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"I'm going to kill myself"

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BM lost custody of SS's 3 years ago due to her drinking.  For the last 3 years it has been hell having to deal with her and the way she treats the kids is disgusting.  Last summer she got 2 Dui's in 2 weeks - 1 for drugs and 1 for alocohol.  She is currently serving weekend jail to fill a 30 day sentence.

She has rarely paid for any of the extras in the last 3 years and has always gotten bitchy and said "take me to court. You won't see a dime".  She's also behind in CS.  Well, DH is sick of her shit and said ok, we'll go to court.  He has been emailing her to get her to pay off the balance and she agreed to send $50 every 2 weeks.  That never happened.  Monday he emailed her and told her she has 30 days to get it paid or he is filing contempt and also having CS reviewed.

Apparently she freaked out and is now telling her family that with all the stress she's under (legal problems, drinking and her DH is the ultimate controlling and abusive dickhead) she's going to kill herself.  If DH files contempt then she automatically loses her permit and could possibly have to spend her 3 years of probation in jail.

DH got a phone call from her brother yesterday asking him to back off BM.  He doesn't care if BM kills herself, but all this stress she's putting on their Grandmother (both parents dead) is starting to affect her health.  Her brother was at her house yesterday because of her suicide threats and told her that she has until Friday to get her DH out of that house or he is calling CPS (for the millionth time and they currently have an open case) and will take custody of her 2 kids with SF.

So, should a parent let the other parent off the hook because they are crying suicide....AGAIN?  She's been doing it for at least 4 years.

by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 11:17 AM
Replies (31-40):
wise.toes
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:42 PM
2 moms liked this

go forward with court. 

the only person to blame in this situation is her, and she`ll never hit rock bottom if her family keeps rescuing her.

perhaps being in jail for 3 years will do her good. keep her sober and get her out of her marriage..

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 8:13 AM
Should bm take responsibility? Yes. Is it a dirty horrible thing she is doing? Yes. Do I have sympathy for her? No. For grandma? Not really, maybe a little.

However, I would not be willing to put up with the bullshit just to get that amount of money. I would be looking to insulate myself and dh and the kids from her behavior.

For $100 dollars? Me, personally, I wouldn't bother except as a negotiating tactic
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 8:39 AM

Well, it's a lot more than $100.  He's tired of her games and he's tired of her bullshit.  He will file in court if it's not paid.  He's not going to discuss it with her, negotiate with her. Nothing. He wants as little communication as possible with her.  

Quoting chanizen: Should bm take responsibility? Yes. Is it a dirty horrible thing she is doing? Yes. Do I have sympathy for her? No. For grandma? Not really, maybe a little. However, I would not be willing to put up with the bullshit just to get that amount of money. I would be looking to insulate myself and dh and the kids from her behavior. For $100 dollars? Me, personally, I wouldn't bother except as a negotiating tactic


jcalooy
by Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 9:26 AM

This situation sucks! I for sure would not allow my SS to spend time with the BM. It seems that it would only influence the child in negative ways. I would say get her to sign her rights over or take her to court so that your husband has full custody of the child. As far as child support I would not worry about it. Yes it is her obligation to pay but if its not happening don't let it stress you out. As long as the children are safe and have what they need then that's all that matters. In the long run the children will appreciate all that you and your husband have done for them. And we see the situation for what it truly is. I hope it works out for you

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 10:17 AM
What is his end game, though?

Money?
Less contact?


Quoting WifeyC:

Well, it's a lot more than $100.  He's tired of her games and he's tired of her bullshit.  He will file in court if it's not paid.  He's not going to discuss it with her, negotiate with her. Nothing. He wants as little communication as possible with her.  

Quoting chanizen: Should bm take responsibility? Yes. Is it a dirty horrible thing she is doing? Yes. Do I have sympathy for her? No. For grandma? Not really, maybe a little.

However, I would not be willing to put up with the bullshit just to get that amount of money. I would be looking to insulate myself and dh and the kids from her behavior.

For $100 dollars? Me, personally, I wouldn't bother except as a negotiating tactic

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 10:20 AM

He wants her to support her children.   The end game is to get her ass sober and out of the abusive relationship so she can go back to being a Mom, but I don't really see that happening.

Quoting chanizen: What is his end game, though? Money? Less contact?
Quoting WifeyC:

Well, it's a lot more than $100.  He's tired of her games and he's tired of her bullshit.  He will file in court if it's not paid.  He's not going to discuss it with her, negotiate with her. Nothing. He wants as little communication as possible with her.  

