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I wish there was more consideration

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 7:55 PM
  • 122 Replies

I know that BM has no obligation when it comes to my house, but that doesn't stop me from wishing that she acted a bit more consideration. For those of you that read my last post where I mentioned being sick with the flu, it actually wasn't the flu, it was a pneumonia that landed me in the hospital for 4 days on oxygen. So basically, I'm really susceptible to illness, almost any little thing has the possibility of turning into another pneumonia. This is relevant because the stepsons went to their mothers house this weekend and it turns out they have sickness going through the home. I know that she wants her time with the boys, I don't fault her for that, but it would have been great if she had given my husband a heads up because he told her at the last visit about what was going on with me and how serious it was. If she didn't know, then this whole subject would be irrelevant because she would have no idea that a little sickness being sent to our home could be a really serious thing and how could I be even a little upset. This post really is just a vent, I know that there's nothing I can do to fix it, and I know that BM isn't a considerate person when it comes to us, but it frustrates me that she tries to act like she is,

I.E: She called my husband yesterday to tell him about the boys'  sickness. Saying that she knows that I'm getting over my sickness and is there anything he wants her to do. 

It bothers me because the obvious way to have handled this, if she really cared about how the illness would affect me or our home, she would have told DH about it before the start of the visit. I can cope with her just not telling DH about it until we're at her house picking them up at the end of the visit, I wouldn't like it, but that is a cut and dry irritant, but I really can't stand that she pretends to care by "letting us know" and asking about a solution when it's clear what a truly considerate person would have done.

Again, this is a vent, I'm fully aware that this is my reality with this woman. I'm a bit sensitive because I'm  having a bit of anxiety about getting sick because I really don't want to end up in the hospital again, and that's a real possibility. I'm even nervous about going to my 3 year olds preschool because of all the potential sickness, lol. Anyways, that's all I have to say, glad to have it out of my head. 

by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 7:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
RitaTequila531
by HushBreatheRelax on Mar. 2, 2014 at 7:58 PM
>.<
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:14 PM
1 mom liked this
So what would you have wanted mom to do about the situation?
lovelymomma87
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:31 PM

Switched weekends, same thing she did when she had custody. She would keep the kids because they were sick and told my husband that it would be best for them to have their visit when they were better.

Quoting amantonacci: So what would you have wanted mom to do about the situation?


wise.toes
by Silver Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:31 PM
3 moms liked this

she called and informed DH, even asked if there was anything SHE could do! ..how is that inconsiderate? that's more than most would do.

lovelymomma87
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:37 PM

She called after the boys caught the sickness that was already present BEFORE the boys came to her house. She knew before they came there, that there was a good chance of them catching it, she also didn't do much to keep the sick kids from the healthy ones, my SS told us how his step-brother was free to roam all over the house with this sickness and be in close contact with him. To ask what you can do in a situation that there CLEARLY isn't anything that can be done is stupid to me. It's insulting, because honestly, what was she going to do, magically make them better? The smart thing to have done would have been to switch the weekend, or at least talked to DH before she got the kids to give a heads up, IF she really wanted to be considerate. 

Quoting wise.toes:

she called and informed DH, even asked if there was anything SHE could do! ..how is that inconsiderate? that's more than most would do.


amantonacci
by Gold Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:43 PM
But her kids weren't sick before they went over there... Why should have to give up time with them when it's not guaranteed they'd get sick?

Quoting lovelymomma87:

Switched weekends, same thing she did when she had custody. She would keep the kids because they were sick and told my husband that it would be best for them to have their visit when they were better.

Quoting amantonacci: So what would you have wanted mom to do about the situation?

wise.toes
by Silver Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:51 PM
1 mom liked this

wow. i don't even know what to say here.

Quoting lovelymomma87:

She called after the boys caught the sickness that was already present BEFORE the boys came to her house. She knew before they came there, that there was a good chance of them catching it, she also didn't do much to keep the sick kids from the healthy ones, my SS told us how his step-brother was free to roam all over the house with this sickness and be in close contact with him. To ask what you can do in a situation that there CLEARLY isn't anything that can be done is stupid to me. It's insulting, because honestly, what was she going to do, magically make them better? The smart thing to have done would have been to switch the weekend, or at least talked to DH before she got the kids to give a heads up, IF she really wanted to be considerate. 

Quoting wise.toes:

she called and informed DH, even asked if there was anything SHE could do! ..how is that inconsiderate? that's more than most would do.


lovelymomma87
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:55 PM

The other kids in her house WERE sick when the boys went over there. Yes, the boys weren't sick when they went over, but she knew how likely it was that they would, and she did nothing to keep them from it. I didn't say that she should lose time, just change it, at the very least take the health of her children into consideration. Why bring them into a contagious environment?

Quoting amantonacci: But her kids weren't sick before they went over there... Why should have to give up time with them when it's not guaranteed they'd get sick?
Quoting lovelymomma87:

Switched weekends, same thing she did when she had custody. She would keep the kids because they were sick and told my husband that it would be best for them to have their visit when they were better.

Quoting amantonacci: So what would you have wanted mom to do about the situation?


amantonacci
by Gold Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 8:58 PM
2 moms liked this
Cause shit happens and that's life? Most places are contagious breeding grounds especially for kids... Hell going to the grocery store or the gas station can get you sick...

Quoting lovelymomma87:

The other kids in her house WERE sick when the boys went over there. Yes, the boys weren't sick when they went over, but she knew how likely it was that they would, and she did nothing to keep them from it. I didn't say that she should lose time, just change it, at the very least take the health of her children into consideration. Why bring them into a contagious environment?

Quoting amantonacci: But her kids weren't sick before they went over there... Why should have to give up time with them when it's not guaranteed they'd get sick?

Quoting lovelymomma87:

Switched weekends, same thing she did when she had custody. She would keep the kids because they were sick and told my husband that it would be best for them to have their visit when they were better.

Quoting amantonacci: So what would you have wanted mom to do about the situation?

lovelymomma87
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 9:07 PM

Yeah, I know. And none of those people act like they give a shit about whether or not their sickness affects you. That's my whole point, it would have been better if she had just zipped her lip, because the reality is that she doesn't care, and to pretend is ridiculous. It would've even been better if she had called JUST to say that the boys were sick, but asking if there's anything she can do because of my situation is dumb BECAUSE it's so clear that nothing can be done. I don't know how to make my point ANY clearer! If she actually cared, she would have done things different. The fake is what bothers me.

Quoting amantonacci: Cause shit happens and that's life? Most places are contagious breeding grounds especially for kids... Hell going to the grocery store or the gas station can get you sick...
Quoting lovelymomma87:

The other kids in her house WERE sick when the boys went over there. Yes, the boys weren't sick when they went over, but she knew how likely it was that they would, and she did nothing to keep them from it. I didn't say that she should lose time, just change it, at the very least take the health of her children into consideration. Why bring them into a contagious environment?

Quoting amantonacci: But her kids weren't sick before they went over there... Why should have to give up time with them when it's not guaranteed they'd get sick?
Quoting lovelymomma87:

Switched weekends, same thing she did when she had custody. She would keep the kids because they were sick and told my husband that it would be best for them to have their visit when they were better.

Quoting amantonacci: So what would you have wanted mom to do about the situation?


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