Let me start by saying that SD and I are very close, SD and DH are very close. SD has had a lot of issues with BM forcing her to keep secrets. Well, SD's last visit BM yelled at her about not telling anyone (myself, DH, and even SD's counselor) about BM's personal business. We (myself, DH, and SD's counselor) explained to SD that any time she wants to talk about something she can, and that things that happen to or around SD are her personal business as well.
The issues with the last visit were about BM having this guy that SD doesn't like babysit SD. BM didn't want DH and I (or the counselor) to know that this guy is back in BM's life and around SD. SD has previously had issues with this guy (him getting violent towards BM in front of and around SD).
Tonight SD got home from a visit kinda upset. She asked us, "Why won't my mom answer my questions?" Both DH and I said that we can't answer that. SD said, "Every time I ask my mom a question she wants to know who I'm with and why I'm asking. Here, read the texts."
SD was asking if BM was working in our town or BM's mom's town and if SD needed to have a babysitter on Saturday. BM refused to answer the questions. BM kept asking her, "Who are you with?" and "Why are you asking that?" "Are you with your dad or grandma?" Once SD said she was with grandma (BM's mom) she answered SD's questions. BM was working in our area and SD was spending all day Saturday with her great grandparents.
Then SD started telling us how BM only spent a few hours on Saturday there and then left and when SD was trying to find her today to see what time they were leaving she didn't know where BM was. SD texted her asking where she was and BM said, "i'm sleeping." And SD asked, "WHERE?"
I don't know what to say or do. SD keeps coming to us with questions, but these are questions we cannot answer.
SD is 13, but developmentally anywhere from 3/4 up to 10/11 depending on the area (she has a disorder that causes developmental delays and a lot of medical issues). BM has EOWE, but isn't around during a majority of the visitation (BM lives with her mom).