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Update: SD LIED? For what purpose?? My 10 Year old SD told me she had sex with 7 year old boy at BMs house!

Posted by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 7:31 PM
  • 53 Replies

((Sorry, I had to delete the whole thing cause it was just to long))

Updated:

DH and I talked to BM and BM and BD took SD to the ER to have them look at her. ((It was on BMs time, she asked dh if he'd take her the rest of spring break because she couldn't handle her, We got her on wednsday, took her home early saturday morning to do this.))

Long story short, the doctors did NOTHING! They took my SD into a room alone to talk with her. After talking with her maybe an hour they came out with nothing. ((She has a history of "Not Talking" when it comes to counclers or other adults))

They said that because she wouldn't tell them anything they didn't think that it warrented them to "Examin" her.... They told them that this child is confused and that she does not in their opinion does not know what sex really is and there for may have said they had sex but it was not real sex because she doesn't know what it really is. Thats how this girl is, she lies to cover up the truth. The below statement will show otherwise that she does in fact know what sex is and how to preform it.

I'll tell ya, my SD has seen porn video's. She's seen people having sex. BM had it on her tv, never put a block on the channels, so SD was watching it while BM was sleeping. She has also gone onto her grandmothers ((Gm's home, BM, SD, BMs DS, BMs BFriend live at the gms house)) computer and was caught looking at porn, watched it also on BMs computer, BMs long time friend who has kids younger than SD told their mom that SD was showing them sex stuff on a IPad that had access to the internet. BMs friend does not allow SD at her home any more and does not allow SD to be around her kids because of it.

Our house on the other hand, the computer I had for SD was an older ((2000)) with only 20gb HD and only 256Ram so very slow. Enough for a child to play a few games on. I allowed her to have the internet on it for some kids sites for games ie: kizi.com or that one I can't think of at the moment where IRL you get a stuffed animal with a code you go online with and have a virtual pet to care for. The computer I had equiped with parental controls like any parent would that did not allow sites like porn or the like to come up. I also had a "Key Logger" on the computer to keep track of what she was "Typing". Thats how I found out she was searching for sex and how to have a baby, how to have sex, ect. She could not actually "Search" that stuff cause of the parental locks, but because of the key logger it showed me exactly what she was trying to look up. It was then that we found out from BM that she'd been doing all that over there and actaully seeing it. BM hid it from BD and I until we had proof what SD was doing. BM said she was getting SD help, but sense that happened its gotten worse.

Through past experiances my SD lies to anyone who asks her what really happened. I've not known her to be able to tell the truth on anything.

((((Also BM called the boys father while we were there, he talked to his son and he said he didn't know why he was being asked all that, He had no idea what was going on. So from what the boys father said, nothing could of happened in any way sexual because the little boy had no idea. So I am thankful that nothing really did happen. The PROBLEM now to address is WHY this girl would LIE and say they had sex?? Why would she of said that? Only answer I have is that this child is acting out for her mothers attention and everything else has failed to do so. I dont really know... But i'm confused as to why she'd say they had sex when it never did happen? What would her saying that accomplish? The fact that her really having sex could bring down on her and others if the athorities or cps, ect got involved could have serious actions. If she's LYING and people believe her could pose serious problems for everyone involved... over a lie. Boggles the mind!))))

But the hospital recomended her to another councler, whom she's got to go see when an apt gets made.

We'll go from there on what happens. But with as many therapists this child has seen, none of them have been able to get out of her "WHY" she does what she does. I will let BD and BM know the possibility that it could if fact be a mental problem/imbalance. This girl is already on 2 different types of ADHD medications. ((BM pushed on the doc's that she was ADHD because BM herself is, But BD is bipolar.)) The doctors are just going by what "BM Tells Them" how she is. But there is much more going on with her than just adhd in my opinion. So if BM does not take her to a doctor to get evaluated to see if there is something more mentally wrong then DH and I have decided to get her a new doctor and tell them the whole truth, and not hide what BM is clearly hiding about all the sexual stuff. ((We went to an apt with the adhd doc awhile back. Told him about the extra sexual behavior, he wanted us to try a new medication, it was a trial one week prescrip. We had my SD for a week durring the summer at the time. It seemed to help... But when we told BM about it, BM said that it did not help one bit and took her off them faster than she was put on it. ((BMs always been a control freak and if its not her idea she makes damn sure it doesn't work, even at the expense of the wellbeing of this child))

Anyways, Thanks for all the replies. I will do some more research and be in contact with a few people on this matter. I hope something works soon, for this childs sake.

