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The Stepmonster calls my child spoiled

Posted by on Mar. 21, 2014 at 9:21 AM
  • 109 Replies

Hello, This is my 1st time posting and I need some help for my daughter.  I have been divorced for over 10 yrs. My youngest girl wanted to live w/ her Dad and his wife due to having her own bedroom, friends, school and did not want to live w/ her older sister. I rented an apt. w/ the oldest.

Problem: The youngest went to college 6 hours away from her home for 4 yrs., graduated and was chosen to work for a company there.  She has been supporting herself for those 4 yrs and rented an apt. when she started working.  She now wants to go back to her hometown, go to a school there that was the best for what she studied in college. To get her masters would be 2 yrs. not working.  She asked to stay w/ Dad and SM due to close proximity to her school.  The SM is letting her know that she is not happy w/ her coming back to their home and told my daughter she didn't want to deal w/ people living there again.  My daughter cried her eyes out.  She is the best child never any trouble, very self sufficient, respectable and polite. SM told her she was spoiled because once her Dad gave her an old car because her's needed too much work and became unsafe.  How do I console my daughter and explain to her why she shouldn't feel so rejected?

Thanks for reading. Bright

by on Mar. 21, 2014 at 9:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 9:26 AM
1 mom liked this

What's there to explain? Your DD is an adult. She can interpret for herself what the SM is saying. The SM doesn't want her in her house. Now your DD is seeing her SM's true colors.

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Mar. 21, 2014 at 9:30 AM
She's an adult, tell her to let it go in one ear and out the other. I know that's easier said then done but it's not like she's a small child... She should be able to handle this on her own.

I think it's a little bizarre she is going to stop working for two years to get her Masters. How will she support herself?
tiafez
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 9:31 AM
1 mom liked this

after having my boys gone for a few years, I'm not so sure I want a full house again either. wouldn't your daughter prefer to share an apt. with other students her age? mine would. 

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 9:31 AM
5 moms liked this

I don't see how she's spoiled.........and what does Dad have to say about this!?

I don't care how old my kids are-if they need somewhere to stay-they have a home with me and their father!

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 9:38 AM

The masters programs often come with a stipend. Because it's two years, I assume she will be getting a stipend fom the school (in exhange for teaching a class or grading papers, etc.). They will pay her to go to school for her master's. It's pretty typical. But generally it's not enough to live on without roommates. 

Quoting ChelseNichole: She's an adult, tell her to let it go in one ear and out the other. I know that's easier said then done but it's not like she's a small child... She should be able to handle this on her own. I think it's a little bizarre she is going to stop working for two years to get her Masters. How will she support herself?


ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Mar. 21, 2014 at 9:48 AM
Ahh I see. The girl I coach with is currently getting her masters... She's a teacher, so she is doing it while still working during the day. I know a few other who did it while working as well..I wasn't even thinking the school would have something like that. Good to know!

Quoting whatIknownow:

The masters programs often come with a stipend. Because it's two years, I assume she will be getting a stipend fom the school (in exhange for teaching a class or grading papers, etc.). They will pay her to go to school for her master's. It's pretty typical. But generally it's not enough to live on without roommates. 

Quoting ChelseNichole: She's an adult, tell her to let it go in one ear and out the other. I know that's easier said then done but it's not like she's a small child... She should be able to handle this on her own.

I think it's a little bizarre she is going to stop working for two years to get her Masters. How will she support herself?

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 9:51 AM
6 moms liked this

Eh, I don't think the sm is a stepmonster. And I don't see why this is an issue.

Your daughter has a bachelor's degree and a full time job. Most folks who are at the place she is continue to work while seeking their masters. Quitting your job to attend school again is a luxury at that point...

Who is going to financially supporting your adult daughter if she quits her job to attend school? Unless she's saved a lot that burden is going to fall on the adults she is living with as I know masters programs do not pay remotely enough to live on even with the stipend...been there, done that with my dh.  He is working full time as always while attending school...it's life. You want the degree when you are adult you make the sacrifices to get there.

While I get why her feelings are hurt the reality is she's an educated adult with a full time job. She can do this without having to quit her job and live with her parents again.  Yes, she might have to choose a different school but that's life...when you are an adult you don't have the luxury of just doing whatever you want unless you are fully financially independent and if she can't do this without living with a parent I'm going to assume that's not the case.

 

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 9:57 AM
3 moms liked this

There's a difference though...she is an adult with a full time job...this isn't someone who is destitute...this is an adult who wants to quit employment to continue her eductation.

Having another adult move into your home is going to be a huge lifestyle change...doesn't matter if it's your kid or not. And who is going to foot the bill if she is unemployed?

There are other choices she can make...the one she wants is just the easiest for her. And while I get that she has to consider the fact that the main burden of her request isn't going to fall on her...

Quoting Tigress22304:

I don't see how she's spoiled.........and what does Dad have to say about this!?

I don't care how old my kids are-if they need somewhere to stay-they have a home with me and their father!

 

babie113
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 10:00 AM
I agree with this

Quoting jlg12678:

Eh, I don't think the sm is a stepmonster. And I don't see why this is an issue.


Your daughter has a bachelor's degree and a full time job. Most folks who are at the place she is continue to work while seeking their masters. Quitting your job to attend school again is a luxury at that point...Who is going to financially supporting your adult daughter if she quits her job to attend school? Unless she's saved a lot that burden is going to fall on the adults she is living with as I know masters programs do not pay remotely enough to live on even with the stipend...been there, done that with my dh.  He is working full time as always while attending school...it's life. You want the degree when you are adult you make the sacrifices to get there. While I get why her feelings are hurt the reality is she's an educated adult with a full time job. She can do this without having to quit her job and live with her parents again.  Yes, she might have to choose a different school but that's life...when you are an adult you don't have the luxury of just doing whatever you want unless you are fully financially independent and if she can't do this without living with a parent I'm going to assume that's not the case.


 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 10:01 AM

Rutgers pays $27K a year, not including what you can make in the summer. So with the summer it's probably about $30K a year. I know some are higher than that. My DD is in grad school at Rutgers, she's in a PhD program but I think the masters programs are the same.

Quoting jlg12678:masters programs do not pay remotely enough to live on even with the stipend...


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