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"I'm going to kill myself"

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BM lost custody of SS's 3 years ago due to her drinking.  For the last 3 years it has been hell having to deal with her and the way she treats the kids is disgusting.  Last summer she got 2 Dui's in 2 weeks - 1 for drugs and 1 for alocohol.  She is currently serving weekend jail to fill a 30 day sentence.

She has rarely paid for any of the extras in the last 3 years and has always gotten bitchy and said "take me to court. You won't see a dime".  She's also behind in CS.  Well, DH is sick of her shit and said ok, we'll go to court.  He has been emailing her to get her to pay off the balance and she agreed to send $50 every 2 weeks.  That never happened.  Monday he emailed her and told her she has 30 days to get it paid or he is filing contempt and also having CS reviewed.

Apparently she freaked out and is now telling her family that with all the stress she's under (legal problems, drinking and her DH is the ultimate controlling and abusive dickhead) she's going to kill herself.  If DH files contempt then she automatically loses her permit and could possibly have to spend her 3 years of probation in jail.

DH got a phone call from her brother yesterday asking him to back off BM.  He doesn't care if BM kills herself, but all this stress she's putting on their Grandmother (both parents dead) is starting to affect her health.  Her brother was at her house yesterday because of her suicide threats and told her that she has until Friday to get her DH out of that house or he is calling CPS (for the millionth time and they currently have an open case) and will take custody of her 2 kids with SF.

So, should a parent let the other parent off the hook because they are crying suicide....AGAIN?  She's been doing it for at least 4 years.

by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 11:17 AM
Replies (11-20):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 11:57 AM

It's all confusing.  Everyone knows about her alcohol problems. When she is trashed she calls her brother and SIL and tells them what pieces of shit they are.

DH isn't going to mention the money again.  The cost for football came through on Tuesday and he forwarded that to her with nothing else.  Come 30 days he is planing on filing in court and she will know when she is served. But, of course, her brother is going to pay it for her this week.  He is also going to pay anything she misses going forward until he can get this all sorted out.

The ultimate goal for everyone (her family, the kids, DH and myself) is get her out of her marriage and sober.  Before she met him she was an amazing Mom and the kids really miss that.  Her kids with SF never knew that side of her and they deserve to.  Her brother wants custody of the kids until this all happens.  He will pay anything and everything she needs to make that happen.  She just has to take the first steps - leave him and admit she needs help.

Quoting jules2boys:

Ok, maybe in 'back off' your DH could just not say anything else to BM about it for these 30 days he's given her.  Then IF she gets get her DH out of the house and makes a proactive attempt to get herself help, he can back off longer.  If she doesn't get her DH out, and her family calls CPS on her situation at home, then (if I understand this right) her brother will take custody of her kids with her current DH and she'll be alone with her DH, or he'll be removed by CPS (how would her family calling CPS work? What are they hoping to accomplish there?  Getting HER away from him or the kids away from him?) 

Does her family even acknowledge/know of her drug/alcohol use? 

Maybe DH could give her 45 days (but not tell her that) instead of 30, to get her stuff together but, if there is NO progress afte the 30 days, he could go ahead and file what he's going to? 

Mostly I agree with the other ladies, he's held her accountable all this time and she's failed, so why bother 'backing off' yet again?    Or, is your DH only interested in the money owed by her and if her brother pays her arrears then your DH will drop it?  I'm unclear about that part (sorry). 


Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 12:07 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm all for helping people who want help.  But she doesn't sound like she wants help.  So her family isn't doing anything but enabling her. I know it's hard to drop the reins as JLG said, but goodness.  They've got to let her hit bottom so she can get motivated to claw her way out of this hole.  I feel for the woman. But SMH....it's sad.

I hope that your DH won't let his kiddo spend time in that environment. It doesn't sound safe or mentally healthy. 

And I really feel for the brother. 

Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 12:18 PM

 She's hitting rock bottom. I'd tell her brother to admit her and get her into rehab/AA meetings. Not try to make her life easier. That is just a halfway house for her ongoing downward spiral.

Leigh84
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 12:25 PM
I wouldn't let her off the hook. Your DH gave her 30 days. She has time to do something about the money she owes him.

