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Daycare situation for a 10YO. WWYD? (not my sitch)

Posted by on Apr. 16, 2014 at 7:27 PM
  • 31 Replies

In my friend's home state, there's actually a law that states that children under 12 may not be left home alone.  Turns out the that CP is leaving the child home alone on school breaks, inservices and what not.  With summer coming up, the daycare provider the NCP normally pays a majority of the cost for has informed the NCP that the CP advised that the child would not be in daycare over the summer and would actually be with the NCP.  Which is not the case.  It's a rotating schedule.  

This represents two issues:

1)  Child is being left home alone which is illegal and not really appropriate for child's maturity level. 

2)  Daycare provider wants to be paid at least a holding fee for the spot even if child won't be there in summer because during the school year, CP relies on this provider to get the kiddo to school. 


My friend, also a SM, was asking what I thought should happen here.  I said I'd throw it out for discussion on the boards.

To me, the fact that NCP has been informed that the child is being left home alone and it's technically against the law means that Dad should probably consult an attorney because if he knows this is happening and does nothing, then he's legally accountable. Nevermind the fact that he is against the idea. 

Next, it doesn't seem right to me that NCP/Dad should be paying for childcare that isn't being used. 

Thoughts?

I can add details as needed.  Just trying to be brief...

by on Apr. 16, 2014 at 7:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 7:40 PM
I think that 10, dependig on the child, is not to o young to be left alone for, say, a trip to the store to pick up milk and bread but not all day while the parent is at work. That is a crazy long time!

If I were dad I would most certainly consult an attorney. Not even for the money issue, solely based on concern for my child.
Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 7:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Last year when I asked a question about my sd being left home alone every day after school at the age of 10, everyone here told me it was fine and that bm was well within her rights to  leave the 10 yr old home alone after school until she got home at 6:30.

Looking forward to the replys your post gets.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 8:30 PM

Neither of my boys at age 10 were willing/able/ready to stay home alone for the day by themselves.  That didn't happen until 12/13 for ODS16 and hasn't happened yet for YDS11.  An hour or two, yes, they'd both done that by 11 but not 10.  THEY weren't ready.  I asked them.  (sure would have been easier sometimes too).  Me?  I was babysitting other peoples children at age 11, even overnight by the time I was 12.  I could handle it (and I did).  My boys?  Nope.  (but then, I can remember coming home to an empty house in 1st grade (7/8) for a couple of hours too, an old house that creaked and moaned in certain weather... fun stuff! LOL so I was used to being on my own, as well as being an only child at that age too). 

I'd suggest BF/NCP contact his lawyer and ask what he can LEGALLY do to protect himself. If, like Dream said, his silence could be taken as approval (even though it wasn't the CP/BM who told BF of the plan, but the sitter who did), there may be proper channels he could take follow to make sure others (the courts?) knew he did NOT agree and had the childcare situation set up, as in previous years, and felt CP should use (and pay) for that as well.  That he feels the child isn't old/mature enough to stay home alone all those hours. 

NCP should also check to make sure there isn't a neighbor/friend who'll be watching the child too though.

As for the childcare.. .that seems standard to me (it is here anyway) that if the parent (CP or NCP) wants the childs spot held for them for a time, the sitter/center can request up to 50% of the normal daycare fees to hold the spot that they could otherwise fill with a fully paying child in that spot.  WHO should pay it may be in question since it's CP who will be taking the child out, but the center/sitter is well within their rights (IMO) to ask for the money to hold the spot.   (heck, YDSs sitter took a weeks vacation each yer that was paid, by us, those that used her services. This was in her contract that we signed.  Don't like it?  Find someone else... I paid it). 

Where does CP/child live?  Is this a rural area where it may be a state law but it's common practice for other children to be left home alone during the summers at this age?  I'm thinking, my boys, living in the suburbs, wouldn't do it, but they have some cousins who live in the farmlands of Montana.. wide open areas, very low crime, and it's common practice to leave the kids home, alone, even as young as 8, during the day, but the closest neighbors usually know the kids are home alone too, and the kids are taught young how to care for themselves and still take care of the farm/home, etc.  One cousin (girl) was cooking full meals by the time she was 10.  Her younger brother, by 10, was taking care of the chickens and goats they had, and riding the riding mower to mow the front grass and the horse pen while BM and BF were at work all day, along with the usual household chores.... it's just what is/was done then (both are out of HS now).  My kids?  Heck, ODS can barely work the microwave on his own! LOL (exaggeration, sort of)  He laughed with his cousin (18) that if he had to move out 'today', he'd move in with cousin, because cousin can cook! LOL  YDS11 is more self-sufficient than ODS16 for most things... sigh. 

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Apr. 16, 2014 at 10:06 PM

I have left my kids home alone at 10. My daughter has had a phone since that age for that reason. I have to work, I can't take off all the time she is sick and since she is sleeping most of the time I left her home with instructions and the phone. 