Thank you all "CafeMoms" who took the time to read the long post I left and took the time to reply to it and give good advice.

by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 7:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mamatink7
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 7:42 PM

WOW

think BM should not have custody, since she has known this is happening but not doing anything that is helping the situation. perhaps taking her to dr after speaking to dr by your selves then have them examine her too.

im at a loss with this one (hoping not a troll post but this is really tragic to read)

Boobear110
by Audra on Apr. 11, 2014 at 7:46 PM
7 moms liked this

It needs to be reported. To the police . To CPS. To anyone that will take this seriously. If she did do such a thing the parents of the 7 year old need to be notified. 

This is not something that I would sit on. She needs to be seen by Dr. Bring her to the ER if need be. She need to be evaluated by professionals. 

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 8:19 PM
3 moms liked this
Why has CPS not been called yet? That would be my starting point. I can't imagine why the school hasn't called. Call...now..like, right now as you read this!

Do you have children? If yes, do not seek custody. Do not change this child's school - it would only give her a new group of children to prey upon.

TigaHotty85
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 8:24 PM

 Unsure what a "Troll" post is? But this isnt' one. Its actually happened and I am so upset I am almost phisically sick every time I think about it. BM should not have custody. But even before when my DH would try to take her to court on something to get her taken from BMs home, BM would just lie and the judge would beleive her. Even if we had proof they would take her word for it because she's the "MOTHER". They favor the mother here in michigan and dont give a crap about the dads.

All BM can say is she doesn't know what to do. Dozens of times she's had the school or us call CPS on her for one thing or another. But yet they find nothing to say the home is bad or that she is unfit. Even CPS and the school requires her to seek councling and she obides by it and with every councler they find nothing. I think that BM has trained SD so well that she will lie so her mom dont get into trouble. Or the fact that SD does not want to have us have custody because we have rules and teach her right from wrong and conciquences if she does something wrong. But yet at BMs house she doesn't know how to deal with anything with her anymore, even said so to us... So she just lets SD do whatever the hell she wants to just so she dont have to deal with it.

I will be discussing this with my DH and have him talk with BM one more time about willingly giving her to us. If not we plan to file paperwork with the friend of the court to take her in front of the judge. But problem being is that I dont know if it will work. There is no proof that this happened. Just what my SD said and what BM can account for from what SD told her because no one saw anything because no one was there when it happened. With having nothing to back any of it up they could come after us for harrassment or something.

Thats why its hard to know what to do because it never fails, they always find BM has done nothing wrong and leave SD in her care. The only thing I can think of is that the only way they will take it seriouslly if SD is no longer a virgin which is proof of sexual activity, or if she gets pregnant. But by then, the damage has already been done.....

Quoting mamatink7:

WOW

think BM should not have custody, since she has known this is happening but not doing anything that is helping the situation. perhaps taking her to dr after speaking to dr by your selves then have them examine her too.

im at a loss with this one (hoping not a troll post but this is really tragic to read)

 

TigaHotty85
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 8:34 PM

 The school has called CPS, CPS finds no proof or any indecation that anythings wrong. She does everything that CPS requires her to do and in the end she's a damn good liar. I do have a child, my son who is 2 1/2 years old. I'm afraid for her to be around him. I had noticed about a year ago where she was "Looking at his private area" weirdly and I had for awhile had to lock my sons door to make sure she did not go in there in the middle of the night because I didn't want her to touch him in the wrong way and tramatize him that will mess him up the rest of his life. I got over that when nothings been going on and i've stopped locking his door at night. But now after this I dont know what to do. Its spring break right now and BMs parenting time per CO says she has her for both weekends and the week. She called on monday wanting us to take her cause she couldn't deal with her, DH agreed to take her wensday thru sunday before she goes back to school. But I agree with you on not changing her school because i'd fear she'd start the same thing and have it happen and then it would be our fault. Our only choice would be to homeschool her for awhile. But BM wont let us have her!

