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Does he have a custody order? Is he on the b.c.?

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:02 PM
  • 73 Replies

These are often times the first thing asked when someone says their man isn't seeing their kids or that mom doesn't let him do this or that. 

Why? Those are just pieces of paper. Nothing important at all. 


by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:03 PM

Good point.

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:18 PM

I know in my situation-there isn't a CO between DH and BM-however if she were to ever tell him he's not allowed to see the kids-there would be problems for her.

You're right-they are just pieces of paper-BOTH parents should be adults and put the kids first. Unless a parent is abusive towards a child (whether physically or is a drug addict/homeless etc) they BOTH should be allowed time with said child.

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:23 PM
3 moms liked this


Quoting Tigress22304:

I know in my situation-there isn't a CO between DH and BM-however if she were to ever tell him he's not allowed to see the kids-there would be problems for her.

You're right-they are just pieces of paper-BOTH parents should be adults and put the kids first. Unless a parent is abusive towards a child (whether physically or is a drug addict/homeless etc) they BOTH should be allowed time with said child.

Should is so subjective. People in committed relationships believe they should have no problem in case of a break up or a death, but reality is they aren't next of kin and parents or others who are related can prevent the SO from making decisions. 

People who are divorced should be adult enough to work together, but they often aren't. That is why we have legal documents outlining what they can do, their rights, etc. 

There are reasons these "pieces of paper" are in existence, even if they shouldn't have to be. 

So, if we're going to devalue marriage by claming it is "just a piece of paper" we shouldn't be asking about custody orders and birth certificates. If one means nothing they should all mean nothing.

wise.toes
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:31 PM
1 mom liked this

a custody order is NOT just a piece of paper. 

it is essential to have one in many, many situations. 

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Like a marriage certificate, it is a measure of commitment, permanence, and legal obligation (on both sides). It is a sign of what measures the man was already willing to do to do be a part of his child or children's lives.

Be honest...no one is very impressed when he is not on the BC, there is CO, and SM is trying to get the school pictures.
bcauseimthemom
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:44 PM

Not being on the BC is not just a piece of paper. It could prevent a father from having any rights. I could also prevent a child from getting child support.  As for a CO, if both parents are adults and behave as such, it could be considered just a piece of paper but in most cases at least one parent tries to use the child as a pawn... that is where the CO comes into play.

oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:46 PM
3 moms liked this
Who's devaluing it Packer? For the people who marriage is not their issue, they don'twant it...what the hell is that doing to you...for someone who can preach about a SM minding her own damn business so much perhaps you should look at this..,what another woman finds as an acceptable boundary for her romantic relationship has absolutely squat to do with what goes on between your closed doors...do you want a marriage certificate, for you and DH it means something...that's great for you. For your neighbor and her SO they do fine without it...really what the hell is it you? Are you in their bedroom, bank accounts, procreation or parenting decisions? No, so why the hell do you care what another woman does with her SO, do to her it's a just piece of paper. To you it's not.
I have every one of my college degrees framed in my office, those achievements mean the world to me. My parents and brother both found careers in totally different fields than their degrees...definitely not framed on walls, just pieces of paper. Does that take away from what I did hanging on MY wall, no...
Get a grip.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Quoting Tigress22304:

I know in my situation-there isn't a CO between DH and BM-however if she were to ever tell him he's not allowed to see the kids-there would be problems for her.

You're right-they are just pieces of paper-BOTH parents should be adults and put the kids first. Unless a parent is abusive towards a child (whether physically or is a drug addict/homeless etc) they BOTH should be allowed time with said child.

Should is so subjective. People in committed relationships believe they should have no problem in case of a break up or a death, but reality is they aren't next of kin and parents or others who are related can prevent the SO from making decisions. 

People who are divorced should be adult enough to work together, but they often aren't. That is why we have legal documents outlining what they can do, their rights, etc. 

There are reasons these "pieces of paper" are in existence, even if they shouldn't have to be. 

So, if we're going to devalue marriage by claming it is "just a piece of paper" we shouldn't be asking about custody orders and birth certificates. If one means nothing they should all mean nothing.

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:48 PM


Quoting packermom4ever:

Quoting Tigress22304:

I know in my situation-there isn't a CO between DH and BM-however if she were to ever tell him he's not allowed to see the kids-there would be problems for her.

You're right-they are just pieces of paper-BOTH parents should be adults and put the kids first. Unless a parent is abusive towards a child (whether physically or is a drug addict/homeless etc) they BOTH should be allowed time with said child.

Should is so subjective. People in committed relationships believe they should have no problem in case of a break up or a death, but reality is they aren't next of kin and parents or others who are related can prevent the SO from making decisions. 

People who are divorced should be adult enough to work together, but they often aren't. That is why we have legal documents outlining what they can do, their rights, etc. 

There are reasons these "pieces of paper" are in existence, even if they shouldn't have to be. 

So, if we're going to devalue marriage by claming it is "just a piece of paper" we shouldn't be asking about custody orders and birth certificates. If one means nothing they should all mean nothing.

Exactkly Packer-Dh and BM ended their relationship in a very bad way......however no matter what he and BM were going through-she never denied him every weekend visitation-school break vacations with SS and SD-she straight up told him "We're gonna settle CS and visitation ourselves because I don't feel the courts are fair"

And they did settle between themselves. MIL and FIL felt DH should have taken her to court for 50/50 for SS, however BM and DH felt the arraignment they have in place works best for them.


Same with my mom and my dad-court ordered EOWE-well my mom felt that wasn't enough-so he got me every weekend Friday 7pm until Sunday 5pm. Every summer/holiday vacation-I was with m dad.

It's sad that most can NOT do this outside of court.

I've had women ask me why DH doesn't have a CO-or why he gets "so much time" with the kids....that's how he and BM did their arraignment....who am I to try to change that?!


FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:04 PM

The reason why is simple. My son's dad had zero rights because he was not on a birth certificate and he did not have a court order. He made poor life choices and I was not going to just bend on what he says because he was the biological father. The court agreed with me and he now has limited rights. He might have gotten pissy because he didn't have much of a say, but he had the choice to be on the BC and chose not to and had 7 years to get a CO but chose not to because he did not want to pay CS. He now has a CO and wishes he did not. Getting pissy just got him more screwed.

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:51 PM
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Quoting wise.toes:

a custody order is NOT just a piece of paper. 

it is essential to have one in many, many situations. 

It is just a piece of paper mapping out the legalities that one has wrt their situation/children. 

Except not many would agree that it isn't important because it protects them.

Kinda like a marriage certificate does. 

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