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Where does the idea come from

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:42 PM
  • 79 Replies
2 moms liked this

That parents cease to have a say in their child's life on the other parent's time after a divorce happens?

Who babysits - doesn't matter what mom/dad thinks if it isn't their time. Why not? Still their child, no?

What the kid eats (to a degree) - like no soda, no sugar. What is so wrong with a parent having a voice int hat for their own kid?

What they wear, what sports they do, or what they watch. When did a parent stop being a parent just because the parents didn't work out?

by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
abigailsmommy11
by Kelli on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:48 PM
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 Because most custodial parents refuse to let non-custodial parents have a say. So why would the non-custodial parent listen to anything the custodial parent says. it's a power play.

In my situation Bm's form of "parenting" is not parenting at all, so we do things completely different in our home.

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:53 PM

some of you ladies and your overuse of qualifiers.

Even if it is "most" is tit for tat the example you want kids seeing?

In your opinion it isn't parenting, but since you're not the parent what you think doesn't matter on that issue. She is the parent, your husband is and if either of them decide to cut the other out or install parent 2.0 because they have a different opinion on what other people's kids should be doing or how they are raised they both need to grow up.

They are both the parents at all times and being remarried or divorced/single doesn't change that and there is no reason to pretend that either have no say with their child.

Quoting abigailsmommy11:

 Because most custodial parents refuse to let non-custodial parents have a say. So why would the non-custodial parent listen to anything the custodial parent says. it's a power play.

In my situation Bm's form of "parenting" is not parenting at all, so we do things completely different in our home.


Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:55 PM
I don't have 100% control right now with DH, why would I expect a say if we divorced?
packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:58 PM


Quoting Polkadotted: I don't have 100% control right now with DH, why would I expect a say if we divorced?

with your own kid? I don't know, maybe because you're one of the parents. I'm not talking about house rules or that crap, I'm talking about how you want your child raised overall. What children do, watch, eat, etc are all a part of how they are raised. If you don't want a part of it, that is on you, fine. But if you do want a part of it, why wouldn't you have a say just because you're divorced? You have a say now and neither you or your man have 100% control. You work together to raise your kids so why should that change in a divorce?

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:00 PM

In my situation that idea came from the custodial mother, she is the boss parent and I have no problem with her getting her own way but I refuse to pick up the pieces because I will parent my children my way.

hershey6
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:01 PM
With small things such as no soda, tv time etc. there can be a difference even when the parents are together. I.E. growing up, if my mom was out of town or something I got far more sugar and tv time than if she was there (and my parents are still happily married). Some things are just not worth fighting over in my opinion.

However, with bigger situations (medical, school, etc) I think both parents should have a say. Unfortunately, in some cases (mostly high conflict) it seems to be a "negative side effect" of the parents no longer being together.
CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:03 PM
2 moms liked this
I think the idea comes from the fact that alot of people divorce for many many different reasons and im sure they don't see eye to eye on everything or they probably wouldn't have gotten divorced.
based on that , they most likely don't agree on every aspect of parenting or how they want their child raised.therefore on either parents time they will parent their child how they think is best regardless of what the other parent thinks. if your ex ( genera you) doesn't respect your parenting wishes , there is not a whole lot you CAN do when its on the other parents time, providing it doesn't harm the child.
SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:03 PM

 

Quoting packermom4ever:

with your own kid? I don't know, maybe because you're one of the parents. I'm not talking about house rules or that crap, I'm talking about how you want your child raised overall. What children do, watch, eat, etc are all a part of how they are raised. If you don't want a part of it, that is on you, fine. But if you do want a part of it, why wouldn't you have a say just because you're divorced? You have a say now and neither you or your man have 100% control. You work together to raise your kids so why should that change in a divorce?

Because people and things change or no one would get divorced. You can have any say you want, but it is up to the other parent whether they want to respect that...just as you should respect their right to change their mind about the way they do things.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Well if I tell DH things like no McDonalds and they will sneak out for boys trips there anyway. This isn't going to get better if we divorce. All I have going for me is that I chose a person that has the same major ideas in parenting.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Quoting Polkadotted: I don't have 100% control right now with DH, why would I expect a say if we divorced?

with your own kid? I don't know, maybe because you're one of the parents. I'm not talking about house rules or that crap, I'm talking about how you want your child raised overall. What children do, watch, eat, etc are all a part of how they are raised. If you don't want a part of it, that is on you, fine. But if you do want a part of it, why wouldn't you have a say just because you're divorced? You have a say now and neither you or your man have 100% control. You work together to raise your kids so why should that change in a divorce?

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:06 PM
2 moms liked this

This is why it's important to take the time and figure out if parenting values align before you decide to have a child with someone.

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