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CPS part deux... long

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 6:39 PM
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1 mom liked this

For those who think CPS is the answer: 

My brother, less than a month from turning 16, has been living with me for nearly the past month. There were allegations of abuse. I'm a mandated reporter. I had to tell CPS. The woman abused her four oldest children for years, CPS was involved with us as well, but because there were no marks left nothing was done, at least not until she abandoned us. 

He has a scar from being hit, but he never told anyone until recently. One of my other brothers, the one who moved here, said he knew there was abuse going on, but didn't tell anyone. He, like me, lived through it as well and I guess he just thought nothing would happen if he told. She calls him names, she admitted that to me. His PSR has it noted that she did that as well because she did it in front of him. He failed every class from the first half of the school year - he had passed a couple, but failed due to absences, partly due to her keeping him home to help her and partly due to being tired in the morning after she kept him up to help her. 

He struggles in school with some concepts and she never sought help for him after elementary school. Her first thought was to get him into a status offender program - a program for deliquents -because he called her "lazy" (I admit, not respectful, but honest, she does nothing and never really has. Her life consists of moping in her bedroom)... the aforementioned could be related to the fact that she is addicted to pain medication due to the number of surgeries she's had. 

The PSR has called CPS, the doctor has called CPS. He has refused to go to her house a few times (I apparently have to let him to show I'm "working with her and cooperating and doing what is best for him").  She smokes in the house nonstop, eats crap (he didn't gain weight for years and his doctor was concerned) and has COPD and is a diabetic. She's also had multiple suicide attempts and has been hospitalized a few times for those. 

The fact that her "boyfriend" is a married man who comes down once a month and she involved this man with my brother is just disgusting so I'm putting it in here. 

I got a call today from the worker who said she doesn't know that she has enough to keep him out. Because there are no recent marks. Forget the rest of it that is going on. 

She said she talked to my mother and told her not to try to force brother to come back right now, wait until the investigation is over and we'll talk. This is why my mother is currently being nice - she always pours on the sugar when she's in trouble for something. Social worker said mother is willing to have a "family meeting" and work out the issues she has with me - let me digress to  say "what the hell?!" to that since she is the one who has spent her life hurting her children and focusing on herself and men and painkillers and painting everyone else as the bad guy who is out to get her - 

Point is, again - CPS won't do much unless the kid is dang near dead, it seems. 

Your SKs are failing and mom wont' do anything? Neither will CPS. 

Your SKs mom is asleep half the day and when she is awake she berating the child? CPS can't do anything.

The kid was hit? No big deal, especially if the mother says she won't do it again. 

Yes, I'm frustrated right now.  This is hard on everyone, but having lived through one of these investigations and knowing that nothing was done to help the four of us, I'm angry at the fact that it might happen again.  He's not a perfect angel, but he does need structure and guidance and help and someone who cares that he's around for more than his ability to make them a sandwich as well as being able to live without being called names and hit. 


by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 6:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 7:03 PM
Ugh these situations suck. And so does their reunification obsession. I know it benefitted DH, but I am sick and tired of seeing them send kids back to people who have no business being parents over and over again.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 7:10 PM
CPS is a joke. While we did have a false allegation, I didn't feel that CPS did enough to make sure it was false. They never even interviewed the alleged perpetrator. Just took my word for it that he didn't do it. Ok. Case closed.

What IF my child was being abused? They didn't even come to my home. They called me and asked me questions over the phone. Had me bring my kids in for a short 15 min interview and closed the case. Never once contacted my husband or asked to speak to him. We went all out thinking we needed to protect ourselves. He moved out of the home while they investigated. We hired an attorney.

They did nothing. I don't trust them with children who are really abused. They don't do anything any way.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 7:12 PM
I'm spending thousands of dollars a year in therapy for my daughter because of her father and stepmom. It's not CPS worthy and HA her therapist IS a CPS worker. It's more important to teach my child how to deal with crazy than to protect her from it.

Quoting Polkadotted: Ugh these situations suck. And so does their reunification obsession. I know it benefitted DH, but I am sick and tired of seeing them send kids back to people who have no business being parents over and over again.
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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Mar. 7, 2014 at 7:19 PM
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Fuck that shit.  This is the reason why all those false/getting even/I'll show you CPS calls are a bunch of bullshit.  The system is so overworked that kids like your brother get left by the wayside.

DH was just a victim of a CPS call...completely unfounded (BM had someone call anonymously...it was probably her attorney).  What a waste of fucking time.

You people out there that think you're going to call on BM or SM or exDH or whoever just because you got your ass chapped or because you have to pay high CS or just to piss someone off need to THINK before making a false call because the kid has diaper rash or a scraped knee.

I'm sorry Packer...what's happening to your brother is just completely fucked up.

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Mar. 7, 2014 at 7:24 PM

It really is messed up. I told him today we were going to have a meeting with the CPS worker and his mother next week (I refuse to refer to her as my mother and have for years). He looked sad. 

If he goes back to her she is not going to let him ever come over here again. 

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 7:39 PM
I always wonder when people say "call CPs" if they understand how it works.

Often I think it is done in a (sometimes appropriate sometimes not) bid for custody. A custody case will consider the child's best interest. A CPS case centers more around preventing overt criminal abuse and neglect. It is hard to have a child removed by CPS.

I'm sorry for your brother's plight. And glad for your children that you chose a different path.
PinkButterfly66
by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 7:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Look into getting your brother emancipated.  That way he can live with you and your mom can't do crap.

minimoo
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 7:47 PM
Hugs. A doctor and a counselor both called cps on bf bc she told them he put his cigarette out on her. She had a huge burn- freaked out when I asked her what happened and if she was OK. They refused to investigate. They told us that they are "happy that he was finally showing an interest in her life after so many years of being absent" and that of he told them she ran into the cigarette or it was an accident, they would close it due to "conflicting stories" (one being obvious bs by someone who just abused a child, the other being a child with a cigarette burn on her arm who said the reason it was there was bc her father was mad that she mentioned her mom and that she knew better bc "at my house, that bitch doesn't exist and my wife is your mom"- exactly what she reported). They also said that they likely won't intervene unless he permanently injures her or molests her. It's a bit of a joke here.
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 7:55 PM
My cousin is having a different experience. She is on supevised visits because the Ex took the info to court. Maybe you need the court to intervene.

Where is Dad?
SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 8:47 PM

My only thought is that calling CPS puts it on record. Then you at least know you have tried. Otherwise, someone could end up severely injured or dead and then you have the guilt of never having tried or possibly dealing with questions of 'did you know this was going on and why didn't you report it'.

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