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what can/should i do ?

Posted by on Apr. 15, 2014 at 5:03 PM
  • 12 Replies

i have read a lot of post from this group and see that a lot of you have gone trough some of this or some messed up stuff if not with your childs father but with bm .... 

so i live 3 hours away from my dd's father ... before i was driving the 6 hours there and back for he could see her for a few hours a day once a month ..... (why bc he doesn't have a car or ls) up until 5m ago we were kinda managing things ... but then he found out i was back with my ex ..... a man i haven't stopped loving in over 4 years, even tho we had been back together for over 9m he just didn't know bc it was none of his business. any way he went through the whole circus of taking me to court bc i guess he wanted to show his new gf i was this horrible person who kept his kid from him...... so we went, the judge damn near laughed he hasn't given me money for her nor really done anything i have taken care of her the whole time. he was given 1 day a month for 4-5 hours in the mall were he is to be the only one at the visits (the judge said his daughter needs his undivided attention and he should worry more about what she needs then his gf !! )  it has been 3 weeks since he saw her and not one call or text to ask how she is.... but he can play daddy to his gf's daughter . no i'm not jealous i'm hurt and as many cm's have pointed out i picked him !! yes i know and i feel bad ... but legally can i do anything ? he shows no interest in her. besides when he tells fb how much he misses her . i don't think its fair he can come and go so often ... advice ? tips? has anyone else have sim situations?

by on Apr. 15, 2014 at 5:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Pero3
by on Apr. 15, 2014 at 5:08 PM

I'm not quite sure what you are after. What are your expectations?

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Apr. 15, 2014 at 5:10 PM
2 moms liked this

 no, unfortunately you cant MAKE him be a father. sorry :(

ladytweet
by Member on Apr. 15, 2014 at 5:13 PM

honestly idk ! i mean he sat there and threaten me on fb for 3m and then he got what he wanted we went to court only thing was they did just what i told him they would do .. favored me !!! and he got less then he was getting before .... it just hurts idk i just want to know that i'm not the only one going through this that it's not my fault ... that maybe he will do right by our daughter .. 

Quoting Pero3:

I'm not quite sure what you are after. What are your expectations?


jules2boys
by Gold Member on Apr. 15, 2014 at 5:13 PM
1 mom liked this

You can/should make sure your dd is at the meeting place for his 1 day a month visit with his DD.  After that, do nothing.  Don't spend more time worrying about this.  Don't try to legally change anything.  Sometimes when someone shows this little interest, they'll eventually find an excuse here or there to stop even those short visits.  If he brings the GF, don't stress it.  If he chooses not to focus on his child, their relationship will show that soon enough.  You'll have wasted time and energy and money to try to stop something that may stop all on it's own soon enough.  While it's frustrating now, just let it be.  Let him dig his own hole. 

And, if he improves his situation in the mean time, well, so much the better for your DD!  Maybe he'll turn out to be a decent guy!  If not, she'll lose interest in the 1 afternoon a month visits too. 

Pero3
by on Apr. 15, 2014 at 5:23 PM

 Well, step one would be to defriend him on Facebook ... makes your life much easier.

Step two would be to stop worrying about his involvement with his girlfriend's daughter ... some parents (fathers and mothers) only seem to be able to parent if they have a "lead parent" who will do it for them. They go along, don't do much and just look stellar parenting material.

You are the only one who can determine how far you wish to go when it comes to not only facilitating, but also encouraging a relatiolnship between your child and her father. I'm the resident forum specialist when it comes to "bending over backwards until I can kiss not only BF's arse, but my own as well". Had I known back then what I know now ... I wouldn't have even worried about it. It would have saved me a lot of stress and heartache.

Quoting ladytweet:

honestly idk ! i mean he sat there and threaten me on fb for 3m and then he got what he wanted we went to court only thing was they did just what i told him they would do .. favored me !!! and he got less then he was getting before .... it just hurts idk i just want to know that i'm not the only one going through this that it's not my fault ... that maybe he will do right by our daughter .. 

 

 

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Apr. 15, 2014 at 8:17 PM
1 mom liked this
You dontvwant him to come and go or be an absent dad, but you fought for him to not be able to see her.

Make up your effing mind.

Quoting ladytweet:

honestly idk ! i mean he sat there and threaten me on fb for 3m and then he got what he wanted we went to court only thing was they did just what i told him they would do .. favored me !!! and he got less then he was getting before .... it just hurts idk i just want to know that i'm not the only one going through this that it's not my fault ... that maybe he will do right by our daughter .. 




Quoting Pero3:

I'm not quite sure what you are after. What are your expectations?

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 15, 2014 at 8:33 PM
I would follow the co. If bf chooses to visit dd In my town, I would allow it. If gf became more serious, she might be allowed to join him.
Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Apr. 15, 2014 at 11:26 PM

Do you have a CO for child support?   If not, get one.  Your child needs and deserves the money.   You will seethe with bitterness if you think he is giving his money to his GF's child and not to his own.   After you start getting the money, forget about him and move on.   Don't contact him to see his child.   That is his responsibility and his loss. 

Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2014 at 11:40 PM
1 mom liked this


She posted in another group complaining about the GF being at the visits. She wanted GF banned. I wouldn't doubt it if she was withholding visits if GF was present. I rarely say this, but she seems to be using her DD against this guy. She sounds young. She just needs to grow up

Quoting luckystars2012: You dontvwant him to come and go or be an absent dad, but you fought for him to not be able to see her. Make up your effing mind.
Quoting ladytweet:

honestly idk ! i mean he sat there and threaten me on fb for 3m and then he got what he wanted we went to court only thing was they did just what i told him they would do .. favored me !!! and he got less then he was getting before .... it just hurts idk i just want to know that i'm not the only one going through this that it's not my fault ... that maybe he will do right by our daughter .. 

Quoting Pero3:

I'm not quite sure what you are after. What are your expectations?



Oliviasmom72
by Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 3:13 PM

Nope. You cannot force him to be a Dad. He has such limited visits now. Not sure what you are wanting but if Dad wants to not be involved much that is his choice.

 

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