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Co-parent meeting

Posted by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 9:28 AM
  • 42 Replies
So we had our coparenting meeting. It included both parents as well as SF and I. It was super awkward at first and felt very tense when we first got there. BM let DH start and stared at him with a look like "I don't care about what you're going to say" but after she heard what he had to say her mood lightened. She even asked for my input and DH asked for SF input. BM explained that she wasn't being nasty to me intentionally. She just wanted more communication with DH and when I told her that I felt the same she laughed and said that was why we needed meetings. Lol. All the money issues got corrected and the hostility between DH and SF seemed to go away too.

After the 2 hour meeting I feel much better. Even this morning she is back to speaking to me so I know she feels better too.

We all agreed to periodically have these meetings so the 4 of us can be on the same page and continue to work through things as a team.

Now to just get the kids to realize they can't pin us against each other lol.
by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 9:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Feb. 26, 2014 at 9:32 AM
1 mom liked this
I never understood why parents need their spouses involved in decisions about how they parent their kids. its,really strange to me, I wouldn't have gone
Thom3Mom
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 9:38 AM
A fresh perspective basically. We were there so we could understand the agreements made between BM and DH. Neither SF or I made any decisions or put our two cents in unless we were asked to help.

Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: I never understood why parents need their spouses involved in decisions about how they parent their kids. its,really strange to me, I wouldn't have gone
daddysgf
by and that's all on Feb. 26, 2014 at 9:40 AM

Me either... I always wonder how they would have parented as a nuclear family

Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: I never understood why parents need their spouses involved in decisions about how they parent their kids. its,really strange to me, I wouldn't have gone


gangof6
by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 9:42 AM
1 mom liked this

That's awesome!! Sounds like something my blended family could benefit from...

momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 9:45 AM

I never understood either but the SP's do add a certain dynamic.  It can be valuable to have them their to explain their point of view.  BF and SM have always been negative about my DH.  It came out that they feel he doesn't care about DS.  So not true.  They took it that way because he doesn't get in a tiff about things.  He lets me handle them because I'm his mom and he feels that some discussion should be between me and BF.  But them finding that out finally from his mouth and sitting accross from SM saying your DH has 3 kids with 3 moms and there is no permancy in life.  It was eye opening for them.

Thom3Mom
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 9:54 AM
1 mom liked this
And that's exactly why this meeting was set up. Everyone had assumptions about the others and it was causing tension. At the end of the meeting everyone was laughing and much more relaxed. I know people don't include the step parents much but I think hearing things decided straight from DH and SM made it better for SF and I. We got an understanding of how they want to parent and how they want to decide on things.

Quoting momof2cuteboys:

I never understood either but the SP's do add a certain dynamic.  It can be valuable to have them their to explain their point of view.  BF and SM have always been negative about my DH.  It came out that they feel he doesn't care about DS.  So not true.  They took it that way because he doesn't get in a tiff about things.  He lets me handle them because I'm his mom and he feels that some discussion should be between me and BF.  But them finding that out finally from his mouth and sitting accross from SM saying your DH has 3 kids with 3 moms and there is no permancy in life.  It was eye opening for them.

WickedPissah
by Gold Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 10:52 AM
It screams, wife here.

Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: I never understood why parents need their spouses involved in decisions about how they parent their kids. its,really strange to me, I wouldn't have gone
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this

I think the key is that many didn't exactly co parent when they were in an intact family.

Many families have a dynamic where one parent is the "primary".  The other parent rolls with it.  Post divorce, each parent is parenting separately and if there is bad blood between them, often independently of each other because they wouldn't dare bounce ideas off of each other or consider the other person's thoughts.

Oftentimes, it's the father who has been rather uninvolved in the day to day parenting and when he remarries, he happily offers up (or pawns off) that responsibility on SM.  It can go the other way too.  In my sitch BM was not involved in the day to day parenting/responsibility when they were married and continued to expect DH to handle things post divorce. 

So I can see benefits in having the people involved in the child's life all sitting down to go over things in a format where there is no written word to be misinterpreted, and no ability to misconstrue what was discussed.  It avoids confusion and allows people to get on the same page.


Quoting daddysgf:

Me either... I always wonder how they would have parented as a nuclear family

Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: I never understood why parents need their spouses involved in decisions about how they parent their kids. its,really strange to me, I wouldn't have gone



weebis
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:54 AM

Then it must also scream, "husband here" as the Stepfather was also there...

Quoting WickedPissah: It screams, wife here.
Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: I never understood why parents need their spouses involved in decisions about how they parent their kids. its,really strange to me, I wouldn't have gone

 

WickedPissah
by Gold Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:57 AM
I'm sure he had to tag along.


Quoting weebis:

Then it must also scream, "husband here" as the Stepfather was also there...


Quoting WickedPissah: It screams, wife here.
Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: I never understood why parents need their spouses involved in decisions about how they parent their kids. its,really strange to me, I wouldn't have gone

 

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