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if you had a 15yo DD, and she was having text communication with an adult, would you want to know?

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 9:54 PM
  • 91 Replies
5 moms liked this

So my SD14-about-to-turn-15's friend contacted my Dh via text. Wanted to know if she could plan a surprise party for SD at our house. DH told her sure, we have a great finished basement, we will help you out as much as possible. No prob.

My FIRST thougth was, contact this girl's mother. DH said why? that's not necessary.

I said no 15yo girl should be talking to a 50ishyou man, without her mother knowing. Not because of pedophile reasons... just because parents should know who their kids are talking to.

Long story short -- it turns out that this "friend" really wanted to have a banger (party with uncontrolled guests, alcohol, etc) at our house, using SD's birthday as an excuse.

SD found out about it at school, when one of the 200 or so "guests" spilled the beans. I told DH, this is why you should have immediately contacted the mother (or father).

He doesnt' get it.

 What do you think? If a 15yo friend of your DD/SD texted you or your DH, would you reach out to her parents to make sure they knew what was going on?


by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 9:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 9:58 PM
6 moms liked this

 Yup.  I reach out for sleep-overs and hanging out still. Just to make sure we are all on the same page. LOL ;)

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 10:02 PM
5 moms liked this

right?? how hard is that?

Text to the mother (or father): "hey, this is DH, just letting you know that your daughter texted me asking me if it would be ok to have a party here on April 12, for my DD's birthday. Just want to let you know that I gave permission and that I will be overseeing the party."

Done!

Then when it becomes obvious the girl had "other ideas', the parents know.

Quoting Silent_Sea:

 Yup.  I reach out for sleep-overs and hanging out still. Just to make sure we are all on the same page. LOL ;)


Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 10:07 PM

It would depend on if I knew the kids and parents, but yes in most cases.

Sevendayshappy
by Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 10:08 PM
1 mom liked this

I would call the parents immediately....that would feel odd to me a 15 year old texting my husband as well...

unreal men just don't get it..they really don't...

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 10:35 PM
5 moms liked this

dear god.....ok...if sd12's friends called one of us up wanting to do a party-we would have told the child's parents-and the parents of the guests as well....this is how dh and I were raised-if you're having a party in your house-you're responsible for those guests!!

So-yeah if a bunch of teenyboppers thought they were gonna kick it in my basement-damn right I'd have their parents in the loop!

PreteenStepMom
by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 10:54 PM
1 mom liked this

A sM friend of mine had a similar thing happen with her SS. She got the text from one of his friends (I personally Found that weird....) regardless they said yes to the "small party" no questions asked. SM and adhere went out to dinner and the party happened. It wasn't small. When they walked in the basement there were lines of coke on the pool tables, girls on their knees in the bathrooms giving BJs with a line of boys out the door "waiting their turn" and the SS sitting in the corner drinking vodka and sitting in a cloud of pot smoke. He is 17. True story. Happened 4 months ago. Now the SS is dealing weed out of their own house.  Moral of the story to me, and I think the SM is a)don't try to be all buddy buddy with the SS's friends in that parents should talk to parents about these things. Not to mention it should have been her SS's dad to have these discussions and 2) teenagers left unsupervised will do some crazy shit. 

100problems-1
by Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 10:56 PM
I would. My DH, like yours, would be oblivious.
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 6:45 AM

I would have made sure the girl knew we would be there and introduce myself to the girl's mom.

Leigh84
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 6:50 AM
I would reach out to her parents. If it were my child I would hope the parents would contact me as well.
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 6:51 AM
1 mom liked this

The girl knew we'd be here. DH told her in the initial text exchange that she could have up to 20 guests, and no alcohol, and that we would both be home.  The girl said that was fine.

She later asked DH if she could have it outside in the back yard instead of in the basement. *That's* when we became suspicious. But this was days after the initial texts.

I think we (our generation of parents) are just not as supervisory as the previous generation. We just let the kids do their thing, we don't watch as closely as we should.  The parents of this girl should have been contacted. So that when things escalated, they would know what their daughter was up to. If the girl knew that her parents knew about the party, maybe she would not have attempted it.  I feel like in general, there should have been more parental oversight. But her parents couldn't oversee, if they didn't know about it. Parents need to talk to each other.

Quoting chanizen:

I would have made sure the girl knew we would be there and introduce myself to the girl's mom.


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