BM doesn't tell the parents of SD's friends when things like this happen. One time SD was at a friends house and SD created a pogo account and was talking about sex to guys on there and also looking up sex stuff there and showing her friend. BM said she was scared to tell the childs father what happened... so NEVER told him! There is no telling if she even told the little boys parents. Its just so shocking we are unsure where to go from here. With no proof of what really happened and it happened over at her home, its a he said she said thing. They will end up finding nothing and nothing will change and this will just get worse. Thats how its always happened. Plus if we call CPS she turns them on us and lies to them saying whatever she has to to get them not looking at her and looking at us. The last thing I need is my SON to get in the middle and end up with the courts if they take SD into custody end up taking my son as well. This woman is crazy and minipulates the system and gets away with everything... So dunno how to proceed...

Quoting HopesNDreams: Why has CPS not been called yet? That would be my starting point. I can't imagine why the school hasn't called. Call...now..like, right now as you read this! Do you have children? If yes, do not seek custody. Do not change this child's school - it would only give her a new group of children to prey upon.

 

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 8:39 PM
Keep his door locked. Do not ever, EVER leave them alone. Do not get custody.

If BM is hiding everything and not willing to work with you, there's not much you can do besides protect your own family.


Quoting TigaHotty85:

 The school has called CPS, CPS finds no proof or any indecation that anythings wrong. She does everything that CPS requires her to do and in the end she's a damn good liar. I do have a child, my son who is 2 1/2 years old. I'm afraid for her to be around him. I had noticed about a year ago where she was "Looking at his private area" weirdly and I had for awhile had to lock my sons door to make sure she did not go in there in the middle of the night because I didn't want her to touch him in the wrong way and tramatize him that will mess him up the rest of his life. I got over that when nothings been going on and i've stopped locking his door at night. But now after this I dont know what to do. Its spring break right now and BMs parenting time per CO says she has her for both weekends and the week. She called on monday wanting us to take her cause she couldn't deal with her, DH agreed to take her wensday thru sunday before she goes back to school. But I agree with you on not changing her school because i'd fear she'd start the same thing and have it happen and then it would be our fault. Our only choice would be to homeschool her for awhile. But BM wont let us have her!


BM doesn't tell the parents of SD's friends when things like this happen. One time SD was at a friends house and SD created a pogo account and was talking about sex to guys on there and also looking up sex stuff there and showing her friend. BM said she was scared to tell the childs father what happened... so NEVER told him! There is no telling if she even told the little boys parents. Its just so shocking we are unsure where to go from here. With no proof of what really happened and it happened over at her home, its a he said she said thing. They will end up finding nothing and nothing will change and this will just get worse. Thats how its always happened. Plus if we call CPS she turns them on us and lies to them saying whatever she has to to get them not looking at her and looking at us. The last thing I need is my SON to get in the middle and end up with the courts if they take SD into custody end up taking my son as well. This woman is crazy and minipulates the system and gets away with everything... So dunno how to proceed...


Quoting HopesNDreams: Why has CPS not been called yet? That would be my starting point. I can't imagine why the school hasn't called. Call...now..like, right now as you read this! Do you have children? If yes, do not seek custody. Do not change this child's school - it would only give her a new group of children to prey upon.

 

Boobear110
by Audra on Apr. 11, 2014 at 8:45 PM
1 mom liked this

This is so sad. Tragic really. 


Quoting HopesNDreams: Keep his door locked. Do not ever, EVER leave them alone. Do not get custody. If BM is hiding everything and not willing to work with you, there's not much you can do besides protect your own family.
Quoting TigaHotty85:

 The school has called CPS, CPS finds no proof or any indecation that anythings wrong. She does everything that CPS requires her to do and in the end she's a damn good liar. I do have a child, my son who is 2 1/2 years old. I'm afraid for her to be around him. I had noticed about a year ago where she was "Looking at his private area" weirdly and I had for awhile had to lock my sons door to make sure she did not go in there in the middle of the night because I didn't want her to touch him in the wrong way and tramatize him that will mess him up the rest of his life. I got over that when nothings been going on and i've stopped locking his door at night. But now after this I dont know what to do. Its spring break right now and BMs parenting time per CO says she has her for both weekends and the week. She called on monday wanting us to take her cause she couldn't deal with her, DH agreed to take her wensday thru sunday before she goes back to school. But I agree with you on not changing her school because i'd fear she'd start the same thing and have it happen and then it would be our fault. Our only choice would be to homeschool her for awhile. But BM wont let us have her!

