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Is this weird or is it just us?

Posted by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:07 PM
  • 33 Replies
Dss phone usage is monitored at our house. He is aware that dad checks all his messages. He doesn't have a smart phone, just a standard style. When you scroll down every text is listed.

Anyway this morning dh saw some texts from bms boyfriend that he is, not mad, but creeped out about. Dss went and hung out with some friends Friday night at a friends house (and coincidently the house of te hs principal) and his girlfriend was also there. While he was there bms boyfriend was texting things like 'don't forget the condom' 'better put your clothes on before I get there' and other references to dss having sex and oral sex.

Dss is 13 and in 8th grade. Dh (and I) don't think that dss is anywhere near sexual activity beyond kissing. He is shocked that a grown man would feel it was appropriate to say things of that nature to his son.
He had the big sex talk and has been good about checking with where dss might be emotionally and otherwise and has been trying hard to discourage dss from repeating his mistakes and doing things before he is ready to. So he feels like this is working against what he has been trying to instill in his son.

What would you do if you were the parent in this situation?
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:09 PM

Having been a teen Mom, we are very open about sex in our home.  When SS goes to his GF's house I tell him to keep hands above the blankets and he laughs and tells me that's gross.  He knows when the day comes that I will buy him condoms if needed.

But, to keep going on and on about it is creepy.

PinkButterfly66
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:11 PM
5 moms liked this

I would think that mom's boyfriend is a dumbass.  The texts were probably a joke and meant to embarrass the child.  What would I do?  I'd resist the urge to punch said dumbass in the teeth.  It was a stupid sophmorish thing to do and it shows just how immature mom's boyfriend really is.  

Mommy4000
by Bronze Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:11 PM

Sounds like immature banter. I certainly wouldn't find it to be appropriate language to use with a 13 year old. What were the messages back to him from your stepson, if any? Maybe your stepson is use to this type of behavior from his stepfather, but it doesn't make it right. Can your husband talk with this guy about how he communicates with his son?

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:15 PM
Dh is pretty open also. My kids are a little younger so I'm not in that territory yet. Dh has covered condoms and stds and oral sex and masturbation in his talks with dss. He will tease him not to get their braces locked but he felt like it came off as giving a 13 yo permission to engaged in activities he is clearly not in a position to handle and a little skeevy, like he was joking with another adult about 'hitting it'.
Dh has already made it clear that when the boys get older he will make sure there are condoms available to them.

Quoting WifeyC:

Having been a teen Mom, we are very open about sex in our home.  When SS goes to his GF's house I tell him to keep hands above the blankets and he laughs and tells me that's gross.  He knows when the day comes that I will buy him condoms if needed.

But, to keep going on and on about it is creepy.

Shannonb88
by Bronze Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:15 PM
He was probably only trying to funny... But failed, miserably. I would be pissed if someone spoke to my son like that. It's not appropriate. Maybe your DH can have a sit down with him, or BM and tell them that kind of talk is not needed. What do you think BM would do if she knew her boyfriend was saying those kind of things to her son?
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:22 PM
Bc bm doesn't monitor phone or Internet usage at her home dss shuts off his sent msgs on her days. He turns them back on as soon as dh picks him up on Sunday.
It didn't read like one side of a conversation, but who knows without the other side of the conversation.
If it were one of my boys I would probably have a talk with my child first. See what they were thinking and reenforce everything they talked about regarding sex and needing to be mature and ready. If my child expressed embarrassment at the messages I would then probably speak to the other parent regarding their so's behavior.
Dh had to leave for work about 5 mins later so he didn't really have a chance to expand on his thoughts.

Quoting Mommy4000:

Sounds like immature banter. I certainly wouldn't find it to be appropriate language to use with a 13 year old. What were the messages back to him from your stepson, if any? Maybe your stepson is use to this type of behavior from his stepfather, but it doesn't make it right. Can your husband talk with this guy about how he communicates with his son?

wise.toes
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:29 PM
2 moms liked this

i would think it was immature banter also, but i would mention it to BM and how you feel it's inappropriate. then leave it at that.

Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:29 PM

Some men find sexual joking with teens humorous...though it's inappropriate. I can see my ex doing something like that..it's annoying. Some just don't have filters or common sense. It's weird and creepy.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:29 PM
Usually he is te more mature of the two, which is why dh was initially shocked before the EW factor set in. We don't ask dss a lot about what goes on at bms house unless he asks to talk about something or is upset by something so I'm not sure, he could act like this and dh and I wouldn't really know.

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

I would think that mom's boyfriend is a dumbass.  The texts were probably a joke and meant to embarrass the child.  What would I do?  I'd resist the urge to punch said dumbass in the teeth.  It was a stupid sophmorish thing to do and it shows just how immature mom's boyfriend really is.  

PinkButterfly66
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:36 PM

Then I would have hubs talk to him man-to-man about how inappropriate that kind of convo via texting is.  Sure the kid needs to know about safe sex and should be able to talk to an adult about sex but the bathroom humor is not appropriate.

Quoting MommySabs: Usually he is te more mature of the two, which is why dh was initially shocked before the EW factor set in. We don't ask dss a lot about what goes on at bms house unless he asks to talk about something or is upset by something so I'm not sure, he could act like this and dh and I wouldn't really know.
Quoting PinkButterfly66:

I would think that mom's boyfriend is a dumbass.  The texts were probably a joke and meant to embarrass the child.  What would I do?  I'd resist the urge to punch said dumbass in the teeth.  It was a stupid sophmorish thing to do and it shows just how immature mom's boyfriend really is.  


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