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BM teaches stepson how to lie

Posted by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:43 AM
  • 66 Replies
Background: My 8 year old stepson has ADHD. I have two biological children, one of which is my husband's son also. We get every other weekend visits and every other Thursday responsibilities with SS. (Pick up from school, homework, eat, shower, bed... and that's pretty much all we have time for.) So... BM is recently married, around the same time that my son was born. This is when she implemented our new schedule with SS. He's having a super hard time in school, behaviourally and academically. He tells us that his mom and step dad do not: help with homework, cook dinner (they make pizza or order Chinese, etc), eat in the same room with him, wash clothes, make him shower everyday, teach the dogs not to poop on all of his things, etc, etc. He also has said that he's been allowed to stay home ALONE until recently because he "told too many people" and now he's not allowed to. When confronted about these things, BM denies everyone of them, of course. SS informed us recently that his mother has TOLD HIM TO LIE TO HIS FATHER about these issues and more, if he "thinks it might make Daddy mad at Mommy." I could go on for days about other things that she's allowed him to do that are INSANE... With his own MOTHER encouraging him to lie, even about SHOWERS, how do we discipher or discipline the lying in our home? Where to go from here?! (There is NO communication with BM as she simply ignores all of my husband's attempts!)
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tiafez
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:51 AM

this is the word of a child?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:51 AM

Let it go. You are basing all this on the word of an 8yo.

Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:53 AM
2 moms liked this

My DH struggles with the same issue. BM teaches SD to lie about going to her husbands home without BM parents. There is a CO protection order where SD is not allowed around SF without BOTH grandparents and her mom around. He is a sex offender and that's all the judge would do. SD has admitted they go to SF house without grandma and grandpa. Not much we can do right now unless DH can catch her red handed pretty much. SD is told not to tell dad or mommy will get in trouble! and SD will be taken away from her! She wouldn't want that, now would she! ...disgusting. So, it's taught SD to lie about other things.

Really...all we can do it redirect over what she is being taught over there. Continue with our rules and routine and hope someday she realizes what she is being put through over there.

loumom1109
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:04 AM
Quoting tiafez:

this is the word of a child?



We know that most of these things are true, for sure. My husband was married to this woman, after all, and she doesn't know how to Cook, does not clean or do laundry, rarely bathed herself, and is lazy, selfish, and lies about whatever she thinks she can get away with. So, for his son to convey what my husband already knows to be true of her, in his own words, is frightening. The issue though: how do you teach a child that what his MOTHER is teaching him is wrong?
loumom1109
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:08 AM
Also! She has admitted to the accusation of allowing him to try her "harmless" e-cig. This was a long time ago and the issue wasn't dropped for quite a while, which is why I suspect she has since closed all lines of communication.
bcauseimthemom
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:09 AM
2 moms liked this

Why don't the two of you file for emergency custody and then follow through with a petition for full custody....??

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:11 AM
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You don't. Trying to do so will backfire on you. I wouldn't touch this with a 100 foot pole.

Based on what you say your husband has said about the mother, she's probably right that daddy will be mad at mommy since daddy basically has nothing but contempt for mommy. He's protecting his mother from his father. If you really want to do something about this situation, get your husband to understand how his contempt for his son's mother is going to impact his relationship with him going forward.

Quoting loumom1109:The issue though: how do you teach a child that what his MOTHER is teaching him is wrong?


loumom1109
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:19 AM
My stepson is aware that Mommy and Daddy do not get along,but no ill is spoken of her while he's within even 100 feet of any conversation. He has no idea of either of our true feelings about his mom.
Quoting whatIknownow:

You don't. Trying to do so will backfire on you. I wouldn't touch this with a 100 foot pole.

Based on what you say your husband has said about the mother, she's probably right that daddy will be mad at mommy since daddy basically has nothing but contempt for mommy. He's protecting his mother from his father. If you really want to do something about this situation, get your husband to understand how his contempt for his son's mother is going to impact his relationship with him going forward.

Quoting loumom1109:The issue though: how do you teach a child that what his MOTHER is teaching him is wrong?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this

Your statement that he is worried dad will be angry at mom, indicates that he is indeed very away of his father's contempt for his mother. He appears to be protective of his mother, and this is something that your husband should consider.

Quoting loumom1109: My stepson is aware that Mommy and Daddy do not get along,but no ill is spoken of her while he's within even 100 feet of any conversation. He has no idea of either of our true feelings about his mom.
Quoting whatIknownow:

You don't. Trying to do so will backfire on you. I wouldn't touch this with a 100 foot pole.

Based on what you say your husband has said about the mother, she's probably right that daddy will be mad at mommy since daddy basically has nothing but contempt for mommy. He's protecting his mother from his father. If you really want to do something about this situation, get your husband to understand how his contempt for his son's mother is going to impact his relationship with him going forward.

Quoting loumom1109:The issue though: how do you teach a child that what his MOTHER is teaching him is wrong?



Carolina1019
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:25 AM
4 moms liked this


Quoting whatIknownow:

Your statement that he is worried dad will be angry at mom, indicates that he is indeed very away of his father's contempt for his mother. He appears to be protective of his mother, and this is something that your husband should consider.

Quoting loumom1109: My stepson is aware that Mommy and Daddy do not get along,but no ill is spoken of her while he's within even 100 feet of any conversation. He has no idea of either of our true feelings about his mom.
Quoting whatIknownow:

You don't. Trying to do so will backfire on you. I wouldn't touch this with a 100 foot pole.

Based on what you say your husband has said about the mother, she's probably right that daddy will be mad at mommy since daddy basically has nothing but contempt for mommy. He's protecting his mother from his father. If you really want to do something about this situation, get your husband to understand how his contempt for his son's mother is going to impact his relationship with him going forward.

Quoting loumom1109:The issue though: how do you teach a child that what his MOTHER is teaching him is wrong?



Eh, not necessarily. Just because mom told the kid that daddy will be mad at mommy doesn't mean he will be, or has done it in the past. My family has certainly experienced that. It's a very alienation technique.

That being said ....as a NCP, there is a not a lot you can do here to help. You all can't control what the mom does, and grilling the kid about what goes on at his mom's house is not going to help. Even if mom is doing all the things the child says, you probably can't change that.

If the situation at mom's house is that bad, try petitioning for more custody time. Apart that, not a lot you can do.

I feel for you. I know it's not easy. 

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