My son is almost 11 and I've left him alone when he was ill as well. Not "oh my gosh I'm going to die" sick, but ill.

If either kid is vomiting, has the flu, or has other serious issues with bodily fluids I stay. If either has, say, strep, it's off to work I go. I just call them throughout the day and they call me. 

I'd just stop paying the daycare instead of trying to force the issue. But I'm fine with kids staying home alone as long as I can be in touch with them.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 10:21 PM
I was probably one of the ones that said it was fine. My dd stayed home after school when she was 10. 1. My state does not have an age requirement for being left alone 2. My child was mature enough to handle being along. Some kids have to be latch key kids because parents have to work.

If it were illegal or unsafe because the child was not mature enough to handle a couple of hours alone, that would be a different story.

I'm betting my Ds won't be staying home alone at age 10. He's just a different child than she is.

Quoting Frustrated10:

Last year when I asked a question about my sd being left home alone every day after school at the age of 10, everyone here told me it was fine and that bm was well within her rights to  leave the 10 yr old home alone after school until she got home at 6:30.


Looking forward to the replys your post gets.

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OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 10:41 PM
What state is this? I think that is nuts. Both of my kids stayed home alone as young as 8 and 9 for a few hours. I have 2sks living here too so most of the time the kids are not by themselves. My youngest is 10
And she stayed home today with ds13, ss12, and sd14.

It depends on the child but my DS was always very independent and a homebody. I would leave him alone at age 8 if I was running to the store. He hated daycare, started just coming home on the bus at age 10.
CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Apr. 17, 2014 at 12:41 AM
my yss is the same. hes about to be 11 and is deff not mature enough to stay home alone. hes still very "young" for his age. hes scared of the dark and dolls for gosh sakes lol.
ps dd LOVES dolls , so he deff wouldn't stay alone at our home

Quoting momof2ex1: I was probably one of the ones that said it was fine. My dd stayed home after school when she was 10. 1. My state does not have an age requirement for being left alone 2. My child was mature enough to handle being along. Some kids have to be latch key kids because parents have to work.

If it were illegal or unsafe because the child was not mature enough to handle a couple of hours alone, that would be a different story.

I'm betting my Ds won't be staying home alone at age 10. He's just a different child than she is.

Quoting Frustrated10:

Last year when I asked a question about my sd being left home alone every day after school at the age of 10, everyone here told me it was fine and that bm was well within her rights to  leave the 10 yr old home alone after school until she got home at 6:30.


Looking forward to the replys your post gets.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 2:30 AM
1 mom liked this
DS is 11. We've been leaving him home alone for a few hours at a time for about a year. He's very mature for his age.

I don't think I'd be comfortable with him being alone all day 5 days a week though. That seems a bit much.

My state also has no age requirements, the laws say that it is up to the parents to determine.
Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 8:51 AM

 All I know is .....last summer when my sd was here, the smoke alarm went off while we were cooking. My SD went to answer the front door. She thought is was the doorbell. Obviously not ready to be left home alone for 4 hours every day. Rolling my eyes......

Quoting momof2ex1: I was probably one of the ones that said it was fine. My dd stayed home after school when she was 10. 1. My state does not have an age requirement for being left alone 2. My child was mature enough to handle being along. Some kids have to be latch key kids because parents have to work. If it were illegal or unsafe because the child was not mature enough to handle a couple of hours alone, that would be a different story. I'm betting my Ds won't be staying home alone at age 10. He's just a different child than she is.
Quoting Frustrated10:

Last year when I asked a question about my sd being left home alone every day after school at the age of 10, everyone here told me it was fine and that bm was well within her rights to  leave the 10 yr old home alone after school until she got home at 6:30.

Looking forward to the replys your post gets.

 

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 9:21 AM
I think a couple of hours after school for a responsible 10 year old or the occasional sick but parents can't get off work day is different than all day on a regular basis, though.

But, I know all kids are different and I was babysitting others at 11! And yes, when I was 10 and my brother was 6/7 I would get off the bus while my parents worked and then get him off the bus and we'd wait for or mom to get home.

I'm a worrier when it comes to my own though. Lol. And my older is not even 7!


Quoting momof2ex1: I was probably one of the ones that said it was fine. My dd stayed home after school when she was 10. 1. My state does not have an age requirement for being left alone 2. My child was mature enough to handle being along. Some kids have to be latch key kids because parents have to work.

If it were illegal or unsafe because the child was not mature enough to handle a couple of hours alone, that would be a different story.

I'm betting my Ds won't be staying home alone at age 10. He's just a different child than she is.

Quoting Frustrated10:

Last year when I asked a question about my sd being left home alone every day after school at the age of 10, everyone here told me it was fine and that bm was well within her rights to  leave the 10 yr old home alone after school until she got home at 6:30.


Looking forward to the replys your post gets.

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