Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

For the new stepmoms and the not-so-new that are sincerely seeking help

Posted by   + Show Post

Be careful.  Take "advice" with a grain of salt.  Listen to the ladies that are kind and offer constructive solutions.  I have seen countless women ripped to shreds in here by a group of angry bio mothers.  Women come here seeking help...some are at wits end...and they get greeted with hostility, anger and judgment.

It makes me sad to know that someone hitting rock bottom in step hell comes to a "support site" and instead of support they get devoured.

Not all groups are like this..some are kind and helpful.   

Good luck to you!

by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 1:14 PM
Replies (31-40):
FroYoBitch
by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:15 PM
3 moms liked this

Y'all are missing the point and that's OK.  A mom or two will read this and feel better.  That was my goal.

/done.

daddysgf
by and that's all on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:20 PM
1 mom liked this
And is honestly one of the kindest people in here..
Weird
Quoting LyndaLoo78: I am confused by your by how Amanda is proving your point, she was eloquent, well thought, and respectful. And she is a SM.
Quoting FroYoBitch:

 Exhibit A...


Quoting amanda_mom89: I think you'd be surprised to find out that most of the women in here are SMs. Not BM's. And yes, some women in here are bitches from time to time. But most of the time I see someone whining it's because they got a strong dose of reality and truth and they didn't like it. This group is not everyone's cup of tea. But if have thick skin and an open mind, it's chock full of great advice and supportive women. The women who have been successful in their step lives have overcome a lot and they didn't get there by crying that someone was mean. You have to be tough, flexible and willing to step outside your comfort zone. And that's why their advice comes like it does. I don't know where I'd be without this group. I don't always agree with everyone and sometimes a post doesn't go the way I want it to.. But this is a good group.

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:30 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting FroYoBitch:

Y'all are missing the point and that's OK.  A mom or two will read this and feel better.  That was my goal.

/done.

While I can appreciate the intended purpose of your post, I don't think you're doing new/frustrated SMs a service by telling them to only listen to the voices that they're comfortable with.

I joined this group about 5 years ago and many of the most outspoken women are people I have spoken with on and offline and while their advice or comments weren't always kind per se, they were terribly helpful in waking me up and helping me to advocate for myself.  If the only voices you listen to are the ones telling you that you're doing it right, what chance do you have of improving the situation?

If it were going so "right" why would you be posting situational information and/or asking for advice?  Why would you BE at rock bottom?

The truth is, while some folks could take a class in diplomacy and tact, the message is still the same. Your mileage may vary of course.  But I belong to a few different chat forums for other things and the ones I value the most are the ones that are less butterflies/rainbows and more grounded in reality.  Maybe it's not for everyone.  But it certainly is better in my experience to hear the cold, hard truth than it is to be patted on the back for something that is fundamentally flawed and inappropriate.

I think that people IRL--friends, family, coworkers, etc--have unrealistic opinions of what it means to be a SP, what the role of a SP should be and their input creates MORE problems than it helps.  Here?  I've never, ever been advised or counseled to do something (by the majority) that didn't end up having a positive outcome.  NEVER.  In FIVE YEARS.

So if it feels a little too abrasive for you or other members, I can understand.  But if your gentle approach was working IRL, you probably wouldn't be asking for help.  Sometimes you have to shake things up to get a different result. 

In summary, I think that your "feel good" idea of gentle support makes sense for some if that's what they want, but I don't think it does any good and I for one am thankful that people speak up.


FroYoBitch
by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:35 PM

Again...my point was missed.  I did not say any of those things.

/really done this time.

Quoting Birdseed:


Quoting FroYoBitch:

Y'all are missing the point and that's OK.  A mom or two will read this and feel better.  That was my goal.

/done.

While I can appreciate the intended purpose of your post, I don't think you're doing new/frustrated SMs a service by telling them to only listen to the voices that they're comfortable with.

I joined this group about 5 years ago and many of the most outspoken women are people I have spoken with on and offline and while their advice or comments weren't always kind per se, they were terribly helpful in waking me up and helping me to advocate for myself.  If the only voices you listen to are the ones telling you that you're doing it right, what chance do you have of improving the situation?

