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NCP and stepchild's school

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:26 PM
  • 47 Replies
If NCP has joint legal custody, is there any reason for NCP to discuss with the CP any meetings he has had with the stepchild's teachers?

Wouldn't the NCP be free to visit his child at school and make arrangements with the school without CP's knowledge?
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by on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Leigh84
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:33 PM
The NCP is free to meet w/the teachers. I guess I don't see why the NCP wouldn't discuss it w/the cp, at least after the fact since the meeting would be pertaining to their child. Even if it was the cp meeting w/the teacher I don't see why they wouldn't discuss it w/the NCP if it's having to do w/the child. I think communication between parents is important.
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:34 PM
1 mom liked this
I would think that it would be mentioned just as a courtesy. Also, it puts the teacher in an awkward position if it appears there was a 'secret' meeting.I don't think they are required to get into all the details, but they should mention the meeting took place.
Boobear110
by Audra on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:40 PM

There wouldn't technically be a reason that the NCP woukd have to tell the CP of a meeting at the school but it woukd be a courtesy . 

If the NCP was meeting with the school/ teacher because they were concerned about something it should be discussed with CP. 

if they are meeting with the teacher just to say hey I'm Mom/Dad then I don't see why it woukd have to be discussed. 

Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:41 PM
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Yes they would. Just as the CP can to check in and address concerns. I think it is fine to address with the other parent after checking in, if there are concerns, else not needed.

FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:50 PM

If there is a concern then both parties need to be notified but other than that no. If the arrangements are so NCP can get information then no, but if the arrangements are to get a IEP then yes it needs to be discussed with the OP. In my son's school however anytime there is a meeting, usually a note is put in the file. I visit my son every Friday and there is a record in his school file of same because I have to sign in or out. The OP has access to this information whenever he wants as do I. Just realize if you go this route expect the same in return and quit expecting the OP to give information. Also don't be surprised if the OP finds out if she has a relationship with the teacher or principal or child.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:52 PM

(in red below) was my first thought too.  Despite what may/may not be going in with the CP/NCP, NOT telling the OP about the meeting could (not necessarily will, but could) put the teacher in an awkward position, one which they may or may not realize they're being put in. 

Visiting the school and having a meeting are two different things, IMO.  Visiting the school could simply be showing up for an awards ceremony, having lunch with the child, helping in the classroom, etc.  Nothing during these times are being 'discussed' about the child (assuming both parents know about the awards ceremony and such).  But, to request a meeting with the teacher, yeah, if they both have legal custody, then the other parent should know about it (even after the fact). 

(edited) For instance, a long/longer distant NCP may only be able to meet with the teacher to discuss, face to face, the childs progress at a time outside of the normal PT Conference times.  So, NCP sets up a meeting separate from CP to discuss the same issues teacher has discussed with the CP, or at least offered the time to discuss with the CP as well during PT conference times (not all CPs go). 

Quoting HopesNDreams: I would think that it would be mentioned just as a courtesy. Also, it puts the teacher in an awkward position if it appears there was a 'secret' meeting.I don't think they are required to get into all the details, but they should mention the meeting took place.


leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 8:20 PM

I agree communication between parents is important however the meeting mainly occurred because there is no longer communication between the parents.

Quoting Leigh84: The NCP is free to meet w/the teachers. I guess I don't see why the NCP wouldn't discuss it w/the cp, at least after the fact since the meeting would be pertaining to their child. Even if it was the cp meeting w/the teacher I don't see why they wouldn't discuss it w/the NCP if it's having to do w/the child. I think communication between parents is important.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 8:27 PM

Would you have the same requirement of the CP, that is to inform the NCP of the meeting as a courtesy?

Quoting HopesNDreams: I would think that it would be mentioned just as a courtesy. Also, it puts the teacher in an awkward position if it appears there was a 'secret' meeting.I don't think they are required to get into all the details, but they should mention the meeting took place.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 8:36 PM

 I don't think a professional would care.  They would preform their unbiased duty.  They have a responsibility to address concerns with the parents. I doubt they'd think twice of a conflict of interest and if they did, fairly confident they have been instructed how to manage this professionally. I know, as a professional, I would give fair and unbiased information to both parties. Same information would be available and given to all. If you are neutral, as a teacher should be, then it makes it easier. It is no different than a person dealing with their own questions and concerns directly. I actually prefer that.

