I'm Distant and Disengaged with Stepkids- Need Advice to turn things around!
I need some advice. I have no children of my own, my SO has two children (girl-7, boy-5) from his previous marriage. We have been together for over a year and my involvement with the kids started very early in our relationship. For the first 9 months, everything was great. I enjoyed spending time with the kids (50/50 custody), we did fun activities, took vacations, the kids adore me, and the BM is not really an issue. But the last few months, and since we have moved in together, things have changed. Not with the SO, BM, or kids, but just with me.
We are literally waiting to hear from the judge any day that the divorce has been finalized. We are actively looking for a home to buy, and I am under the impression that an engagement will happen soon....or at least that was the plan.
How have things changed with me? I dread the weeks the kids will be with us. I no longer enjoy particiating in activities with them, I find it forced and I am just generally moody and unhappy. My SO has noticed and we have talked about my feelings and now he wants to put our plans on hold. He has assured me he still loves me and wants our relationship, but he's worried I'm not ready. On the weeks when the kids are not with us, everything is perfect.
My feelings are that of confusion. I feel in my heart that I want this life with him, the kids, and eventually our own children. I just don't understand why it is so hard for me to be happy around the kids. They are great children, respectful, loving, well behaved, they love me and want me around. My SO is very supportive of me taking a role of parent, helping with the kids, disciplining, etc. So why am I pulling away, becoming distant and disengaged? I just don't know where these feelings are coming from and I desperately want things to get better for this relationship to work. Help!!