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 how do ya'll/dh handle school picture ordering,especially when bm doesnt tell you when the order form comes in so dad can order pictures???

by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 2:35 PM
Replies (111-120):
Boobear110
by Audra on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:07 AM


Quoting whatIknownow:

Why does the mom have to give him the date?  He shouldn't need the mom to hold his hand for him. He can find out that information for himself. This has nothing to do with the mom. It has to do with your DH's helpless, or lack of interest.

Quoting Mamaslilbear10:

. i'll be surprised if bm gives my dh an orientation date for first grade in august for next school year...




Boobear110
by Audra on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:09 AM
1 mom liked this


This right here. He's a grown up. He can manage all by his big boy self. Tell him it's time to put on his big boy pants. 

Quoting whatIknownow:

Why does the mom have to give him the date?  He shouldn't need the mom to hold his hand for him. He can find out that information for himself. This has nothing to do with the mom. It has to do with your DH's helpless, or lack of interest.

Quoting Mamaslilbear10:

. i'll be surprised if bm gives my dh an orientation date for first grade in august for next school year...





lanceandhailey
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:10 AM

I've asked her to text me a photo of all sd's picture order forms (school, sports, etc.), I tell her what we want and send her a check for the amount. Luckily we can get along like that since we live 8 hours apart.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:19 AM
You didn't offend me. I don't want you thinking I'm trying to offend your dad. I'm not.

Quoting cdrainey3: I didn't see where she said he had never even been to the school. That's what I was trying to say. Maybe I quoted your reply on accident, I don't know. I've been at work and wasn't able to continue reading. I wasn't trying to offend you, and kwim explained a little more about the op as well.

Quoting momof2ex1: And your dad is not who I am talking about. I am talking about OPs husband that has never been to the school and doesn't even know if he is listed on the 'blue form'. The comment that you quoted - all I said was I could not imagine not going to my kids school. I went for orientation. I went for enrollment. I went to meet the teacher. Now my dd is in middle school so I don't attend some of that stuff anymore. But my son is the same age as this posters SS. His first year of school and dad has not even gone to check it out? That's odd to me. Your dad went to your school. He had seen the walls of your school. You yourself state that he went to programs. That's going to the school right? We are not talking about YOUR dad. We are talking about OPs husband.

Quoting cdrainey3: That may very well be the case, I haven't had a chance to read anymore than the first page. I didn't see the op state anywhere (when I first replied) that her dh had never even been to the school or didn't even know where the school is at. If he doesn't even know where the school is at then yeah that's, un usual. All I was stating and all that was said even I first posted was, just because he doesn't go to ptc doesn't mean he's a bad parent. My dad always picked me up from school and came to my programs but he never signed a form and never went to ptc.

Quoting amantonacci: *I* think momof2 was pointing out that the dad in this case doesn't even know the teachers name

Quoting cdrainey3: I didn't judge you. I was having a discussion with you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and their own way of doing things. Being told your a bad parent because you don't find one thing as important as someone else might, is using bad judgement, IMO. It's perfectly ok if you disagree. You're still a great mom.

Quoting momof2ex1: You're judging my judgement. So pot meet kettle.

Quoting cdrainey3: Going to the school for a program is different than contacting the school for something. Op never said the dad was completely un involved. She also mentioned the child is only in kindergarten. I just can't stand it when people are so quick to judge. Telling someone they are a shitty parent is a big statement. Do I think sm in this situation is over stepping? Yes! If dad wants to be informed HE needs to call the school, however if he chooses not to, doesn't mean he's a shitty dad. He may still very much be involved.

Quoting momof2ex1: Obviously your dad went to something at the school if he was at a program. This dad has never been to the school. I'm betting your dad went to your school for something if he went to the programs and to lunch with you. Completely different. I don't think parents who never step foot inside their child's school are good parents. How do you send your child somewhere you've never checked out for yourself?
Quoting cdrainey3: My dad was always there for me. I could call him while he was at work crying and 10-20 minutes later he would be knocking on my bedroom door. He would and literally has at times dropped everything for me. Some dads are definitely more "go getters" than others, but just because they aren't involved in school down to a T, doesn't make them less of a dad. My dad would go to my programs and lunch with me at my school, but he never signed a paper or went to ptc, never made him less of a dad. Kwim made this dad out to be a monster just because he doesn't go to their school. That's bull shit.
Quoting momof2ex1: Me too. Goodness I can't imagine never going to my child's school regardless of who has custody. Geez
Quoting soonergirl980:

ehhh I guess KWIM and I just have a higher standard of what is "good". My dad is a workaholic and in the military and still managed to make time for our school stuff. My DH is in the military and it is very important to him to be involved with our kids school stuff. Even when he is deployed he is pretty good at keeping up with contacting teachers and knowing what is going on in our kids scholl lives.

