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New here!

Posted by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 11:00 AM
  • 7 Replies
I'm new. you can just call me A in the forums. I have one son who's 10 and two stepchildren five-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy who live with their mom. We get them about once a month for a week or two at a time.

I've been married just over a year. He's a great husband we get along really well. But when the kids are here with us it's a disaster. Very stressful for both of us. I'm looking forward to talk with other stepmoms and maybe get advice? Sometimes I'm really not sure what to do.
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 11:00 AM
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Replies (1-7):
tbanana
by Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 11:03 AM

Welcome!  I'm new here too.  Maybe some more details would be helpful.  Are you both friendly with their mother?  What do you mean by disaster?

It's not easy being a stepmom.  Hang in there!

Painterchick77
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 11:05 AM
The mother really has nothing at all to do with me she barely speaks to me when we drop or pick up the kids. The husband is still civil to her, they talk only about the kids or things pertaining to them. It's really mostly stressful and disastrous because we both have jobs and we can't put them in daycare when they're here so both of us have to take time off or ask his grandparents to help out and the scheduling is crazy. Most of the time we spend the whole week apart I'm here in town and he's at his parents house with the kids 30 minutes away.
DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 12:04 PM
Perhaps an every other weekend would be a more suitable schedule?

Quoting Painterchick77: The mother really has nothing at all to do with me she barely speaks to me when we drop or pick up the kids. The husband is still civil to her, they talk only about the kids or things pertaining to them. It's really mostly stressful and disastrous because we both have jobs and we can't put them in daycare when they're here so both of us have to take time off or ask his grandparents to help out and the scheduling is crazy. Most of the time we spend the whole week apart I'm here in town and he's at his parents house with the kids 30 minutes away.
Boobear110
by Audra on Mar. 12, 2014 at 12:05 PM

Why can't you put them in daycare? 

Quoting Painterchick77: The mother really has nothing at all to do with me she barely speaks to me when we drop or pick up the kids. The husband is still civil to her, they talk only about the kids or things pertaining to them. It's really mostly stressful and disastrous because we both have jobs and we can't put them in daycare when they're here so both of us have to take time off or ask his grandparents to help out and the scheduling is crazy. Most of the time we spend the whole week apart I'm here in town and he's at his parents house with the kids 30 minutes away.


Boobear110
by Audra on Mar. 12, 2014 at 12:05 PM

This , also 

Quoting DDDaysh: Perhaps an every other weekend would be a more suitable schedule?
Quoting Painterchick77: The mother really has nothing at all to do with me she barely speaks to me when we drop or pick up the kids. The husband is still civil to her, they talk only about the kids or things pertaining to them. It's really mostly stressful and disastrous because we both have jobs and we can't put them in daycare when they're here so both of us have to take time off or ask his grandparents to help out and the scheduling is crazy. Most of the time we spend the whole week apart I'm here in town and he's at his parents house with the kids 30 minutes away.


AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 1:01 PM

This. It doesn't sound like there's an actual court order in place.  I know you say things are civil but having no set schedule ... going to dad's about once a month but always at changing intervals would be hard on anyone. I'd imagine the kids would be happier and more well adjusted with a set schedule, as well.  My best advice would be for BM and DH (if they are willing to) to sit down and get a set schedule and court order in place and signed by the courts.  If not, then he should seriously consider going to court. 

Why can you guys not put them in daycare?  

How far away do you guys live from the kids and their school (I'm assuming the 5 year old will start kindergarten next year?)

Quoting DDDaysh: Perhaps an every other weekend would be a more suitable schedule?
Quoting Painterchick77: The mother really has nothing at all to do with me she barely speaks to me when we drop or pick up the kids. The husband is still civil to her, they talk only about the kids or things pertaining to them. It's really mostly stressful and disastrous because we both have jobs and we can't put them in daycare when they're here so both of us have to take time off or ask his grandparents to help out and the scheduling is crazy. Most of the time we spend the whole week apart I'm here in town and he's at his parents house with the kids 30 minutes away.


Bertieb
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 1:12 PM

The schedule, or lack of, sounds like the first problem. Is it a regular court-ordered visitation? There is a big difference between one and two weeks per month. DH and I wouldn't have that kind of sick/vacation time to care for the kids in our jobs.

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