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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Calling me Mom

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:00 PM
  • 172 Replies
4 moms liked this

So I have read things on here in the past posted by birth and step moms that get extremely angry about step children calling their step parent mom or dad. I still have not seen any reasons for not allowing it that make sense. Mostly it seems to me that women that are very against it are insecure in their relationship with their child. My daughter has chosen to call me mom. She isn't put under pressure and is never corrected if she calls me by my first name. I believe it shows the bond we have and has nothing to do with her birth mother. I've heard people say it will confuse her... she knows who pushed her out into the world and who didn't so how exactly does it confuse her? Does it confuse you if you call your mother in law mom? I've heard someone say it undermines her birth mother. When my daughter happens to be in a room with the two of us she knows that her birth mothers rules and say is what she needs to listen to. I've also heard how being a step parent you have no rights. I really don't know of a law that demands a child to call people by specific names. So I don't see that as a valid reason either. I know I am also going to hear about calling her my daughter... no I don't have legal rights. I didn't carry her for 9 months. I am however her mother figure when she is in my care... legally or not. So have at it ladies. I want to hear some other reason why it wrong because, if anything, I am totally curious. Can you come up with a reason that isn't really based in insecurity?

by on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:03 PM
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I believe in teaching my children proper titles for people in their lives.
petitedragonfly
by New Member on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:04 PM

 

Quoting amantonacci: I believe in teaching my children proper titles for people in their lives.

 what is the proper title for a step mother then?

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:06 PM
4 moms liked this
Step mother or her first name

Quoting petitedragonfly:

 


Quoting amantonacci: I believe in teaching my children proper titles for people in their lives.

 what is the proper title for a step mother then?

FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:13 PM
3 moms liked this

I believe in teaching children respect and for a child to call someone mom or dad is disrespectful to the actual mom or dad, especially if the child or step knows the biological is not on board with this. I also believe a step allowing this is disrespectful to the biological parent. I am in no way insecure with my relationship with my son. I have never called anyone mom or dad but my biological parents nor would I. Now I call my dad by his first name but that is because he does not have any of my respect.

oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:15 PM
5 moms liked this
Stepmom. It's what we are and it isn't a cussword. I am my SKs SM, my mother's and father's daughter, my brother''a sister, my nieces aunt, I am a sister-in-law to many. What I am not is a mother to kids that ARE NOT MINE. I may be motherly, mothering, mother-like when they are in my care. But what we ALL know and exactly why they DO NOT call me mom and I have not let them is I am NOT their mom. What I don't understand is why the title stepmom is the only one a woman who has many other titles would turn away from and then turn around and challenge another woman for a title she does NOT have over a child that is NOT hers but is that other woman's. That seems pretty warped to me...insecure to have to take another woman's rightful title and deny your own rightful one.
Now OP that is my answer...

Quoting petitedragonfly:  
Quoting amantonacci: I believe in teaching my children proper titles for people in their lives.
 what is the proper title for a step mother then?
oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:17 PM
Exactly.

Quoting amantonacci: Step mother or her first name

Quoting petitedragonfly:

 


Quoting amantonacci: I believe in teaching my children proper titles for people in their lives.

 what is the proper title for a step mother then?

cottonsandy
by on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:17 PM
2 moms liked this
My SS16, SD15, and SD11 all call me mom. I never forced them to they did it when my son was beginning to talk and call me by my name because my son was only copying them. My SD15, then was 7, had initiated it and the others followed. It did take me off guard and we did sit down with them and tell them they didn't have to. They wanted too because they said if they were to call their BM by her name she'd be upset. When they talk amongst one another they do call me by name. Yes BM knows this and has heard them call me mom in front of her awkward??? But they've told their mom upfront and have backed me up. BM understands I'm not trying to take her spot. I'm just a mom figure or mentor in her absence.
Boobear110
by Audra on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:17 PM
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My DD16 calls her SM Mom #2. I hate it. I have told my daughter how I feel about it but she still calls her Mom. It has nothing to do with my insecurity as a Mom. No one can take my place in DD life. It has to do with the fact that SM sees her 4 days a month how much of a Mom are you really? 

My SD lives with me full time. She calls me by my first name. She always will.

thats just the way it is. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:19 PM
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My only concern with what you wrote, is that you feel her calling you mom "shows the bond we have." Most stepkids who call the SM mom, switch over to their first name at some point when they get older. Do you think that will indicate that you no longer have that bond?

I don't think a stepkid calling the SM "mom" says anything at all about the bond. Generally it is just what they have been taught to call the SM, and the bond either there or it isn't... and it's not dependent on that title.

I also never understood the phrase "a mother figure while she is in my care." Either you're a 'mother figure' (such as, a teacher, aunt, grandparent, etc.) or you're not, and if you are -- it's all the time, not just when the child is in your care. For example a teacher might be a mother figure, but not only when the child is in her classroom. As I'm sure you know, her mother is her mother 24/7, regardless of where she is. No one takes her mother's place, but certainly everyone has multiple "mother figures."  A SM is just another one of those on the list with the other mother figures -- the babysitter, the nice motherly neighbor, the teacher, grandmother, Aunt Suzie, etc.

Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2014 at 6:22 PM
1 mom liked this
My ss calls me mom. Bm has never said a word about it. He also calls me by my first name when he feels like it. Usually at his baseball games so he doesn't confuse us. He knows who his mother is. He knows who I am and he knows I would never even dream of thinking I could his momma.
It works for us.
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