I do agree this is less about dad wanting to get involved and more about SM wanting to stick her nose where it doesn't belong.

Quoting cdrainey3: Really? My dad never went to my school when I was growing up. My mom always dealt with that and ptc and what not. Never once in all my life have I thought we wasn't a "good parent" if the dad wants this info then yes he needs to get off his ass and get it, not send his little wifey. However, if he hasn't gone to the school it doesn't define him as a parent. I guarantee in this situation dad could care less about the pictures it's the sm thinking she should have some right to the pictures. No op, you could be married for 50 years and you still couldn't call the school because the child is not yours! Take your own pics or have your dh go to the school.
Quoting KWIM: He has never contacted the school for anything? Way to be a parent! I guess pictures are enough of a motivator for dad to get off his ass and actually reach out to the institution that is teaching his children...might be a good idea to find out the names of your kids teachers too. It may actually look like he gives a shit then. Also, I'm guessing you might need that info to get the correct snapshots. He does know what his kids even look like, right?
Quoting Mamaslilbear10:

 what if he hasnt contacted the school before? we dont even know if hes listed on the blue form... is it possible that i can call to ask a simple question like that?

Quoting Tigress22304: Dad can contact the school/teacher and ask..

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:20 AM
He has no brain of his own?

Quoting Mamaslilbear10: I guess bm is alright with it, so dh is... I know she did tell him it's an A School, most of the ones in her county are A Schools... the one our oldest goes to in our country is also an A School...
Quoting momof2ex1: Obviously your dad went to something at the school if he was at a program. This dad has never been to the school. I'm betting your dad went to your school for something if he went to the programs and to lunch with you. Completely different. I don't think parents who never step foot inside their child's school are good parents. How do you send your child somewhere you've never checked out for yourself?
Quoting cdrainey3: My dad was always there for me. I could call him while he was at work crying and 10-20 minutes later he would be knocking on my bedroom door. He would and literally has at times dropped everything for me. Some dads are definitely more "go getters" than others, but just because they aren't involved in school down to a T, doesn't make them less of a dad. My dad would go to my programs and lunch with me at my school, but he never signed a paper or went to ptc, never made him less of a dad. Kwim made this dad out to be a monster just because he doesn't go to their school. That's bull shit.
Quoting momof2ex1: Me too. Goodness I can't imagine never going to my child's school regardless of who has custody. Geez
Quoting soonergirl980:

ehhh I guess KWIM and I just have a higher standard of what is "good". My dad is a workaholic and in the military and still managed to make time for our school stuff. My DH is in the military and it is very important to him to be involved with our kids school stuff. Even when he is deployed he is pretty good at keeping up with contacting teachers and knowing what is going on in our kids scholl lives.

I do agree this is less about dad wanting to get involved and more about SM wanting to stick her nose where it doesn't belong.

Quoting cdrainey3: Really? My dad never went to my school when I was growing up. My mom always dealt with that and ptc and what not. Never once in all my life have I thought we wasn't a "good parent" if the dad wants this info then yes he needs to get off his ass and get it, not send his little wifey. However, if he hasn't gone to the school it doesn't define him as a parent. I guarantee in this situation dad could care less about the pictures it's the sm thinking she should have some right to the pictures. No op, you could be married for 50 years and you still couldn't call the school because the child is not yours! Take your own pics or have your dh go to the school.
Quoting KWIM: He has never contacted the school for anything? Way to be a parent! I guess pictures are enough of a motivator for dad to get off his ass and actually reach out to the institution that is teaching his children...might be a good idea to find out the names of your kids teachers too. It may actually look like he gives a shit then. Also, I'm guessing you might need that info to get the correct snapshots. He does know what his kids even look like, right?
Quoting Mamaslilbear10:

 what if he hasnt contacted the school before? we dont even know if hes listed on the blue form... is it possible that i can call to ask a simple question like that?

Quoting Tigress22304: Dad can contact the school/teacher and ask..

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:21 AM
1 mom liked this
You guys are taking this way too personally. No ONE is saying anything about YOUR dads or YOUR husbands and their lack of involvement. YOUR husband obviously has you to do things and keep him informed. Good for him. OPs husband does not have that with his child's mother. Totally different situation.

