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Birthday gift confusion HELP!

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 7:52 PM
  • 33 Replies
I'm looking for thoughts on how to handle birthday presents for my husband from his kids/ my step kids. Every year the ex has taken the kids shopping for gifts for him for birthday/Christmas and Father's Day. This weekend I got asked by the kids "were you planning on taking us to get gifts for our Dad?" The ex has them this weekend and I have little time tomorrow night to take them before his birthday Tuesday. It has happened one other time and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to which holiday this question comes up for. This time I responded no I wasn't planning on it, because I wasn't.
Am I wrong in assuming the kids mother will make sure the kids have gifts for them? Obviously if they show up empty handed I'll make sure they have something but what should the expectation be? How do you all handle gift giving from the step kids to their parent?
by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 7:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:03 PM

BM deals with presents from the stepkids to dad and dad deals with all presents from kids to mom.

amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't buy my ex presents and he doesn't buy me presents
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:15 PM
3 moms liked this

I think it just depends on the family.  No right or wrong per se, but I think it makes sense for you to do it.

In our case, BM did those sorts of gifts until (now) DH and I were living together and then it became my job.  I also take the kids to get their gifts for their mom.  It hadn't occurred to me either to take over this responsibility but BM said, "So you'll be taking the kids now, right?" And I just went from there.

I think you got that general "hint" from the kids.  The torch is trying to be passed.

Unless BM really wants to do it, it makes sense for you to be doing it.  It's your husband and BM probably isn't that hip to spending money on gifts for her ex.


Boobear110
by Audra on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:25 PM

Same here. 

Quoting amantonacci: I don't buy my ex presents and he doesn't buy me presents


wise.toes
by Silver Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:29 PM

in this house, i help with gifts from skids to SO, BM doesn't do it for them. SO doesn't do it for BM either.

FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 10:25 PM
I left it up to my kid what he wanted to do. Sometimes he asks and sometimes he doesn't. When he asks I take him.
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 2:00 AM

How old are the kids?  How long have you been the SM?  Maybe BM handled it before you became SM? (If you lived with BF and the kids but weren't married yet, maybe that's why?) 

I used to handle the gifts from the boys for BF but he never reciprocated.  I finally stopped doing this.  He didn't like it the first year and when he complained to me I pointed out how he'd NEVER taken them shopping for me (my mom or xMIL did, often with my money, which was fine but that wasn't the point I was making for BF).  Since then I've not purchased for him and he's not purchased for me (still).  I give the kids money and either take them somewhere to shop for me or they ask my mom or xMIL to take them.  Either they don't give to BF or xMIL takes them (even though she doesn't have the money for that). 

This works in my situation.  IF he'd reciprocated in taking the boys shopping for my birthday, Christmas, etc., I'd have continued that, as I thought that was the right thing to do.  I stopped when he COMPLAINED to the boys that what they bought him wasn't what they should have purchased, and SM told them they were 'cheap'!  The boys came home sad.  I talked to them and explained why I wasn't going to participate anymore.  They understood. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 7:44 AM

same here too.

Quoting Boobear110:

Same here. 

Quoting amantonacci: I don't buy my ex presents and he doesn't buy me presents


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 8:03 AM
1 mom liked this

Who takes care of the gifts for Mom from the kids?

zannahdeux
by Silver Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 8:26 AM

I am sure bm is tired of buying her ex presents. I feel this is the steps responsibility but in my case our bm is dating a married guy that the skids never see so I take them for anything they want for bm when they ask

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