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Household Order

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:27 PM
  • 174 Replies
Hi all! In church yesterday, our Pastor was talking about marriage and family. He talked about how wives should honor their husbands and husbands should love their wives as Christ loves his church. He said that as a married couple we need to place God before each other, and our marriage before our children. What do you think? What are your views of this and blended families?
by on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:30 PM
3 moms liked this
This is going to be a touchy subject. I feel you have to find a balance between kids and marriage.
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:34 PM
I think people often misinterpret "putting the marriage before the kids."
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:36 PM
Bump, because I'm interested in reading the replies. I can't answer yet because I'm at work and need to think about this one!!
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:38 PM
3 moms liked this

I think in a stepfamily, that's not necessarily the case. If you accidentally marry someone who is not good to your children, you should put your children first and let that marriage go.

Here's another example: Let's say a father marries a wife who wants to move to another state for some reason. She says if he doesn't come with her, she's leaving him. He should stay where his children are and let his wife leave him. That would be an example of putting his children before his marriage. I think his obligation as a father comes before his obligation as a husband.

HalfDozenKids06
by on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:40 PM

So do I. I put my relationship before my kids FOR my kids. If that makes sense! Our kids have been through enough. Last thing the need is to go through another divorce/lose people they love. So I strive a little harder to keep my relationship happy and healthy at all times.

Quoting KnowItAll: I think people often misinterpret "putting the marriage before the kids."


PreteenStepMom
by on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:40 PM
8 moms liked this

I think at the end of the day, you want to do the best to raise your kids (whether they are yours biologically or not), but your marriage should come first.  You raise good people with good life skills so they can go on and create families of their own. When your kids leave the nest the person you are left with is your spouse. If you spent your life putting your marriage on the backburner you will find your marriage could be broken or you could have grown apart. I see too many parents make this mistake. They make it all about the kids so much to the point that they have sacrificed their own marriage. Which again at the end of the day, will be heartbreaking for the kids to see their parents not happy and possibly even split up. Just my two cents.


Also, just because you put your marriage first, doesn't mean you love your children any less or that you selfishly put your needs above your children's first. However, a happy marriage leads to a happy home and a happy home leads to healthy well-rounded children (I know this is a broad generalization, but for the most part its true).  So marriage first, children second.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think there should be any competition, the couple, as adults, are responsible for the minor children. The children can be taken care of and the marriage as well. I think the view is dependent on they type of blended family.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:46 PM

This is something I see childless people say a lot. As a mother, I don't expect my children to ever leave me. They may live in a different place but I intend to have a strong relationship with them forever.

It is very rare that one has to actually choose between their spouse and their children. Generally they can find a happy medium for each situation.  But the relationship that means the most to me, is the one with my children.

Quoting PreteenStepMom:

I think at the end of the day, you want to do the best to raise your kids (whether they are yours biologically or not), but your marriage should come first.  You raise good people with good life skills so they can go on and create families of their own. When your kids leave the nest the person you are left with is your spouse. If you spent your life putting your marriage on the backburner you will find your marriage could be broken or you could have grown apart. I see too many parents make this mistake. They make it all about the kids so much to the point that they have sacrificed their own marriage. Which again at the end of the day, will be heartbreaking for the kids to see their parents not happy and possibly even split up. Just my two cents.

Also, just because you put your marriage first, doesn't mean you love your children any less or that you selfishly put your needs above your children's first. However, a happy marriage leads to a happy home and a happy home leads to healthy well-rounded children (I know this is a broad generalization, but for the most part its true).  So marriage first, children second.


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:46 PM
3 moms liked this
What do I think? I am agnostic so I don't share in the belief. Generally speaking - my husband comes first. But as a mom, my kids also come first. How do I achieve this? I have no idea. If I had to choose between saving my husband or saving my kids - I would save my kids. If I had to choose between a night out with my dh or a night watching a dance recital - I would choose the dance recital BUT would make sure to set aside a different night for my husband. If it's after 9pm, my husband comes first. My kids will be in bed to allow us our adult time. If they are sick or something else is going on, they will come first. When they are grown, my husband will come first always. Or so I hope. When they are grown, I imagine that is when we will have more time to dedicate to us but I do make sure that we have that time now so that there is an 'us' after they are grown.
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Mommy4000
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 12:50 PM

God has a place in my life and in my heart, but there's no need to put him before my husband and children. My marriage comes second to our children, but that's not to say we would allow our marriage to fail, because that's also not putting our children's needs first. I don't see having a blended family coming into play here, at least it doesn't factor in for us.

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