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For the new stepmoms and the not-so-new that are sincerely seeking help

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Be careful.  Take "advice" with a grain of salt.  Listen to the ladies that are kind and offer constructive solutions.  I have seen countless women ripped to shreds in here by a group of angry bio mothers.  Women come here seeking help...some are at wits end...and they get greeted with hostility, anger and judgment.

It makes me sad to know that someone hitting rock bottom in step hell comes to a "support site" and instead of support they get devoured.

Not all groups are like this..some are kind and helpful.   

Good luck to you!

by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 1:14 PM
Replies (21-30):
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 1:47 PM
2 moms liked this
Hahaha

Amanda is one of the super nice good people of the world.

Look, lady, perhaps you prefer to be coddled. Some of the women here who are the most outspoken and brash are the ones whose advice helped the most.

They didn't coddle me. They didn't support my whining. They told me straight up when I was going down a bad road....

I credit them for helping reduce conflict with bm, and with my husband and stepkids.

Quoting FroYoBitch:

 Exhibit A...


Quoting amanda_mom89: I think you'd be surprised to find out that most of the women in here are SMs. Not BM's. And yes, some women in here are bitches from time to time. But most of the time I see someone whining it's because they got a strong dose of reality and truth and they didn't like it. This group is not everyone's cup of tea. But if have thick skin and an open mind, it's chock full of great advice and supportive women. The women who have been successful in their step lives have overcome a lot and they didn't get there by crying that someone was mean. You have to be tough, flexible and willing to step outside your comfort zone. And that's why their advice comes like it does. I don't know where I'd be without this group. I don't always agree with everyone and sometimes a post doesn't go the way I want it to.. But this is a good group.

 

StrawberryHair
by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 1:48 PM
6 moms liked this

I hit a really low point the other day.  I came here because I didn't feel like I had anyone else to talk to.  I felt like I was at "rock bottom".  But I also came here because none of you know me.  None you have any motivation to sugar-coat your opinions or pay lip-service to me.  Everyone around me seems to flip-flop on their opinions constantly, and I always feel like no one wants to be straight with me.  DO I like getting called out on my shit?  Hell no!  Who does!  But I appreciate the honesty I can find here.

Now, I certainly feel like 2 or 3 members really did want to "tear me to shfreds", and at least 2 of those members were BM.  IMO they zeroed in on a few lines of text and willfully disregarded the bigger picture.  They struck me as too high drama to really be taken seriously, but they sure did get under my skin!

I think what OP has to say is eloquent, helful and encouraging.  But I also agree that we can't persecute those you simply stand by their integrety & honesty.

Best advice I would offer anyone else new to this group:  Take a deep breath, accept that some will not agree with you, and remember that every single reply is opinion and nothing more.

SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 1:50 PM

 

Quoting stepdiva: And sometimes we just need to know we aren't the only ones facing whatever the problem or challenge is. Unless you've been a step parent, you can't possibly know what it entails. This is the hardest thing I've ever done!

Then people need to reword their posts. If what you say is you want some commonality between yourself and other SMs then say that. Hey this is what is going on so I'm wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with it and how they approached it. No need for all the excess information, unless someone asks a question.

Ex: Stepkid doesn't respect me because BM talks bad about me. That may be...but its dads responsibility in your home to make sure kid respects you.

Majority of the time issues are outside SMs control and are things that Dad should be shielding her from or dealing with himself.

For a few years I did the majority of communication...until BM crossed the line. I quit and let the parents deal with it. They managed just fine and I wasn't stressed about it anymore.

FroYoBitch
by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 1:54 PM
5 moms liked this

My message is for those wondering "WTF just happened" when they come here for support (as the Group Guidelines state) and find hostility and venom from members with serious baggage and issues of their own to work through.

If the shoe doesn't fit then no need to get defensive, right?   

I anticipate a lot of venom by those that will never see themselves fitting the profile.  That's OK...if a few ladies find some comfort knowing that it's NOT them..my post was worthwhile.

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 1:55 PM
5 moms liked this

If SP is the hardest thing you have ever done you have either had a very easy life or you are doing it wrong. There is nothing in SP that you have to do but do no harm. If doing no harm is so hard then your issue is far beyond step-parenting.

Quoting stepdiva: And sometimes we just need to know we aren't the only ones facing whatever the problem or challenge is. Unless you've been a step parent, you can't possibly know what it entails. This is the hardest thing I've ever done!
Quoting FroYoBitch:

Be careful.  Take "advice" with a grain of salt.  Listen to the ladies that are kind and offer constructive solutions.  I have seen countless women ripped to shreds in here by a group of angry bio mothers.  Women come here seeking help...some are at wits end...and they get greeted with hostility, anger and judgment.

It makes me sad to know that someone hitting rock bottom in step hell comes to a "support site" and instead of support they get devoured.

Not all groups are like this..some are kind and helpful.   

Good luck to you!


***Briterican***


FroYoBitch
by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 1:58 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting soonergirl980:

If SP is the hardest thing you have ever done you have either had a very easy life or you are doing it wrong. There is nothing in SP that you have to do but do no harm. If doing no harm is so hard then your issue is far beyond step-parenting.

Quoting stepdiva: And sometimes we just need to know we aren't the only ones facing whatever the problem or challenge is. Unless you've been a step parent, you can't possibly know what it entails. This is the hardest thing I've ever done!
Quoting FroYoBitch:

Be careful.  Take "advice" with a grain of salt.  Listen to the ladies that are kind and offer constructive solutions.  I have seen countless women ripped to shreds in here by a group of angry bio mothers.  Women come here seeking help...some are at wits end...and they get greeted with hostility, anger and judgment.

It makes me sad to know that someone hitting rock bottom in step hell comes to a "support site" and instead of support they get devoured.

Not all groups are like this..some are kind and helpful.   

Good luck to you!

....and so it begins...

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:04 PM
8 moms liked this

I always find these "call out" posts a little ironic considering you are doing the same thing by judging other peoples posts as "unhelpful" or a "group of angry BM" a vast majority of the women on here both SM and mothers and who the hell are you to decide what is helpful and what is not helpful?

CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:04 PM
2 moms liked this
oh come on. stop assuming you know the dynamics of this group newbie
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:10 PM
I am confused by your by how Amanda is proving your point, she was eloquent, well thought, and respectful. And she is a SM.

Quoting FroYoBitch:

 Exhibit A...


Quoting amanda_mom89: I think you'd be surprised to find out that most of the women in here are SMs. Not BM's. And yes, some women in here are bitches from time to time. But most of the time I see someone whining it's because they got a strong dose of reality and truth and they didn't like it. This group is not everyone's cup of tea. But if have thick skin and an open mind, it's chock full of great advice and supportive women. The women who have been successful in their step lives have overcome a lot and they didn't get there by crying that someone was mean. You have to be tough, flexible and willing to step outside your comfort zone. And that's why their advice comes like it does. I don't know where I'd be without this group. I don't always agree with everyone and sometimes a post doesn't go the way I want it to.. But this is a good group.

 

KekeLi938
by Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't post on this group very often, but when I do I expect that people will be more honest with their advice then anyone else I am around. My husbands former lawyer was the same way, and it use to drive my husbands ex mad, because she couldn't handle how upfront and honest his lawyer was. It comes with the territory of a group, not everyone is going to take your side especially if they not agree with it, so that you can feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

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