in his home is different than what bm expects at her home.  If either parent has an issue with the way the other parent is doing something they are welcome to address it but at the end of the day, both adults should understand that they are not the controlling factor in the other's home unless something is specified in the court order.

My ex and I have very similar parenting styles. That being said, there are still things we each do differently. Our son knows that what dad might allow mom might not and vice versa.

My dh and bm do not coparent and have very little in common when it comes to rules and expectations. The same thing applies. The skids know that dad's home is different than mom's and that is ok.

One parent is not the be all, end all, when it comes to rules unless there is something specified in the co giving that parent full responsibility for rule making.  I know that is hard for some to understand but it's the simple truth.

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:51 PM
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What the heck is that regarding the bedtimes? Bm also has no bedtimes in her home even during the week...that's fine, her choice; however, neither my dh nor I want to deal with crabby ass teens on the weekend so they have bedtimes here. We also do alot as a family on the weekends and are not a home where it's normal to get up at 2pm because we stayed up until 4am.

Bm was also upset about that and said the kids should have the freedom to decide when they need to lay down...my dh ignored and moved on. Skids were also fine with it.

 

Quoting KarmaBusDriver:

DH & BM have never agreed on anything, even simple rules. BM doesn't believe in bedtimes for an example. DH firmly believes that sleep and enough is paramount. She even took it so far as the threaten DH to come into our house and keep the kids up. (long story and she now has a restraining order and a trespassing order so I don't have to worry about that kind of non-sense)

We definately have a Our house our rules, Moms house her rules. While it would be ideal if both parents could agree and be on the same page, with high conflict parents it isn't always possible. That is where parallel parenting comes in, and my house my rules and your house your rules. comes in to play, because honestly there isn't much choice for anything else.

 

weaveress
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:51 PM

I want all of my children to follow my rules regardless of where they are. however, sd does things at BM's house that she would never do at my house. for example, she snuck out at 3am with some of her friends and went to the park. BM wanted to know how to punish her. I told her idk because she wouldn't have done this at my house. so BM asked SD if she would do this at (my) house and Sd said no juju(me) would beat my ass. BM just threw her arms up and didn't give her any punishment. 

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