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Telling the child not to share "personal business"

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:09 AM
  • 80 Replies

Do you think it's right to tell a child they are to in essense keep secrets from their other parent to keep what you feel is your "personal business" away from the other parent?

Do you discuss what is YOUR personal business versus what is the child's business?

by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
owl0210
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:13 AM
I keep my 4 yr old son out of any adult conversation. Unfortunately my soon to be 5 yr old step-son knows way too much about adult issues.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:16 AM

I'm not just talking about conversations that happen around or with the children.

But, things that happen around them; like guests/friends of the adults who come over, a parent dating again (and fighting arguing with their SO around the children), whether or not the parent is working when the child is with them (and who is babysitting the child while the parent works), etc.

Quoting owl0210: I keep my 4 yr old son out of any adult conversation. Unfortunately my soon to be 5 yr old step-son knows way too much about adult issues.


cdrainey3
by Cher on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:17 AM
5 moms liked this
I don't think that's ok. You should never tell a child to keep a secret from their parents. Unless its a fun happy secret, like a gift. Also, parents should not discuss their adult issues and worries around children anyways. My dh and I are very careful what we talk about when ss is over. We know he will go tell his mom, he tells us everything his mom does. I don't think that kind of burden should be placed on a child.
FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:17 AM
1 mom liked this

No. My son knows if someone tells him to keep a secret, he should tell me or his dad. If one of us tells him to keep it a secret, then he should tell the other.

 

kristinbugg
by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:18 AM
1 mom liked this
No. I don't think it is appropriate for one parent to force a child to be secretive with the other parent.
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:19 AM

 Why would you tell a child this was personal business?

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

I'm not just talking about conversations that happen around or with the children.

But, things that happen around them; like guests/friends of the adults who come over, a parent dating again (and fighting arguing with their SO around the children), whether or not the parent is working when the child is with them (and who is babysitting the child while the parent works), etc.

Quoting owl0210: I keep my 4 yr old son out of any adult conversation. Unfortunately my soon to be 5 yr old step-son knows way too much about adult issues.

 

 

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:21 AM
2 moms liked this

No, children don't need to be thinking about those things and eventually they will learn what is appropriate vs not appropriate to carry from one household to the other.

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:22 AM
3 moms liked this

My dh and I never discuss anything remotely personal around his kids for that very reason...if we don't want our business in bm's home we don't share it with his kids...period.

I don't think it's necessarily right or wrong to tell a child that some things are to be kept private but the easiest way to handle it is to do what I stated above.

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this

My brother lives with me right now. I told my kids that it isn't anyone's business what happened to cause this. I didn't specify who not to tell, just that there is no need to discuss that.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:23 AM

That I can understand.

But, would you tell your kids they can't tell anyone that your brother is living with you? And would you tell them they specifically can't tell their dad and their counselor?


Quoting packermom4ever:

My brother lives with me right now. I told my kids that it isn't anyone's business what happened to cause this. I didn't specify who not to tell, just that there is no need to discuss that.


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