If it were going so "right" why would you be posting situational information and/or asking for advice?  Why would you BE at rock bottom?

The truth is, while some folks could take a class in diplomacy and tact, the message is still the same. Your mileage may vary of course.  But I belong to a few different chat forums for other things and the ones I value the most are the ones that are less butterflies/rainbows and more grounded in reality.  Maybe it's not for everyone.  But it certainly is better in my experience to hear the cold, hard truth than it is to be patted on the back for something that is fundamentally flawed and inappropriate.

I think that people IRL--friends, family, coworkers, etc--have unrealistic opinions of what it means to be a SP, what the role of a SP should be and their input creates MORE problems than it helps.  Here?  I've never, ever been advised or counseled to do something (by the majority) that didn't end up having a positive outcome.  NEVER.  In FIVE YEARS.

So if it feels a little too abrasive for you or other members, I can understand.  But if your gentle approach was working IRL, you probably wouldn't be asking for help.  Sometimes you have to shake things up to get a different result. 

In summary, I think that your "feel good" idea of gentle support makes sense for some if that's what they want, but I don't think it does any good and I for one am thankful that people speak up.



LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:40 PM
Why not just PM them directly?

Quoting FroYoBitch:

Y'all are missing the point and that's OK.  A mom or two will read this and feel better.  That was my goal.

/done.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:42 PM
3 moms liked this

S I just quoted your "advice" to another post.  Seems you get to play tough bitch but others can't?  Where is all of your oh so kind and supportive words for posters?

FroYoBitch
by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:45 PM
I do. Thanks.

Quoting LyndaLoo78: Why not just PM them directly?

Quoting FroYoBitch:

Y'all are missing the point and that's OK.  A mom or two will read this and feel better.  That was my goal.

/done.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, if several reasonably intelligent posters are missing your point, perhaps you'd like to make your point more clear?  If you want to discuss, then discuss.  If you just want to give someone a hug, do it privately.

Quoting FroYoBitch:

Again...my point was missed.  I did not say any of those things.

/really done this time.

Quoting Birdseed:


Quoting FroYoBitch:

Y'all are missing the point and that's OK.  A mom or two will read this and feel better.  That was my goal.

/done.

While I can appreciate the intended purpose of your post, I don't think you're doing new/frustrated SMs a service by telling them to only listen to the voices that they're comfortable with.

I joined this group about 5 years ago and many of the most outspoken women are people I have spoken with on and offline and while their advice or comments weren't always kind per se, they were terribly helpful in waking me up and helping me to advocate for myself.  If the only voices you listen to are the ones telling you that you're doing it right, what chance do you have of improving the situation?

If it were going so "right" why would you be posting situational information and/or asking for advice?  Why would you BE at rock bottom?

The truth is, while some folks could take a class in diplomacy and tact, the message is still the same. Your mileage may vary of course.  But I belong to a few different chat forums for other things and the ones I value the most are the ones that are less butterflies/rainbows and more grounded in reality.  Maybe it's not for everyone.  But it certainly is better in my experience to hear the cold, hard truth than it is to be patted on the back for something that is fundamentally flawed and inappropriate.

I think that people IRL--friends, family, coworkers, etc--have unrealistic opinions of what it means to be a SP, what the role of a SP should be and their input creates MORE problems than it helps.  Here?  I've never, ever been advised or counseled to do something (by the majority) that didn't end up having a positive outcome.  NEVER.  In FIVE YEARS.

So if it feels a little too abrasive for you or other members, I can understand.  But if your gentle approach was working IRL, you probably wouldn't be asking for help.  Sometimes you have to shake things up to get a different result. 

In summary, I think that your "feel good" idea of gentle support makes sense for some if that's what they want, but I don't think it does any good and I for one am thankful that people speak up.



Shannonb88
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:46 PM
Honestly I thought the same thing when I first came to this group, as a step mom seeking advice.. Yes, there is always that one person who ruins it for the test of them, but after a few posts and getting to know them, I found out they were actually only trying to help. If you want shit sugar coated, this is NOT the site for you, but if you want the cold hard truth, then you're in the right place.
FroYoBitch
by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 2:46 PM
Me thinks she doth protest too much...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)