Quoting AnnieChristian_: I'm with you here, my husband is a great dad and he's never contacted the schools either of our boys go to. He's never had to! I stay on top of those things and I have rarely had to call their schools for anything but I'm always there so obviously they know who I am and we have both been contacted BY their schools, just haven't had much reason to call them for anything.

But it does say a lot about OP's husband that it's already March and he doesn't know the name of his son's first teacher. He needs to make way more of an effort to be involved with his child, especially if his ex isn't communicating these things to him.

Quoting cdrainey3: Really? My dad never went to my school when I was growing up. My mom always dealt with that and ptc and what not. Never once in all my life have I thought we wasn't a "good parent" if the dad wants this info then yes he needs to get off his ass and get it, not send his little wifey. However, if he hasn't gone to the school it doesn't define him as a parent. I guarantee in this situation dad could care less about the pictures it's the sm thinking she should have some right to the pictures. No op, you could be married for 50 years and you still couldn't call the school because the child is not yours! Take your own pics or have your dh go to the school.

Quoting KWIM: He has never contacted the school for anything? Way to be a parent!

I guess pictures are enough of a motivator for dad to get off his ass and actually reach out to the institution that is teaching his children...might be a good idea to find out the names of your kids teachers too. It may actually look like he gives a shit then. Also, I'm guessing you might need that info to get the correct snapshots. He does know what his kids even look like, right?



Quoting Mamaslilbear10:

 what if he hasnt contacted the school before? we dont even know if hes listed on the blue form... is it possible that i can call to ask a simple question like that?


Quoting Tigress22304: Dad can contact the school/teacher and ask..

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:23 AM


Quoting Mamaslilbear10:

 

Quoting Tigress22304: You?! No Dad yes If Dad can't pick up a phone and ask simple questions, then you got bigger problems then missing pictures. It's simple " Hello this is Mr So and So. I'm calling to inquire about school photos. I was wondering how can I get my own set of pictures, because I'm unable to get them from my ex." Or something along those lines.
Quoting Mamaslilbear10:

 what if he hasnt contacted the school before? we dont even know if hes listed on the blue form... is it possible that i can call to ask a simple question like that?

Quoting Tigress22304: Dad can contact the school/teacher and ask..

 

Thank you, I was jw if it was possible for me to call... hes at work doing carpentry/house repairs etc... so i was wondering if i could just do it... thanks tigress...

 

Time for him to learn that he can call on breaks.  

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:27 AM
1 mom liked this
It really makes me sad at all the women here who have to justify WHY you don't go to your children's school or why your husbands don't. My husband picks up our son every day from school and interacts with the teachers and staff during pick up. I do drop off. Granted he is kindergarten so we still have to get him out of his booster and walk him up the long drive. Call me old fashioned I don't know.

If you husband or father knew or knows where your school or your children's school is. Knows the name of their teacher. Knows what they are doing in class by whatever means is out there, then I think you are safe.

I PERSONALLY can not imagine not being involved with my children's schools. I'm sorry that offended so many. My parents were not active in my schooling and I'll be damned if I'm going to continue the cycle of head in the sand. Shoot me!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Boobear110
by Audra on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:34 AM

Hell I'm not even legally SM but I have been to SD school. I'm in the system as an emergency contact. I walked into SD class for her b day and introduced myself and the teacher said I feel like I know you SD talks about you all the time. ( yea,I'm bragging) 

DD father is not involved. He's not even a contact on her papers. There is no way for him to be. No home phone , no cell phone. Yea , he is a winner. He does his 4 days a month. Not a good parent. 

The point is if you want to be involved you I'll be. If you don't, you won't. Can't blame anyone but your own damn self . You choose how to parent your child. No one chooses for you l 

