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Setting a precedence for skids/kids shouldn't Always be included in stepfamilies!

Posted by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:31 AM
  • 99 Replies
Bm of 3 dds 1,11&12 full time. Sm of 2 stepsons 14&18. Dh has them 12-14 days a month. Now that they are teens it's been 12 days (usually).

As many know(in my stitch)this is my dh's home. Skids had their own rooms when I moved in. My dds share(which is fine until the new edition came along) but it doesn't bother me until things happen like this happen....

Sometimes my dds watch tv or lay down in my skids room. They don't touch anything,Ect. There are rules when they are in there. My ydd is sick so I told ODD12 to go sleep in OSS18 room. Ss comes by here this morning yelling at my odd and asking her why she's in his room,to Get out,Ect.

This pisses me off. They hardly ever want to be here as it is. My dh has tried EVERYTHING to get them to come over. Movie night,$ for some chores,dinners, one on one time,Ect.

They are just ungrateful little butt heads sometimes. (Yes,I love them but I can be mad sometimes) Skids(even my dds sometimes) walk into our room unannounced and spray 10 sprays of $100 cologne on yet want to yell at my dds for sleeping/watching tv in their rooms??! I don't think so. Yss doesn't even keep clothes here anymore. His closet is literally empty. Dh even let me put our winter stuff in there bc there's so much room.

I'm just mad at this whole precedence stuff. Crap changes,deal with it. The parents can do what they want and that's that. Sorry to bring you in here lee but it reminds me of lees stitch(totally not the same,but same thought pattern). Just because something has gone on for a long time does not mean it should continue! Just bc my skids had these rooms first,does not give them precedence over my kids. If lees ss Bm moved,would ppl be mad at the Bm? Or just look at it as she moved? Things don't always stay the same and these kids aren't living in poverty so what gives?!?!

End of my vent.... I don't care if my dds share a room but I will care when OSS graduates high school and goes and lives with Bm FT and visits here. Then it will change in a couple of months. IMO. Pfffffftttttt! (Sorry,I know I've bitched about this before! Darn PMS! )
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:31 AM
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by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:38 AM
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If this were an intact home, rooms would likely change with the addition of a new sibling.
by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:46 AM

I might point out that the SS spends little to no time in home and if he doesn't spend nights then he should give up his room to someone who needs it. Bedroom implies occasionally sleeping in it and maybe he can start to shift his things to one side and allow your kids to use it as a tv room or a spare bedroom?

by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:55 AM
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This is difficult, I'm interested to hear what others think. It would make sense to me for the boys to share a room after the oldest goes to college, but then who gets the extra room, baby or oldest daughter? My DH wouldn't ask the oldest boy to give up his room because he would think that would make them even less likely to ever come over. (He deals with that too). Your best bet, if possible, would probably be try to move and find a house that works better with your situation.

by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 12:33 PM
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I don't see a problem with switching around rooms. Maybe a heads up so the other kids know about it though
by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 12:48 PM
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IMO, if necessary needs of the kids living full time should take over the needs of kids who only visits.

by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 1:15 PM

My thoughts are, if the kids aren't there often, they don't need their own room in the house when there ARE kids who live there full time.

This is an opposite issue, and I know it's absolutely NONE of my business but...

At BF/SMs home, they have a 4 bedroom home.  2 master bedrooms, a smaller room, then a very small room.  2nd Master was an add on (before they bought the home) and the smaller room may have been too.  When they moved in they didn't have 2nd DD yet and 1st DD was nearly 2 (I think).  Boys were 7 and 11 or so?  Boys only went to their home one overnight a week (at that time).  They gave the boys the original master bedroom (with a private bath) and they took the newer (larger) Master bedroom (with private bath).  DD#1 took the normal room (between the two master bedrooms) and when DD#2 came along she took the very small room, next to the new master.  This made sense at the time.  They didn't want DD#1 to have a private bath at that young age and they wanted her closert to them. 

FF 5 years now... DD#1 is 7 (I think?), DD#2 is 4 (I think?) and the boys don't even go once a week anymore.  As far as I know the girls still have their smaller rooms while this larger room sits empty very often.  ODS16 goes to the house maybe 10 times a year.  YDS11 goes to the house maybe 35 - 40 times a year.  BF has told the boys (because they asked/suggested it) that he will not take away 'their room' at the house.  They think it's rediculous that they would have the large room when they aren't there often at all, and, as they get older, will be there even less often.  Their beds would easily fit in DD#1s room, with little else, but they do not keep clothing at BFs home (they pack a bag each time they go, they've always done this).  They don't 'need' anything more in there.  They could even move the TV in there (no cable, it's for video games), there is room for that and the 2 beds, but that's about it.  Then the girls could have the larger room (heck, lock the bathroom door so they can't hurt themselves if they were still fearful about that) and they'd still have an extra (smallest) room for 'whatever'...  but, it's BF who won't switch the rooms that would make the most sense... IMO anyway. 

But, again, I know it's NONE of my business who sleeps where in their home so I've stayed out of it (only mentioned it once to BF, that's when he told me their fear about the bathroom and the girls being too young, which made sense then).  The boys have mentioned it a few times since then but I just redirect them to BF.  They've told him repeatedly they will NOT have their feelings hurt if they switch rooms.  <Shrug>

(when xMIL goes out, she sleeps in the room and ODS takes the couch if he goes too)

by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 4:21 PM
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I feel like the children who are in the home full time should have the better/more convenient living spaces.
by Gold Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 4:31 PM
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 I agree with this. 

Quoting cdrainey3: I feel like the children who are in the home full time should have the better/more convenient living spaces.


by Ruby Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 5:42 PM
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 we tell all the kids that all the rooms are OURS to do what we please with, because WE pay the rent. that said, skids and my kids verify w each other if its ok to go into each others room. ds19 never has any interest in going into anyone elses room, ds15 sometimes goes into ss's room to do something w the ps3, but ok's it w SO or the skids first.

by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 5:48 PM
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step kids should share room. your girls share room and baby have a room. if it hasent happened its probably because your dh, he's the one who should change it
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