It sounds like her family, or I guess her brother in this case needs to get her some serious help. I think most ppl who scream suicide want attn. unfortunately the few ppl I've known who had committed suicide didn't threaten it. They just did it and left a note. It does sound like BM needs some serious counseling tho. Maybe even some rehab.
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 12:26 PM

What permit?

What is she on probation for, and why would being in contempt for a CS order violate her probation?


jules2boys
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 12:37 PM

Oh, wow. That's so very sad.  :(  I feel for her brother but, I do wonder if she's actually hit bottom enough that she'll accept help or if this will just give her another notch to fall below.  :( 

(I also hope your DH doesn't send SS to her home now.  It doesn't sound like a good place for him to be). 

Quoting WifeyC:

It's all confusing.  Everyone knows about her alcohol problems. When she is trashed she calls her brother and SIL and tells them what pieces of shit they are.

DH isn't going to mention the money again.  The cost for football came through on Tuesday and he forwarded that to her with nothing else.  Come 30 days he is planing on filing in court and she will know when she is served. But, of course, her brother is going to pay it for her this week.  He is also going to pay anything she misses going forward until he can get this all sorted out.

The ultimate goal for everyone (her family, the kids, DH and myself) is get her out of her marriage and sober.  Before she met him she was an amazing Mom and the kids really miss that.  Her kids with SF never knew that side of her and they deserve to.  Her brother wants custody of the kids until this all happens.  He will pay anything and everything she needs to make that happen.  She just has to take the first steps - leave him and admit she needs help.

Quoting jules2boys:

Ok, maybe in 'back off' your DH could just not say anything else to BM about it for these 30 days he's given her.  Then IF she gets get her DH out of the house and makes a proactive attempt to get herself help, he can back off longer.  If she doesn't get her DH out, and her family calls CPS on her situation at home, then (if I understand this right) her brother will take custody of her kids with her current DH and she'll be alone with her DH, or he'll be removed by CPS (how would her family calling CPS work? What are they hoping to accomplish there?  Getting HER away from him or the kids away from him?) 

Does her family even acknowledge/know of her drug/alcohol use? 

Maybe DH could give her 45 days (but not tell her that) instead of 30, to get her stuff together but, if there is NO progress afte the 30 days, he could go ahead and file what he's going to? 

Mostly I agree with the other ladies, he's held her accountable all this time and she's failed, so why bother 'backing off' yet again?    Or, is your DH only interested in the money owed by her and if her brother pays her arrears then your DH will drop it?  I'm unclear about that part (sorry). 



WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 12:37 PM

She has a suspended license due to DUI's.  The state gave her a permit that she can drive to work, jail, dr and AA meetings.

She told DH that she was told if she has any legal problems then they can revoke her probation and put her in jail.  I wouldn't think the 2 are related, but she claims she specifically asked about it.


Quoting whatIknownow:

What permit?

What is she on probation for, and why would being in contempt for a CS order violate her probation?



WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 12:38 PM

I feel bad for her entire family.  I see bits and pieces of her drama, but they get it full blown.  It can't be easy.

Quoting jules2boys:

Oh, wow. That's so very sad.  :(  I feel for her brother but, I do wonder if she's actually hit bottom enough that she'll accept help or if this will just give her another notch to fall below.  :( 

(I also hope your DH doesn't send SS to her home now.  It doesn't sound like a good place for him to be). 

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 12:41 PM

She went through 3 months of AA classes through the court and would go home and drink.  She's not ready to get sober because then she would actually have to deal with her problems.  Right now she drinks herself stupid, passes out and tries again the next day.

Quoting Leigh84: I wouldn't let her off the hook. Your DH gave her 30 days. She has time to do something about the money she owes him. It sounds like her family, or I guess her brother in this case needs to get her some serious help. I think most ppl who scream suicide want attn. unfortunately the few ppl I've known who had committed suicide didn't threaten it. They just did it and left a note. It does sound like BM needs some serious counseling tho. Maybe even some rehab.


CFSTBSM27
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 12:45 PM
1 mom liked this
Suicide is not a joke and I detest people who use it to play games. She needs to get help and that's on herself, friends and family to do so. I don't play around with suicide threats or think it's even remotely ok to threaten that because I lost someone very dear to suicide and I miss them everyday.
People who cry wolf with suicide need to be punched in the face with a reality check. Sounds like of a bunch of enablers but without her entire background it's hard to say. I personally would stay the hell away from that whole situation
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