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Step monster?

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 11:30 PM
  • 26 Replies

My spouse gets his son every other weekend, his son manipulates him so bad. The only thing he ate today was a few slices of cheese and candy, and not because we didn't feed him, but because he wont eat anything we fixed for him (bowl of cereal, a cup of velveeta shells and cheese, and then red beans and rice for dinner). His dad tells him to eat three bites and then he can have desert.........and I'm like "whoa, he hasn't eaten a full meal all day and you're going to reward him with a brownie?" Am I terrible to think there is something wrong with that? Oh yeah, I'm new to this site and would appreciate any help and patience! How do I find out what BM and DH mean?

by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 11:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 11:34 PM
1 mom liked this

BM=Bio mom AKA Mom

DH=Dear Husband (or damned husband depending on your sitch, LOL!)

SM=Step mom

With regards to your post...nah, you're not wrong, that's silly.  But if that's what your DH wants to do, it's his child.  You can direct him to information about why that's a bad idea, but it's not worth getting in a fight over.

Here's a link about food issues.  Assuming your SS is younger....even if not, these tips may help.

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/solutions-for-toddler-eating-problems

Johna185
by New Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 11:40 PM

Thank you! He is 6, and has extremely bad teeth. I know that it is not worth getting into a fight over it, yet I feel like he undermines me and that in my SS eyes it's ok. DH always retorts back with "what do you want me to do, beat him? I don't want him to beat him, just hold him accountable and use a little discipline.

progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 11:41 PM
BM = biomom
DH = dear (dumb) husband

In this scenerio, let DH lead. Not your kid, not your problem.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 11:53 PM
1 mom liked this
My kids wouldn't have eaten any of that either lol sorry.
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Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 12:01 AM

Let dad lead. It will be ok. Make sure he has a tooth brush. 

Johna185
by New Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 12:09 AM

Before DH took him home tonight SS said that he was starving because nobody would feed him. Once he tells his mother that, the crap is going to hit the fan. And there is no talking to her, she takes everything out of context.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 1:47 AM

If SS (stepson) manipulates his BF so bad, that's BFs problem, not yours.  If SS goes back to BM and tells her he's starving because no one would feed him, she wouldn't be taking anything out of context.  At 6 he likely doesn't have the vocabulary to tell you/DH what he WANTS to eat and to come to some sort of compromise between what he may want and what is actually healthy for him too nor does he have the vocabulary or comprehension of his words to tell BM "hey mom, dad and SM offered me cereal, mac n cheese adn red beans and rice but I didn't want any of that, so I didn't eat anything today", so he'll say, as most 6yos would, that no one fed him anything.  If he was a teen he'd go home starving and say 'there's nothing to eat at dads house', even with a completely stocked fridge and pantry.  That's how kids are.  How BM may/may not take what her DS tells her is DH's problem, not yours.  Don't let it be yours. 

My own YDSs (11) teeth were terrible.  It wasn't from a poor diet, he just had/has bad teeth. His adult teeth, thankfully, are coming in healthier than his baby teeth did.  ODS16, same parents, his teeth are really good (surprisingly good sometimes).  YDS just drew the bad luck when it came to teeth.  :(  It happens sometimes.

Maybe, sometime when SS isn't at your home (plenty of days this is true), sit down with DH and talk to him, calmly, about what HE thinks is a healthy diet to offer his son when he's there and what he expects.  Also, next visit, maybe the three of you sit down and let SS6 help PLAN the meals to be offered that weekend, and the next one. 

owl0210
by Bronze Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 4:40 AM
Try not to worry about it and let your husband deal with his son. Just do your thing and you won't be stressed out.
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 6:42 AM

why do you care what his son eats? He's only there every other weekend. Why make this your problem?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 6:43 AM

I'm guessing you don't have kids.  


ETA: oops I see you have a baby. well, when she gets to be 6, you will see that kids that age sometimes don't want to eat. it's not something you would "discipline" them for. If they're hungry, they'll eat. If not, most people advise you dont make a big deal out of it.

Quoting Johna185:

Thank you! He is 6, and has extremely bad teeth. I know that it is not worth getting into a fight over it, yet I feel like he undermines me and that in my SS eyes it's ok. DH always retorts back with "what do you want me to do, beat him? I don't want him to beat him, just hold him accountable and use a little discipline.


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