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new step mom and birth mom help!!!!

Posted by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:29 PM
  • 24 Replies
I'vly been dating who I think is the man of my dreams for only 8 months and find out I was pregnant! Huge surprise as I didn't think I could have kids.. Which made me supper excited when I met him because he has full custody of two great kids! Unfortunantly their bm is mentally unstable and even draws a check from the state for her issues so she is only allowed 2 hours a week with the kids. We enjoy a little alone time as we are a new couple and expecting a baby and we thought it would be good fit the kids, 13 year old girl and 11 year old boy, to stay the night with her a few times. Come to realize she plays very serious mind games with the younger child, example she always has a health issue to makE him worry, makes promises she can't keep and very obviously don't enforce any chores or the healthy diet we are trying to establish. So obviously we both see this needs to go back to the limited 2 hour visits but how do you explain to a 11 year old mommas boy why they can't stay longer again? Any advice is greatly appreciated
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:32 PM
8 moms liked this

I would be more concerned with you and Dad thinking it would be a good idea for Mom to have more time when she is on supervised visits.  Make better choices for your child.

pepper504
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:38 PM
3 moms liked this


Quoting WifeyC:

I would be more concerned with you and Dad thinking it would be a good idea for Mom to have more time when she is on supervised visits.  Make better choices for your child.

Right?!

DDDaysh
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:39 PM
3 moms liked this

I am not really sure what to say about this. 

I guess you just say it outright.  You say that you think he isn't doing well spending so much time with Mom and leave it at that.  He will be extremely pissed with you.  I suggest working with a therapist to help him get through this. 

Honestly, I kinda want to slap your DH upside the head.  He fucked with his kids hearts!  A parent doesn't end up with only a couple of hours supervised visitation if they are A-OK.  He sent his children to their mentally unstable mother so he could get a feww baby sitter!!!  That is so wrecklessly irresponsible! 

He's going to need to own up to the fact that he seriously screwed up and be ready to really help his kids with this tough time he set them up for. 

tiafez
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:43 PM

if the court set supervised visits, what was the reasoning for the unsupervised overnights? was it just to have alone time with your BF? is the caseworker/atty/court awarethat you went against the set supervised visits? who usually supervises those visits?

amonkeymom
by Amy on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:45 PM

I'd also suggest that your boyfriend's son see a therapist to help him deal with going back to the 2 hours/week visitation schedule.

oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:48 PM

Oh boy, honestly, FAMILY counseling. You've been in the picture for 8 months...the baby will be a blessing to you and your SO, but to the kids, they haven't really gotten used to you yet and now comes a half sibling. That is not necessarily a happy change for them. You guys need a therapist who deals with blended families and family counseling to help these kids deal with the issue of an unstable mom who will likely escalate her issues during these changes and to help the kids directly deal with all the changes coming their way...

Boobear110
by Audra on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:49 PM

Who's idea was it to give a BM with supervised visits overnight visits? Yours or his? 

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:57 PM
1 mom liked this

this and now that dad has allowed it he has opened the door for mom to go back to court and get more time.I can see it now.

Judge: So you allowed the kids unsupervised weekends with their mother.

Dad: Yes

Judge: Why

Dad: well you see I knocked up my new girlfriend and we wanted some alone time.

Judge: But now you are saying they can't spend the night why?

Dad: Well your honor she isn't following the diet my new girlfriend establish for them.

Quoting DDDaysh:

I am not really sure what to say about this. 

I guess you just say it outright.  You say that you think he isn't doing well spending so much time with Mom and leave it at that.  He will be extremely pissed with you.  I suggest working with a therapist to help him get through this. 

Honestly, I kinda want to slap your DH upside the head.  He fucked with his kids hearts!  A parent doesn't end up with only a couple of hours supervised visitation if they are A-OK.  He sent his children to their mentally unstable mother so he could get a feww baby sitter!!!  That is so wrecklessly irresponsible! 

He's going to need to own up to the fact that he seriously screwed up and be ready to really help his kids with this tough time he set them up for. 


***Briterican***


packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:33 PM

You don't need to explain anything. You've only been around "only 8 months". 

I don't enforce chores and my children are my children. I don't raise my kids the way any other woman wants them raised. Have your kid, do that your way, stay out of things with the actual parents of your boyfriend's kids.

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:36 PM


Quoting soonergirl980:

this and now that dad has allowed it he has opened the door for mom to go back to court and get more time.I can see it now.

Judge: So you allowed the kids unsupervised weekends with their mother.

Dad: Yes

Judge: Why

Dad: well you see I knocked up my new girlfriend and we wanted some alone time.

Judge: But now you are saying they can't spend the night why?

Dad: Well your honor she isn't following the diet my new girlfriend establish for them.

Or making them do the chores the gf thinks they need to be doing. 
I don't think this woman is any better an example than she is saying mom is either. Taking over for dad, lack of birth control with a man she's known less than a year, and now she wants to take take away the extra time with mom under the guise of "we" for the aforementioned reasons (no mention of mind game examples so I'm not sure there are any). 
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