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Can we lose custody?

Posted by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:31 PM
  • 69 Replies
Dh's ex joined the military a yr ago. We have sole physical custody. She doesnt pay child support, still claims one of the kids on her taxes and doesnt ever call or write( shes not on deployment. She lives on base in virginia) her father texted my husband about a month ago and asked if he could take the girls to see her graduate at the end of april. he said fine as long as nothing comes up between now and then. They have went to see her twice since she left and his ex came down for christmas.

Youngest sd is in baton, we just got word her recital is the same time as when they would be gone. Shes worked so hard these past 3 months. I hate for her to miss it. She is SO excited about it! Plus we got report cards 2 weeks ago and she's wwwaaayyy behind(we have already had 2 parent teacher conferences about this) so dh told ex fsther in law that it would be best if they didnt go. Ex will be home for 2 weeks after she graduates and can see them then. Ex fil hits the roof and texts bsck "watch and see" then starts harrassing dh all day with threats and even showed up at our house!!!!! Dh went to the sherriff office but was told he cant press charges against him about harrassment through text so dh gets his number changed.
He texts his nee number to ex and she hits the roof saying he csnt keep her father from the gorls blah blah. She calls dh cussing and acting a fool. I had had enough and grab the phone and say "shutup u stupid b****" and hung up. I shouldnt have said it but i had my fill of her and her dad blowing up dh's phone for 3 days and basically talking to him like dirt.
She continues the next day to text dh about me and sayinh shes taking the kids so i texted her myself. Im the type if u have something to say then say it to me, not someone else. We sorta get into it but i eventually just let it go.
So now shes saying when she gets home, be prepared to go to court and lose custody. Shes in the army. Shes a single parent and like i said doesnt pay child support, hasnt sent anythinh for the girls besides an army shirt, which i assume is probably free to her. They call her almost daily and she never answers but had plenty of time to text and call dh and myself to argue.
Can she do anything? I am a stay at home mom, we are surrounded by family, the kids are cery well tsken care of. We have never prevented a relationship between the girls and their mom but their life and activities do not stop just to convience her. Her graduating is HER accomplishment. My sd having her shining moment on stage showing all her hard work is HER accomplishment and with her being behind in school she doesnt need to miss even a day(they wouldve been gone 3 weekdays plus the weekend)Plus the ex will be home the next week.
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:38 PM
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1. Stsy out of it. Cearly NOTHING you did mad the situation better.

2. She can file for custody, but she has to prove either contrmpt of court that would warrant a change in custody or a significant change in circumstances that would warrant a change in custody. More likely she'd get some type of visitation.

3. I would stop letting ex fil take the kids if he's going to threaten and harass when he doesn't get his way. I'd tell him he needs to behave properly and safely or he cannot have unsupervised visits with the chuldren.
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:41 PM

Well if BM has been in basic and then AIT or whatever, it would be very difficult for her to do visits or even make/answer many phone calls.  I think it would be difficult for her to get custodial/residential given her career.

That said, graduation is a big deal.  I think that it's more important than a recital.  If it were another sibling graduating from say highschool, would you feel the same? That baton trumps it?  Or do you only feel that way because it's BM?

I think you guys should go to graduation.

If she's having trouble in school, she's been having trouble in school without missing days and that's something you guys need to work on.  I don't see why she'd have to be gone 5 days to go to a graduation.  You can fly into Reagan, BWI or Dulles from most airports on a direct flight rather inexpensively. Send DH and SDs.  Ask exFIL to help with the expense if it's not in the budget.  I think that the kids should be there to see their mom. 

And FWIW, I'm a SM with no kids of my own.  This is not a BM based response.

....ClvrScn.
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Stay out of it!

I know it is hard! I have lost my shit on BM too. I have to learn to ignore her when she starts trying to instigate an argument. I have for the most part!

Seriously - that is all you can do to make the situation better - Stay out of it !!

I doubt she will get custody, but she'll probably get visitation

FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:42 PM
My opinion is if she is way behind in school both the trip and baton goes. School should be a priority.
....ClvrScn.
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:43 PM
4 moms liked this

Why should the little girl miss her recital, for her mother that hasn't bothered with her?

I understand that being in the military it would be difficult - but NOT IMPOSSIBLE to communicate with civilians

Quoting Birdseed:

Well if BM has been in basic and then AIT or whatever, it would be very difficult for her to do visits or even make/answer many phone calls.  I think it would be difficult for her to get custodial/residential given her career.

That said, graduation is a big deal.  I think that it's more important than a recital.  If it were another sibling graduating from say highschool, would you feel the same? That baton trumps it?  Or do you only feel that way because it's BM?

I think you guys should go to graduation.

If she's having trouble in school, she's been having trouble in school without missing days and that's something you guys need to work on.  I don't see why she'd have to be gone 5 days to go to a graduation.  You can fly into Reagan, BWI or Dulles from most airports on a direct flight rather inexpensively. Send DH and SDs.  Ask exFIL to help with the expense if it's not in the budget.  I think that the kids should be there to see their mom. 

And FWIW, I'm a SM with no kids of my own.  This is not a BM based response.


SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:44 PM

Personally, I don't think she can. She may however try to do something regarding the girls grades...since she is still being allowed to participate in ecs. What is SDs incentive to get her grades up?

I would just keep track of the girls attempts to call and their interactions with the 'fil' (who is this...fil means father of her spouse).

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:45 PM

The comparison won't be between you and Mom. It will be between Mom and Dad. I don't know how  a judge will view Dad's refusal to let the kids go to Mom's graduation.

Quoting mandalou86:Can she do anything? I am a stay at home mom, we are surrounded by family, the kids are cery well tsken care of. We have never prevented a relationship between the girls and their mom but their life and activities do not stop just to convience her. Her graduating is HER accomplishment. My sd having her shining moment on stage showing all her hard work is HER accomplishment and with her being behind in school she doesnt need to miss even a day(they wouldve been gone 3 weekdays plus the weekend)Plus the ex will be home the next week.


mandalou86
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:45 PM
My lesson is learned. I know my behavior didnt make things better. But i think alot of us have that "if i could be alone with her for 5 min...." Attitude towards dhs ex because we have to deal with a lot of crap. My hatred towards her is never projects onto the kids. I quit my job to be with them when she decided to up ans join the military(after she had ran off with an escaped prisoner) i do everything for them, school functions, after school activities, dentist, dr, etc. they are treated just like my own and she continues to act like she has more say so over them as dh. Its irritating, but I know I was in the wrong for my behavior.
Leigh84
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:50 PM
I don't think she can get custody changed based off your post. I will say that you fueled the drama. Stay out of it. She's not your problem. You didn't choose to have kids w/her, your DH did so let him deal w/her.
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:53 PM

1. He is not going to lose custody over what you posted above.

2. Stay out of it. I don't think I've ever grabbed the phone away from anyone, much less cussed someone out who wasn't even talking to me...it is just not polite. Let your husband deal with her and avoid interacting with her at all

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