i want to start by saying that my knees/legs have been hurting for two months. i have not seen a doc, cuz i dont have time.
last weekend, we threw a big b day party for ss11 and ds1. we now are broke, and the house was a mess.
yesterday, i went grocery shopping. SO spent two hours cleaning the house as i did so. he went back to work. it is spring break so the skids are here. while we are working. they are 13, 11 and 5. when i got home, the kids come out to help me bring in groceries.. and let me preface the next thing im going to say by saying, it was an accident, and i would have been mad whover had done this... but ss11 brought in two gallons of milk and dropped one on the floor SO had JUST mopped and carpet hed JUST vacuumed and it splattered ALL in the baby's toy box and on the wall on the opposite end of the fucking room. i.was.fuming. but, i knew it was an accident and he was just trying to help so i just got the broken milk jug and ran outside, and placed it on the driveway on its side. i went back in to asses the damage. at that moment, i needed to take a moment. you know, that moment you need to take so you dont scream, flail, strike anyone within arms reach and completely have a toddler melt down. so i went outside. only to find that ss5 had up ended the milk jug and now milk was all down my driveway. he had gone back inside. well, my neighbors probably had a good eyeful because i screamed a few obsenities. then i got the hose and started to spray the milk away and one foot slipped, and my knee made a HORRIBLE popping sound that hurt so fucking bad, it felt like it caved in backwards. more obsenities. i called SO and told him what happened. HE WAS PISSED at ss11. i told him to calm down as it was an accident but that i was also mad. he told me to make him clean it, but there was no way he could clean a mess of that magnitude. he then called the house phone and yelled at ss13 and 11. i know ss11 felt bad :( he came and tried to help. i assured him i was not mad at him and that it was an accident.
i then angrily posted on fb that i was super pissed. non specified. SO got mad at me for that. i told him that he was pissed too. (he got over it, he was more annoyed that i put any business out there than being mad about it)
meanwhile in horrible pain, i wiped down all the walls with lysol, re mopped, put away the groceries and finally i shampooed the carpet. i had to take the babys toy box outside and clean all his stuff too. thank god ds19 was home to watch the baby because i dont think i could have done it and clean all that stuff. SO came home and thankfully he had calmed down. he re shapooed the carpet.
i told SO that no way was i cooking anyhting and go get lil caesars. i proceeded to wash all the stanky, milky towels.
went to bed.
in the morning, i discovered that someone had opened the dryer then not turned it back on. i had to re wash teh whole load. i was a half hour late to work because i cant get around too good because my god damn leg hurts so bad.
i just want to run away from home. i dont feel like doing anything for anyone except the baby because he cant do for himself. i feel bad because SO works long hours and still helps me clean, but i hate cleaning so god damn bad, and it never ends with the sheer amount of kids in this damn house. they will help with what i ask, but they cant do a good enough job and i just have to re do it half the time. i need a cleaning lady but cant afford it. thinking of cleaning is starting to give me terrible anxiety. when i thought of the pile of laundry i have to fold when i get home, i cried on the way to work.
if youve made it this far thanks for reading. i just needed to vent.