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Possible adoption.......

Posted by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 6:53 PM
  • 31 Replies

When I married my husband he didn't really get to see his daughter much because "bio mom" well shes a bitch. But anyways I didn't even get to meet her until 2 months before we got married.And then 6 months later bio mom goes to jail and we get custody of her. And here were are 3 years later and a lengthy custody battle later and we or he has full custody of her and we were told there was no chance of bio mom ever getting her back and even visitation would be a long shot. She's 5 btw. She calls me mommy and has for a long time now. And she doesn't even recognize any of bio mom's family if we see them out.Granted we have issues with them and we don't speak to them she says she doesn't know who they are.Anywho my point with all of this is bio mom has issues and is currently running from the police/wanted and I want to adopt. But I have some concerns....Do any of you have an issues with looking at your step kids as your own? Does it bother you that he/she looks exactly like their bio parent? I'm not looking for judgment here. I just want advice and well to know that I'm not alone in how I feel....Thanks in advance. :)

by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 6:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 7:12 PM
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Why hasn't your husband facilitated a relationship between his child and her family? Family is important. My son sees his grandparents once a year. Maybe twice. At 4 he knew who they were and knew their names.

My husband adopted my son. His bio father did not want to be a father so he terminated his rights. My husband has no qualms about loving our son as his own. He is now his own. The reality is, yes another man helped to create this child, but the relationship they have has nothing to do with the BF. My son does look like his BF to a degree. My husband has never mentioned it. He doesn't look at our son and say, ugh his BF sucks. He doesn't think anything. Except how grateful he is that BF created such a precious little being and was selfless enough to know he wasn't ready for the responsibility, allowing dh to adopt.
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Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Apr. 4, 2014 at 7:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Yikes! Poor kiddo. Rough when the other parent fails like that.

My SD looks like a mini me of her mom...other than the weight. Luckily SD got my DHs energy lol But, that isn't the issue. Our issue is BMs attitude being an bad influence on SD. I don't need to look at her like my own...you are adopting so I can see the issue. So, maybe someone else will have better advice!

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 7:24 PM

so the mother is out of jail, and has not sought visitation?

rfarmer20
by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 8:09 PM

 

Quoting momof2ex1: Why hasn't your husband facilitated a relationship between his child and her family? Family is important. My son sees his grandparents once a year. Maybe twice. At 4 he knew who they were and knew their names. My husband adopted my son. His bio father did not want to be a father so he terminated his rights. My husband has no qualms about loving our son as his own. He is now his own. The reality is, yes another man helped to create this child, but the relationship they have has nothing to do with the BF. My son does look like his BF to a degree. My husband has never mentioned it. He doesn't look at our son and say, ugh his BF sucks. He doesn't think anything. Except how grateful he is that BF created such a precious little being and was selfless enough to know he wasn't ready for the responsibility, allowing dh to adopt.

 Like I said before there are issues there. And its not in her best interest to see them. Or have anything to do with them for that matter. They....arent good people. Like litterally every one of them has a criminal record.

rfarmer20
by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 8:15 PM

 

Quoting whatIknownow:

so the mother is out of jail, and has not sought visitation?

 

Yes. She has been out (the last time) for almost 9 months. And has not seen her one time since them or even tried. Hasn't had any contact what so ever. See has seen her a total of 10 1 hour visits in the last 3 years...the visitation wasn't forced my husband volunteered it hoping it would help him gain full custody...which it did.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 8:30 PM
Will she willingly terminate rights? Is she ordered to pay child support?

Does her daughter ask about her?

Quoting rfarmer20:

 


Quoting whatIknownow:

so the mother is out of jail, and has not sought visitation?


 


Yes. She has been out (the last time) for almost 9 months. And has not seen her one time since them or even tried. Hasn't had any contact what so ever. See has seen her a total of 10 1 hour visits in the last 3 years...the visitation wasn't forced my husband volunteered it hoping it would help him gain full custody...which it did.

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rfarmer20
by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 8:59 PM

 

Quoting momof2ex1: Will she willingly terminate rights? Is she ordered to pay child support? Does her daughter ask about her?
Quoting rfarmer20:

 

Quoting whatIknownow:

so the mother is out of jail, and has not sought visitation?

 

Yes. She has been out (the last time) for almost 9 months. And has not seen her one time since them or even tried. Hasn't had any contact what so ever. See has seen her a total of 10 1 hour visits in the last 3 years...the visitation wasn't forced my husband volunteered it hoping it would help him gain full custody...which it did.

 I seriously doubt she would willingly do so. But I have talked to numerous lawyers and all have said that given the circumstances it can be done without her knowledge after 6 months of no contact including child support...since we have no clue how to get ahold of her or if she is even still in the state.And No she doesnt pay any child support and hasnt paid for anything for her since the first time she went to jail and we gained custody. And again No.She doesnt ask about her or any of her family. Im not even sure she knows who she is anymore because after one of the hour visits she asked me if she was her aunt and why she had to go see her.

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:01 PM

If worrying about how she looks is something you think of then you should not go through with an adoption. Seriously if you love her like you say you do and truely want to adopt her out of love that shouldn't even be thought.

rfarmer20
by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:16 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting soonergirl980:

If worrying about how she looks is something you think of then you should not go through with an adoption. Seriously if you love her like you say you do and truely want to adopt her out of love that shouldn't even be thought.

 I never said it was an issue. If you'll kindly go back and reread I asked if anyone has had issues with it because I WAS WONDERING! My love her was and never will be a question and I don't appreciate your comment. Frankly I feel like it was rude. I do love her more than anything but I don't have to defend myself to you or any one about that aspect. Thank you. And have a nice night. :)

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:19 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting rfarmer20:



 I never said it was an issue. If you'll kindly go back and reread I asked if anyone has had issues with it because I WAS WONDERING! My love her was and never will be a question and I don't appreciate your comment. Frankly I feel like it was rude. I do love her more than anything but I don't have to defend myself to you or any one about that aspect. Thank you. And have a nice night. :)

Some of us don't appreciate people asking about how a child's appearance affects feelings. 

My kids look just like their father - a man who isn't around, a man who was an abuser, a man who picked a woman over his kids before finally disappearing. I still love them. 

My husband does as well. Even though they don't look anything like me. It was rude to ask that as it is rude for anyone to ask that.

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