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Two Adult SDs

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2014 at 3:28 AM
  • 18 Replies
I am concerned that as an adult stepmother with 2 adult SD's who seem like they are concerned that I am a "gold digger". I had $ when I married (tho not as much as husband), insisted on pre-nup (I had been taken before), paid for 1/2 our current house and property, etc. Subtle remarks ie., "you retired at 45!" (not true); Dad you can't use same lawyer as she does (not my choice - his choice)...

The oldest SD is very money oriented and discusses all her "concerns" with younger SD. Nothing confrontational at this point (their father and I are in pretty good health at this time) but I am going to discuss the innuendos with eldest SD to prevent any escalation soon. Her father does not "see any problems" and wonders if I am imagining things (not!). Any tips for adult conversation with eldest SD?
by on Mar. 28, 2014 at 3:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 3:59 AM

If you have your own money whats the problem?

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 6:50 AM
Why would you have a conversation with the daughter? If dad was concerned about it he should have a conversation with his daughter...
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 7:26 AM
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I would just make sure you have all the legal documents (wills, trusts, deeds, etc.) in order, and avoid the topic of money when the SDs are around. It is not polite to talk about money.

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 7:32 AM
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If she makes a snide remark concerning money, politely ask her if there is something she is concerned about. Otherwise, drop it.

WIKN pointed out that it is not polite to talk about money. For most families, this is true. For many, it is not. Both men I was married to came from families where money was openly discussed at every opportunity. I found it/find it appalling and intrusive. They think it is normal and social. If it makes you uncomfortable, let your husband know THAT, without accusing his daughter of any alterior motives or thoughts.
wise.toes
by Silver Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 10:00 AM

any tips? just don't do it. it's up to their father to have financial discussions with them. 

i'm not even sure what you would even begin to say to her. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 10:05 AM
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I would just let it go. Ignore what she says. None of it matters. You can't change people's opinions of you - I say, why bother?
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Dixieangel35
by Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 10:19 AM

My Hunny's exW used yo tell their son I was " after dad for his $".  We laugh about it, because after 22 years of marriage, a divorce, son in college, and MIL in nursing home, well there was no $. Of course this was coming from a woman who was mad because she signed for SS car and ended up with it when he couldn't make the payments. She thought we should give her money to pay it off and let her keep it because it would ruin her credit to give it up. WTF?! We are still paying off a cc she took out  (back when they where married) without DH's knowledge.


i just smiled and said, " I will see what we can do, but I need to take care of this, this, and this, for my family 1st." When she started to get pissy, I reminded her that my DH had just got out of the hospital and would be out of work for at least another month. The only income coming in was mine, kids at home where mine, so they came 1st. She never tried that bs again.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 10:26 AM

 My dad got married to my SM when me and my siblings were adults and we had the same concern.  I think that this is a normal concern for adult children worried about their parent.  My Dad and SM drew up a provisional prenup that was for the first 10 years of marriage.  They just celebrated their 10 year, so that is gone. 

After all these years though, we know her very, very well and that concern is no longer there.  It just went away in time with us knowing her and having a relationship with her. 

I don't know that I would talk to her necessarily but if she is making snide comments, that is not OK too.  I'm not totally against talking to her about finances.  The other thing is that although it is oK for the children to be concerned, it is not OK for them to know all of yours and DH business.  DH has to set up a boundary there at some point.

buttercup627
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 10:33 AM
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I think you should tell your dh that you aren't comfortable discussing your financial arrangements with his children and have him tell his dds that he is protected and can take care of himself. Then if they bring it up again just shut it down politely "I understand your concerns but it's not your business and it's not polite to conversation" then drop it
Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Mar. 28, 2014 at 10:47 AM

I'd talk to DH about it then have him talk to her. Your money isn't her business. By your actions and love for DH...maybe she will get over herself and let her dad live his life.

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