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Am I alone out here?

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:07 PM
  • 32 Replies
1 mom liked this

I have been reading a lot of posts and responses and I am wondering who else out there actually has a great relationship with their kid's BM?

My kids' BM and I are great coparents as well as actual friends.  We are planning a girl scout camping trip, cheer on the kids together from the sidelines at sporting events, attend class parties, discipline, parent, ask each other for advice, get frustrated with each other and get over it and just love our kids.  She appreciates how much I love "her" kids and I appreciate her willingness to let me be an active part of their lives.  We both live by the mantra that no child can ever have too many people to love them...

My SK's will have a lot of great memories because we get along.  They will have pictures of both their dad and SD helping at baseball practice, their mom and SM in their matching games hats (that BM made for us), my SD will have the memory of camping with Mom & SM together and so on.  Am I just out here alone with this relationship? I hope there are others who experience this type of interaction.

(Please don't think everything has always been perfect, it hasn't.  There were a couple years at the beginning where we did not really speak beyond a very formal hello, then about a year of getting to know each other and realizing neither of us where out to get the other, no harm was going to befall us by being friends and then we actually just both went through pregnancy at the same time.  Her youngest is just a few weeks older than my son.  I relied on her pregnancy expertise heavily since it was all new to me.  I think sometimes just realizing that we both have things to bring to the table and valuing the opinions and interest of the other are the small steps it takes to really get a relationship moving in the right direction.)

by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mama_church
by New Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:18 PM
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I get along great with BM and DDs SM, we're usually a united front on everything.

kimjo81
by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:21 PM

 

Quoting mama_church:

I get along great with BM and DDs SM, we're usually a united front on everything.

 Thank you so much for your response.  I am excited to hear of others that have similar relationships.

Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:23 PM

Lucky! I really wish we all could get along...and that BM didn't marry the type of man she married, that would help...

kimjo81
by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:25 PM

 

Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

Lucky! I really wish we all could get along...and that BM didn't marry the type of man she married, that would help...

 I am sorry to hear the BM married someone who isn't ideal.  It makes it hard for everyone involved when the parent's can't get along.  It seems that 9 times out of 10 there is that one person that just makes it almost impossible to fix.  Usually ends up being a selfish or vindictive parent.  Sad, that is the only word I have for it...just sad.

Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM


Quoting kimjo81:


Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

Lucky! I really wish we all could get along...and that BM didn't marry the type of man she married, that would help...

 I am sorry to hear the BM married someone who isn't ideal.  It makes it hard for everyone involved when the parent's can't get along.  It seems that 9 times out of 10 there is that one person that just makes it almost impossible to fix.  Usually ends up being a selfish or vindictive parent.  Sad, that is the only word I have for it...just sad.

I agree. It's hard on SD, too. That's why no matter what my ex did to me in the past...he still loves his daughter's and they love him. He was a bad husband, but a decent dad. So, I'll get along with him for them.

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:30 PM

If it works for you, great. Not everyone wants that, though. Some are content to work with the other parent only because they are ultimately responsible for the kids. Kids can still have great memories when that happens. 

I'm not a fan of that for a few different reasons, but one of the big ones is that marriage is not taken as seriously as it once was and the divorce rate for second marriages is pretty high. My kids have already been through a SM and their father did attempt to have another woman installed as such, but that failed when she went back to her husband, the man she divorced for my ex. Two women who didn't stick around and so no point in adding the next woman as a parent.

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:35 PM

I have the best relationship with BM1 and BM2 for our situation I could possibly have.  None at all.  Being friendly with people uncapable of being decent didn't benefit me, DH or especially the boys.  Since being civil and nice wasn't helping I started staying away.

On the other hand.  For the most part, I get along good with DD SM.  We are nice when we are around each other.  It is casual, no parenting type things going on.  That is for me and BF not me, BF, and our spouses.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:39 PM
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I agree with Packer.  If it works for you, GREAT!  Nothing wrong with that at all! 

My situation it just wouldn't work.  If SM wasn't married to my XH, there is no reason I'd ever speak to her, or her to me.  We have nothing in common besides the fact that we both married the same person.  We share no common likes/dislikes, we disagree on most everything in life too.  Doesn't make one of us right and the other wrong, we're just very different from each other and these differences work for us in our own lives well enough, there's no reason to change. 

And yet, despite it all, my kids don't see anything wrong with the fact that SM and i do nothing together.  SM does nothing for them and they're good with that.  It's not her job to do things for them.  It's mine.  It's my responsibility.  It's also my responsibility to pick up the slack for what their BF won't/can't do, and I do that too. The boys know this.  They don't feel deprived by SM and I not working together.  When we are in the same location, we get along just fine. We're polite but there is so 'substance' to our getting along.  That's ok, it happens less than once a year. :) 

Since this is all working for all of you, that's GREAT!  Keep it up! 

cdrainey3
by Cher on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:45 PM
I think that's awesome! I tried doing that with my ss mom. I wanted my ss to have us all cheering for him together. BM and I are not a like at all. She does things that make my head spin. She's impossible to talk to because she only talks about herself and when she was with MY husband. She just made it very awkward. Eventually things got heated and we now find it best to not speak to each other at all. Some people just don't go well together. She's still single too, so she dwells way too much on ss and she's jealous of our family. It just didn't happen for us. I think that's great though for you guys! Keep it up
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:45 PM

BM and I used to be great friends.

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