BM doesn't tell the parents of SD's friends when things like this happen. One time SD was at a friends house and SD created a pogo account and was talking about sex to guys on there and also looking up sex stuff there and showing her friend. BM said she was scared to tell the childs father what happened... so NEVER told him! There is no telling if she even told the little boys parents. Its just so shocking we are unsure where to go from here. With no proof of what really happened and it happened over at her home, its a he said she said thing. They will end up finding nothing and nothing will change and this will just get worse. Thats how its always happened. Plus if we call CPS she turns them on us and lies to them saying whatever she has to to get them not looking at her and looking at us. The last thing I need is my SON to get in the middle and end up with the courts if they take SD into custody end up taking my son as well. This woman is crazy and minipulates the system and gets away with everything... So dunno how to proceed...

Quoting HopesNDreams: Why has CPS not been called yet? That would be my starting point. I can't imagine why the school hasn't called. Call...now..like, right now as you read this! Do you have children? If yes, do not seek custody. Do not change this child's school - it would only give her a new group of children to prey upon.



RonansMommy02
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 8:55 PM

a) how does a 5 yr old even know the word sex, or what the word means?

b) this child needs to be in continued therapy ASAP

c) you or Dad should call CPS. They may not have found anything when the school called. That doesn't mean they won't find something now. Call them each and every time something as serious as this arises!

d) girls can break their hyman a number of ways. Pretty sure my hyman broke while riding my bike when I was 10. I don't think a Dr would be able to say for certain that pentration broke the hyman. And even if he could prove there was pentration, it doesn't mean she had sex. she could have simply been "exploring" her own body.

Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 8:58 PM
2 moms liked this
"Only when I caught her talking to a 30 year old man on pogo.com and asking him to have sex with her ((She asked him, messages from her to him prove she was the one that innitiated it but my SD lied and said he messaged her and started it, proof shows she was the one and lied to me. The man never responded back to her but when I talked to him he said he was confused and did not know she was a minor and never actually talked to her, she messaged him out of the blue...)) did we bring it up to her mom and then she told us what had been going on."

I do not understand this part of the post. You are saying you have PROOF that she is doing this and yet no one thinks there is a problem?

I know someone who has a daughter who has been masterbating since she was a toddler. Luckily, the family works at one of the best companies in the nation (Microsoft) where their medical plan allows for very progressive testing among other things. They got her testing and she has a disorder. She is now in occupational and cognitive plus a couple other types of therapies. She told her mom, "I just can't help myself mom." She is doing so much better but it took pretty skilled doctors and A LOT of testing.

She is pretty young to really understand sex. I am not saying it isn't possible but she's still young. If I was this child's mom I'd be flying her to the best mental health professionals.

If was stepmom, I'd be protecting my own if BM wasn't willing to face the reality and very real issues this child has. And, no, I wouldn't allow the child in my home unsupervised EVER.
TigaHotty85
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:40 PM

When I showed BM about it, she did blow up and yelled at her about it. The only thing however she did about it was ban her from the internet. BM blams the school and the kids for why she is doing it. SD herself says boys at school keep asking her for sex and she dont want to. But yet contredicts herself by looking it up and tryng to do it herself.

But me and my DH and also his family believe its because of BM's actions on why my SD is acting this way. Me and my DH have been together sense SD was 1 1/2 years old. We got married and have been married now for 8 years. BM on the other hand has had multiple boyfriends, cheats on current boyfriends with other men. The boyfriend she had which she got pregnant by and is the father to her now 5 year old son, she left him a few months ago and is now dating someone else and running around with him. My SD even tells me that she can "Hear" her mom having sex at night and is woke up by it because her mom is loud. I dont beleive that it has anything to do with the "Uncontrolable" I just do it and I dont know why with the girl you talk about. It leans more towards the things that go on at her BMs house. And also all the men she paraides around in front of her with no care of what it might do to her daughter. She see's this as its ok because her mom is running around with the boys and having sex, so she thinks she can too. We also had thoughts of that she could of been sexually abused. But when we took her to the doctor they found nothing to prove anything happened. We took her to a sexual councler the first time because BM didn't know what to do. ((Even BM has a history of herself being sexually abused by a family member when she was a young girl. but no charges were ever brought up because they didn't want it known what happened, they swept it under the rug so to speak... Sounds to me like thats what they want to do again with the next generation. Act like nothings wrong and hope for the best))