Quoting momof2ex1: And your dad is not who I am talking about. I am talking about OPs husband that has never been to the school and doesn't even know if he is listed on the 'blue form'. The comment that you quoted - all I said was I could not imagine not going to my kids school. I went for orientation. I went for enrollment. I went to meet the teacher. Now my dd is in middle school so I don't attend some of that stuff anymore. But my son is the same age as this posters SS. His first year of school and dad has not even gone to check it out? That's odd to me. Your dad went to your school. He had seen the walls of your school. You yourself state that he went to programs. That's going to the school right? We are not talking about YOUR dad. We are talking about OPs husband.
Quoting cdrainey3: That may very well be the case, I haven't had a chance to read anymore than the first page. I didn't see the op state anywhere (when I first replied) that her dh had never even been to the school or didn't even know where the school is at. If he doesn't even know where the school is at then yeah that's, un usual. All I was stating and all that was said even I first posted was, just because he doesn't go to ptc doesn't mean he's a bad parent. My dad always picked me up from school and came to my programs but he never signed a form and never went to ptc.
Quoting amantonacci: *I* think momof2 was pointing out that the dad in this case doesn't even know the teachers name
Quoting cdrainey3: I didn't judge you. I was having a discussion with you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and their own way of doing things. Being told your a bad parent because you don't find one thing as important as someone else might, is using bad judgement, IMO. It's perfectly ok if you disagree. You're still a great mom.
Quoting momof2ex1: You're judging my judgement. So pot meet kettle.
Quoting cdrainey3: Going to the school for a program is different than contacting the school for something. Op never said the dad was completely un involved. She also mentioned the child is only in kindergarten. I just can't stand it when people are so quick to judge. Telling someone they are a shitty parent is a big statement. Do I think sm in this situation is over stepping? Yes! If dad wants to be informed HE needs to call the school, however if he chooses not to, doesn't mean he's a shitty dad. He may still very much be involved.
Quoting momof2ex1: Obviously your dad went to something at the school if he was at a program. This dad has never been to the school. I'm betting your dad went to your school for something if he went to the programs and to lunch with you. Completely different. I don't think parents who never step foot inside their child's school are good parents. How do you send your child somewhere you've never checked out for yourself?
Quoting cdrainey3: My dad was always there for me. I could call him while he was at work crying and 10-20 minutes later he would be knocking on my bedroom door. He would and literally has at times dropped everything for me. Some dads are definitely more "go getters" than others, but just because they aren't involved in school down to a T, doesn't make them less of a dad. My dad would go to my programs and lunch with me at my school, but he never signed a paper or went to ptc, never made him less of a dad. Kwim made this dad out to be a monster just because he doesn't go to their school. That's bull shit.
Quoting momof2ex1: Me too. Goodness I can't imagine never going to my child's school regardless of who has custody. Geez
Quoting soonergirl980:

ehhh I guess KWIM and I just have a higher standard of what is "good". My dad is a workaholic and in the military and still managed to make time for our school stuff. My DH is in the military and it is very important to him to be involved with our kids school stuff. Even when he is deployed he is pretty good at keeping up with contacting teachers and knowing what is going on in our kids scholl lives.


I do agree this is less about dad wanting to get involved and more about SM wanting to stick her nose where it doesn't belong.

Quoting cdrainey3: Really? My dad never went to my school when I was growing up. My mom always dealt with that and ptc and what not. Never once in all my life have I thought we wasn't a "good parent" if the dad wants this info then yes he needs to get off his ass and get it, not send his little wifey. However, if he hasn't gone to the school it doesn't define him as a parent. I guarantee in this situation dad could care less about the pictures it's the sm thinking she should have some right to the pictures. No op, you could be married for 50 years and you still couldn't call the school because the child is not yours! Take your own pics or have your dh go to the school.
Quoting KWIM: He has never contacted the school for anything? Way to be a parent! I guess pictures are enough of a motivator for dad to get off his ass and actually reach out to the institution that is teaching his children...might be a good idea to find out the names of your kids teachers too. It may actually look like he gives a shit then. Also, I'm guessing you might need that info to get the correct snapshots. He does know what his kids even look like, right?
Quoting Mamaslilbear10:

 what if he hasnt contacted the school before? we dont even know if hes listed on the blue form... is it possible that i can call to ask a simple question like that?

Quoting Tigress22304: Dad can contact the school/teacher and ask..

 


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 10:23 AM
You know - I may be projecting here because my ex is the same way. He's never been to DDS school. Now sm has been in the office twice. To drop off gifts for whatever valentines and Easter I believe.

Ex is listed but since he refuses to give me a phone number- the school has no way to call him. He has ALL the rights in the world to dd. We have joint custody. He has all the rights to call the school and give them his info but he hasn't. Not in 8 years. He never went to the elementary school after we moved. She attended for three years. Not once. He does his four days a month. He's her dad. She loves him but he is not at all what I had hoped for in a father when I decided to have a child with him.

Maybe I'm just lucky that my son has such an involved father - it seems so uncommon in here.

Quoting Boobear110:

Hell I'm not even legally SM but I have been to SD school. I'm in the system as an emergency contact. I walked into SD class for her b day and introduced myself and the teacher said I feel like I know you SD talks about you all the time. ( yea,I'm bragging) 

DD father is not involved. He's not even a contact on her papers. There is no way for him to be. No home phone , no cell phone. Yea , he is a winner. He does his 4 days a month. Not a good parent. 

