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my step kids

Posted by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:07 AM
  • 41 Replies
Ok I have told my step kids they don't have to call me mom but they do on their on. Should I be mad or let it slide? I don't mind but I don't want real mom to be mad at me but I never told them to call me mom. They started it all by them self's...
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:07 AM
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progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 4:55 AM
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Do you have kids? How would you feel if they were calling someone else mom?

How old are your stepkids? How often do you see them? I don't think you need to be mad at them, but I would tell them that you don't feel comfortable being called mom. Let them know that you love them and appreciate that they are accepting of you, but you think they should leave the 'mom' title to their actual mother.

You could always have them come up with a special name to call you.
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 6:31 AM
1 mom liked this

Myself, I would tell them to callme something else, please because I want to respect their mom.  Maybe when they are older.

Idk, my ss went through this for about a week.  He is ODD though so I said "stop" once and then just didn't respond to it and he stopped. In addition to mom not appreciating it, in his particular case, I felt it WOULDbe damaging to him.  He has a hard time with attachment and it is really important that nothing threatens the attachment with his parents. 

RitaTequila531
by HushBreatheRelax on Apr. 11, 2014 at 6:38 AM
2 moms liked this
I would never let anyone but my bio kids call me Mom.

lilmoosesmom
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 6:42 AM
3 moms liked this
If they are choosing to call you mom. Don't stop them. It's a choice that they are making. At least IMO. I grew up with two step different step fathers. One I was forced to call Dad to his face and Hated. The other to this day I still call Dad even though my mother and him divorced almost 8 years ago.
ladytweet
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 6:53 AM
1 mom liked this

you should tell them now it is not ok .... df is amazing with dd but we make it clear to not let her call him daddy and i would be upset if i herd my dd call her father's gf mom ..... i agree you can come up with your own nick name which could be fun for them dd calls df panther she thinks its cute, "how would i feel " is always the best way to look at it ..... 

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 7:20 AM
1 mom liked this
It's not okay. Is your DH/SO okay with them calling another man dad? If you have any thought that BM would be hurt by it, then you know it is not okay, so why are you allowing it to continue? How would you feel for your own children to call another woman mom?

This is such a ridiculous issue. Yes, it is great that you are that special to them. However, that is no reason to take away their mother's name! In essence, that is what you are doing. If his first wife was Jen and your husband loves you so damn much that he decided to marry you, does that mean he decides to call you Jen??? No! And you would think he was a psycho if he tried!

These kids love you and respect you. They are used to the female in the house having a respected title - mom or mrs. Mrs is too formal, obviously. Mom is taken. Find something else.

Sit down and talk to them. Come up with something together. Let them know that you like that they think of you as mom- like, but that very special title can only be held by one person in their lives. You, however, can also have a title that will be held by only one very special person in their lives.
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 7:24 AM
2 moms liked this

Kids call you whatever you encourage them to call you. If they call you mom, it's because you encourage it, or did at one time. If you didn't answer to "mom", they'd stop calling you mom. If your DH refers to you as "your name" when he's talking about you, then they will call you that name.

I don't believe there is such a thing as the kids calling you mom all on their own.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 7:57 AM
1 mom liked this

will it be okay for your own children to call others "Mom"? if not then why let another woman's children call you MOm?

cirsty_l
by New Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 8:10 AM

my SD calls me mum and calls her Step dad Dad. Its a bit weird but its what she wants. Neither hubby or her bio mum cares that she does

Sevendayshappy
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 8:34 AM
1 mom liked this

How old are these kids???...and like the other poster said how did you handle this from the start and is there mom actively involved....

at the end of the day you can't change the fact that you are their step mom...you are not their mom...not to hurt you just the fact of DNA....my DH and I had the Agreement when we got married that my step son would call me by my first name and his mom is very involved in his life....we now have a child of our own and I still would never want him to call me his mom he has referred to me as his step mom...and that was his truth...and that was ok..but for the most part he calls me my name and that's what his mom feels comfortable with...you can't change that bond and I would never want to for his sake or try to...seems odd over a name but to kids it can be a big deal if encouraged or forced...hope that helps

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