Quoting chanizen: Should bm take responsibility? Yes. Is it a dirty horrible thing she is doing? Yes. Do I have sympathy for her? No. For grandma? Not really, maybe a little. However, I would not be willing to put up with the bullshit just to get that amount of money. I would be looking to insulate myself and dh and the kids from her behavior. For $100 dollars? Me, personally, I wouldn't bother except as a negotiating tactic



chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 10:36 AM
1 mom liked this
Right. Getting her sober is likely not attainable,

If money is the end game, and he finds that money to be worth the hassle, then he should proceed.

We went down the "get sober" path with several relatives. It did not work.

Money, he might get. Honestly, I would be very surprised if it winds up worth his time, effort and legal fees.

My end game would be to reduce bullshit. Which is why my response is what it is. I don't think bm will ever pay. If he feels it is worthwhile, he could put her in jail. Because, very likely, that is the outcome. There is a possibility jail would sober her up temporarily. My relatives who were alcoholics: bottle in hand the day they were out.

Quoting WifeyC:

He wants her to support her children.   The end game is to get her ass sober and out of the abusive relationship so she can go back to being a Mom, but I don't really see that happening.

Quoting chanizen: What is his end game, though?

Money?
Less contact?


Quoting WifeyC:

Well, it's a lot more than $100.  He's tired of her games and he's tired of her bullshit.  He will file in court if it's not paid.  He's not going to discuss it with her, negotiate with her. Nothing. He wants as little communication as possible with her.  

Quoting chanizen: Should bm take responsibility? Yes. Is it a dirty horrible thing she is doing? Yes. Do I have sympathy for her? No. For grandma? Not really, maybe a little.

However, I would not be willing to put up with the bullshit just to get that amount of money. I would be looking to insulate myself and dh and the kids from her behavior.

For $100 dollars? Me, personally, I wouldn't bother except as a negotiating tactic

minimoo
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 10:47 AM
Ugh. After bf and I split for the last time and he was in his "omg I actually lost her for good and she won't take me back" freak out stage, after telling me he wouldn't see dd if I wouldn't take him back didn't make me forgive him and run back to him, he tried telling me that he was going to join the army and volunteer to stand front line and run in front of a bullet if I didn't take him back bc "my life is not worth living without you in my arms!" At that point, I just told him "if you feel that joining the army would better your life, do what you've got to do." Threatening suicide was one of his manipulation tactics our entire relationship. I wouldn't give him money for beer or go buy him cigarettes? He would start swallowing pills. Leave bc I caught him cheating again? He would start cutting. At the time, I thought he was serious and didn't see that he was just throwing an incredibly self destructive 2 yo tantrum bc he doesn't like to hear the word no. I went through a bunch of doing stress because of it. Looking back, he was always bluffing. His mom does the same kind of crap, just not as extreme. What I should have done that would have actually maybe helped him was call the cops and tell them "Hey, so my 19 yo fiance just swallowed a bunch of pills bc I told him I wouldn't give him money for alcohol." Likely, he would have been hospitalized and treated. I also would have learned much sooner that he was just being a manipulative asshole.
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 11:00 AM

Her brother is going to send him a check out of her trust fund.  

I can't say for sure if DH would have followed through on it come 30 days, but at least now he doesn't have to worry about it.

Quoting chanizen: Right. Getting her sober is likely not attainable, If money is the end game, and he finds that money to be worth the hassle, then he should proceed. We went down the "get sober" path with several relatives. It did not work. Money, he might get. Honestly, I would be very surprised if it winds up worth his time, effort and legal fees. My end game would be to reduce bullshit. Which is why my response is what it is. I don't think bm will ever pay. If he feels it is worthwhile, he could put her in jail. Because, very likely, that is the outcome. There is a possibility jail would sober her up temporarily. My relatives who were alcoholics: bottle in hand the day they were out.
Quoting WifeyC:

He wants her to support her children.   The end game is to get her ass sober and out of the abusive relationship so she can go back to being a Mom, but I don't really see that happening.

Quoting chanizen: What is his end game, though? Money? Less contact?
Quoting WifeyC:

Well, it's a lot more than $100.  He's tired of her games and he's tired of her bullshit.  He will file in court if it's not paid.  He's not going to discuss it with her, negotiate with her. Nothing. He wants as little communication as possible with her.  

Quoting chanizen: Should bm take responsibility? Yes. Is it a dirty horrible thing she is doing? Yes. Do I have sympathy for her? No. For grandma? Not really, maybe a little. However, I would not be willing to put up with the bullshit just to get that amount of money. I would be looking to insulate myself and dh and the kids from her behavior. For $100 dollars? Me, personally, I wouldn't bother except as a negotiating tactic




babie113
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 11:09 AM

nope .shes just trying to get out of being responsable

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