The point is if you want to be involved you I'll be. If you don't, you won't. Can't blame anyone but your own damn self . You choose how to parent your child. No one chooses for you l 

Quoting momof2ex1: And your dad is not who I am talking about. I am talking about OPs husband that has never been to the school and doesn't even know if he is listed on the 'blue form'. The comment that you quoted - all I said was I could not imagine not going to my kids school. I went for orientation. I went for enrollment. I went to meet the teacher. Now my dd is in middle school so I don't attend some of that stuff anymore. But my son is the same age as this posters SS. His first year of school and dad has not even gone to check it out? That's odd to me. Your dad went to your school. He had seen the walls of your school. You yourself state that he went to programs. That's going to the school right? We are not talking about YOUR dad. We are talking about OPs husband.

Quoting cdrainey3: That may very well be the case, I haven't had a chance to read anymore than the first page. I didn't see the op state anywhere (when I first replied) that her dh had never even been to the school or didn't even know where the school is at. If he doesn't even know where the school is at then yeah that's, un usual. All I was stating and all that was said even I first posted was, just because he doesn't go to ptc doesn't mean he's a bad parent. My dad always picked me up from school and came to my programs but he never signed a form and never went to ptc.

Quoting amantonacci: *I* think momof2 was pointing out that the dad in this case doesn't even know the teachers name

Quoting cdrainey3: I didn't judge you. I was having a discussion with you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and their own way of doing things. Being told your a bad parent because you don't find one thing as important as someone else might, is using bad judgement, IMO. It's perfectly ok if you disagree. You're still a great mom.

Quoting momof2ex1: You're judging my judgement. So pot meet kettle.

Quoting cdrainey3: Going to the school for a program is different than contacting the school for something. Op never said the dad was completely un involved. She also mentioned the child is only in kindergarten. I just can't stand it when people are so quick to judge. Telling someone they are a shitty parent is a big statement. Do I think sm in this situation is over stepping? Yes! If dad wants to be informed HE needs to call the school, however if he chooses not to, doesn't mean he's a shitty dad. He may still very much be involved.

Quoting momof2ex1: Obviously your dad went to something at the school if he was at a program. This dad has never been to the school. I'm betting your dad went to your school for something if he went to the programs and to lunch with you. Completely different. I don't think parents who never step foot inside their child's school are good parents. How do you send your child somewhere you've never checked out for yourself?
Quoting cdrainey3: My dad was always there for me. I could call him while he was at work crying and 10-20 minutes later he would be knocking on my bedroom door. He would and literally has at times dropped everything for me. Some dads are definitely more "go getters" than others, but just because they aren't involved in school down to a T, doesn't make them less of a dad. My dad would go to my programs and lunch with me at my school, but he never signed a paper or went to ptc, never made him less of a dad. Kwim made this dad out to be a monster just because he doesn't go to their school. That's bull shit.
Quoting momof2ex1: Me too. Goodness I can't imagine never going to my child's school regardless of who has custody. Geez
Quoting soonergirl980:

ehhh I guess KWIM and I just have a higher standard of what is "good". My dad is a workaholic and in the military and still managed to make time for our school stuff. My DH is in the military and it is very important to him to be involved with our kids school stuff. Even when he is deployed he is pretty good at keeping up with contacting teachers and knowing what is going on in our kids scholl lives.

I do agree this is less about dad wanting to get involved and more about SM wanting to stick her nose where it doesn't belong.

Quoting cdrainey3: Really? My dad never went to my school when I was growing up. My mom always dealt with that and ptc and what not. Never once in all my life have I thought we wasn't a "good parent" if the dad wants this info then yes he needs to get off his ass and get it, not send his little wifey. However, if he hasn't gone to the school it doesn't define him as a parent. I guarantee in this situation dad could care less about the pictures it's the sm thinking she should have some right to the pictures. No op, you could be married for 50 years and you still couldn't call the school because the child is not yours! Take your own pics or have your dh go to the school.
Quoting KWIM: He has never contacted the school for anything? Way to be a parent! I guess pictures are enough of a motivator for dad to get off his ass and actually reach out to the institution that is teaching his children...might be a good idea to find out the names of your kids teachers too. It may actually look like he gives a shit then. Also, I'm guessing you might need that info to get the correct snapshots. He does know what his kids even look like, right?
Quoting Mamaslilbear10:

 what if he hasnt contacted the school before? we dont even know if hes listed on the blue form... is it possible that i can call to ask a simple question like that?

Quoting Tigress22304: Dad can contact the school/teacher and ask..

 

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