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My Step-Son is facing charges

Posted by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:17 PM
  • 185 Replies

My 12 year old step-son is currently facing charges for sexual assault.  He molested my 4 year old niece in December.  My family won't have anything to do with me.  They especially want nothing to do with my step-son and have made it clear that he will never be considered family.  I can barely stand to be in the house with my step-son.

As soon as I knew about my step-son molesting my niece, my husband and I took step-son to a psychiatric in-patient treatment center.  They refused to admit him, even for just a 48 hour hold for us to get ourselves together and make a plan.  They told us that we were over reacting, and that I should just tell mt brother that he was also over reacting.

After calling several residential treatment centers around the country I was finally referred back to expert in juvenile sexual deviance in our area.  I requested an appointment, but was told that my step-son could not be seen because this is a mandatory reporting issue.  So I called our local sheriff's office and filed a report, then called the expert again to schedule an appointment.  This time I was told that my step-son couldn't been seen during an open investigation and that I would have to wait until therapy is court ordered.

After a month the local sheriff's office finally contacted me to interview my step-son.  He admitted everything and signed a confession.  The detective told him how brave and well-behaved he was, and he left the interview just beaming.  I was sick and totally destroyed.  I asked that I not be in the room during the interview, but they had me stay and listen to the details of everything that was done to my niece.  Now I shudder every time my step-son's hand brushes mine.  I can't even imagine ever being able to hug him again.  He disgusts me.

It's been months now, and no one has contacted me to tell me what is going on.  Every time I try to call someone to find out what is going on, the case is in a different office, or the person I need to speak to isn't available.  Someone always take a message to call me, but no one ever does call me.  As far as I know at this point the case is with the local district attorney's office. 

I'm so frustrated.  When children have to wait this long to face consequences for their actions, they can barely even connect the consequences to the action!  And my step-son acts as if nothing is wrong, as if he just got away with it.  He's still lying every day, skipping school work, skipping chores, being disrespectful, and looking up porn every chance he gets.  He hasn't been allowed outside or around other children since December.  Once I let my guard down and let him ride his scooter around the block.  I went outside to find him down the block talking to an adult he didn't know, a man who had two very young girls with him, one who looked so much like my niece.  I lost my mind.  I've spanked, yelled, begged, taken toys and electronics.  Nothing will get through to him.  I feel like I have no idea how to parent a child molester with out of control behavior, and I have no where to turn for help.

Before this, my step-son attempted to molest my kid sister when she was 6 years old and my step-son was only 8 years old.  My step-son shop lifted from a department store when he was 9.  By the time he was 10 he was caught flagging down cars on his way to school to ask for money.  He has no remorse for anything.  He will lie even when faced with irrefutable evidence.  He makes his eyes so wide, bates his eye lashes, and acts like he has no idea why anyone is upset with him.  It makes me want to pop his head right off of his neck.

I've been in therapy since the incident in December.  I've told my therapist that I can't handle how constantly angry I am at my step-son.  I've even said that I do genuinely wish him harm.  I've fantasied about hurting him.  I am just so desperate to get him to stop acting like this.  I don't feel like I was taken seriously.  Now I just don't even know what to do.

by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Pero3
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:22 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm so sorry you are going through this ...

Where is your DH in all this? Where is the BM? I only read that you went, you did, you called ...where are the parents?

StrawberryHair
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:28 PM

Well, that's a great question!  My husband works 12 hour days.  He's supportive enough, but literally not availible to make any calls or attend any appointments.  The birth mother left my husband and gave him sole custody when step-son was 2 months.  He still calls her from time to time, but she never bothers to call him.  When this happened he called her to ask if he could go live with her.  She told him yes.  She has yet to call and discuss that with my husband, and she's actually not taking my step-son's calls lately.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:36 PM

what is your husband doing to protect other children from this?

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:40 PM
9 moms liked this

I'm sorry, but no amount of love in this world would make me want to deal with someone else's child BY MYSELF in your situation.  Your DH should be handling business, this is his child!  He should not be leaving it up to you to take care of.

Pero3
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:43 PM
2 moms liked this

 I'm afraid your husband will have to figure something out .. cut down his hours, find another job. You can't (and shouldn't) be dealing with this on his own.

Do you work?

Quoting StrawberryHair:

Well, that's a great question!  My husband works 12 hour days.  He's supportive enough, but literally not availible to make any calls or attend any appointments.  The birth mother left my husband and gave him sole custody when step-son was 2 months.  He still calls her from time to time, but she never bothers to call him.  When this happened he called her to ask if he could go live with her.  She told him yes.  She has yet to call and discuss that with my husband, and she's actually not taking my step-son's calls lately.

 

StrawberryHair
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:44 PM

DH isn't doing anything but supporting me.  I've been the primary parent for SS since we got together 5 years ago.  I home school and I'm home with SS every day.  I make sure that SS does not interact with other children.  Any calls that need to be made or appointments that need to occur happen when DH is working.  I willingly took on the role of primary parent and I can't just throw my hands up and walk away just because this happened.  It's my role to dela with it, I just don't feel like I really have any resources to deal with it.

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 I am very sorry that you have to live this.  I'm sure it is very hard.

As far as your family is concerned?  This is still new and fresh.  It's only been a few months.  Give them time and space to heal...

As far as your SS?  Has he been in therapy throughout all this?  I mean, starting when he was 8? 

kristinbugg
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:45 PM
1 mom liked this
First, you need to recognize that your SS is likely a victim of sexual assault. Children do not just begin molesting other children out of nowhere.

Second, you need to recognize that you are not fit to be with your step son. You admit that you wish him harm and that you have even fantasized of hurting him. He does not deserve to be subjected to you and your poisoned attitude.

Third, you need to stop putting your hands on a child that does not belong to you.
STEPMOMDD
by Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:51 PM
Sounds like ss has some serious issues. U need to protect your family from this. Do whatever it takes.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:52 PM

SS's Dad needs to find the time to take care of his son or find someone else to do it for him.

I hope you didn't tell your family about the kid sister incident because they probably could lay some of the blame at your feet for the repeat, your family is thinking about that poor baby whose innocence has been destroyed. I don't think you should be around SS either, it is too much for you to handle.

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