Every time she see's someone for councling for one sex thing or another, SD clams up and wont talk. So they find nothing and there for BM says that theres nothing she can do because they find nothing wrong with her.

I also looked up some information on kids her age who got charged with CSC and rape charges even as a minor. I have also noticed in the news I searched online where a few teachers were fired because kids between 2nd and 5th grade are having sex in classrooms and the teachers are not watching carefully enough and it happens. I told my SD and showed her paperwork I printed off the computer that it is a serious problem for her doing what she is doing and all it is doing is hurting herself and the other kids involved if she continues to do it. I told her months ago she could get into trouble if she were caught doing sexual stuff to someone else. This was even before she was trying to do it. But was just talking about it or researching how to do it. No amount of talking by me or my husband has done any good to get her to listen.

I guess the only thing that we can do is minimize her being here so she does not do anything to my son, or try to find any of the young boys who live around here. She will never be allowed to be alone with my son ever again, she can't be trusted. I myself actually take steps to "PREVENT" my SD from doing something wrong. BM from the recent problems, dont seem to understand and actually put her in the situation by letting her be alone with her little brother and her brothers friend. Its like she set her up to do something bad by not thinking. I also found out that before this problem, BM allowed SD to stay the night at the home where this 7 year old boy lives, along with his older brother because BM had to go somewhere and had no one else to watch her. My SD told me that the 7 year old boy and the older brother supposidly was telling her that they liiked her and wanted to have sex, but yet again didn't want to. Which had to of been a lie because when BM came to pick her up, SD said nothing to BM about it... and later BM let the 7 year old stay the night like nothing happened. SD even awhile back was talking about wanting to have a baby, and in part of looking up how to have sex, searched "How to have a baby". No one here is making her look that up or telling her to do it, she is doing it on her own. So to beleive that theses young boys are trying to make her do this, doesn't make sense when she wont tell her mom, nor tell her mom that she does not want them at her house.

I told my DH that we are no longer going to take my SD any more than what court order states. Unless BM gives up custody to us there isn't much we can do. I would go out of my way to homeschool her so she would not be around other kids to influence them. Then we as a family could work to help her and get her on the right track. But trying to do it where when she goes home a couple days later, goes right back to doing the same ol thing. Going back to school where she does the same ol thing. She's even gotten kicked off of the bus for days on end for "Changing" on the bus, swearing, and who knows all what. Just hard to try and help her when BM wont work with us, nor care to try and help. She's to worried about keeping this new boyfriend then to care for her daughter.

Quoting Silent_Sea: "Only when I caught her talking to a 30 year old man on pogo.com and asking him to have sex with her ((She asked him, messages from her to him prove she was the one that innitiated it but my SD lied and said he messaged her and started it, proof shows she was the one and lied to me. The man never responded back to her but when I talked to him he said he was confused and did not know she was a minor and never actually talked to her, she messaged him out of the blue...)) did we bring it up to her mom and then she told us what had been going on." I do not understand this part of the post. You are saying you have PROOF that she is doing this and yet no one thinks there is a problem? I know someone who has a daughter who has been masterbating since she was a toddler. Luckily, the family works at one of the best companies in the nation (Microsoft) where their medical plan allows for very progressive testing among other things. They got her testing and she has a disorder. She is now in occupational and cognitive plus a couple other types of therapies. She told her mom, "I just can't help myself mom." She is doing so much better but it took pretty skilled doctors and A LOT of testing. She is pretty young to really understand sex. I am not saying it isn't possible but she's still young. If I was this child's mom I'd be flying her to the best mental health professionals. If was stepmom, I'd be protecting my own if BM wasn't willing to face the reality and very real issues this child has. And, no, I wouldn't allow the child in my home unsupervised EVER.

 

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