 

Quoting jules2boys:

(in red below) was my first thought too.  Despite what may/may not be going in with the CP/NCP, NOT telling the OP about the meeting could (not necessarily will, but could) put the teacher in an awkward position, one which they may or may not realize they're being put in. 

Visiting the school and having a meeting are two different things, IMO.  Visiting the school could simply be showing up for an awards ceremony, having lunch with the child, helping in the classroom, etc.  Nothing during these times are being 'discussed' about the child (assuming both parents know about the awards ceremony and such).  But, to request a meeting with the teacher, yeah, if they both have legal custody, then the other parent should know about it (even after the fact). 

(edited) For instance, a long/longer distant NCP may only be able to meet with the teacher to discuss, face to face, the childs progress at a time outside of the normal PT Conference times.  So, NCP sets up a meeting separate from CP to discuss the same issues teacher has discussed with the CP, or at least offered the time to discuss with the CP as well during PT conference times (not all CPs go). 

Quoting HopesNDreams: I would think that it would be mentioned just as a courtesy. Also, it puts the teacher in an awkward position if it appears there was a 'secret' meeting.I don't think they are required to get into all the details, but they should mention the meeting took place.

 

 

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 8:45 PM

I have no personal experience with this as BF and I attend all PT Conferences together, if he can't make it I freely share the papers given by the teacher and freely share (via email) a recap of the meeting as well.  I've done this since ODS15 was in K, we work well together.  However, I'm in contact with my kids teachers before the PTC time if there is a problem/issue that arises. 

What I was referring to by being put 'in the middle' is, it seems at least at the 3 schools my boys have attended (elementary, jr. high, and HS), XH and I seem to be an anomaly to having joint meetings.  Each teacher my boys have had have seemed 'surprised' that we could/would meet together, and I've had a few tell me how relieved they are not to be put 'in the middle' of whatever issue CP/NCP have over their shared child.   I can't imagine doing that to my kids teacher but apparently it's more prevalent than I'd hope.  :(  I'd prefer not to have a PTC with my XH as he sounds like an idiot much of the time, but, I just shrug it off and deal, it's only a couple of times a year so I'll survive. ;)  But, I have heard stories (no names, just situations) from some of the teachers I got to know on a more personal level just left me shaking my head in wonder and disgust.  :( 

I do understand what you are saying about a professional being a neutral party, and I do agree with that, until/unless one party is trying to get the teacher to 'take sides', then it can get ugly from what I've heard. 

That's one reason I said that if the NCP (or the CP) wants to have a meeting with the teacher, at least notify the OP after the meeting 'hey, I met with Mr. Smith to discuss Johnnies progress.  No need to let me know his updates now.'

Quoting Silent_Sea:

 I don't think a professional would care.  They would preform their unbiased duty.  They have a responsibility to address concerns with the parents. I doubt they'd think twice of a conflict of interest and if they did, fairly confident they have been instructed how to manage this professionally. I know, as a professional, I would give fair and unbiased information to both parties. Same information would be available and given to all. If you are neutral, as a teacher should be, then it makes it easier. It is no different than a person dealing with their own questions and concerns directly. I actually prefer that.


Quoting jules2boys:

(in red below) was my first thought too.  Despite what may/may not be going in with the CP/NCP, NOT telling the OP about the meeting could (not necessarily will, but could) put the teacher in an awkward position, one which they may or may not realize they're being put in. 

Visiting the school and having a meeting are two different things, IMO.  Visiting the school could simply be showing up for an awards ceremony, having lunch with the child, helping in the classroom, etc.  Nothing during these times are being 'discussed' about the child (assuming both parents know about the awards ceremony and such).  But, to request a meeting with the teacher, yeah, if they both have legal custody, then the other parent should know about it (even after the fact). 

(edited) For instance, a long/longer distant NCP may only be able to meet with the teacher to discuss, face to face, the childs progress at a time outside of the normal PT Conference times.  So, NCP sets up a meeting separate from CP to discuss the same issues teacher has discussed with the CP, or at least offered the time to discuss with the CP as well during PT conference times (not all CPs go). 

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