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Would it bug you?

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 1:15 PM
  • 42 Replies
SS9 gave Dad a thing he made at school for Christmas saying he couldn't wait to spend time with DH and the rest of his siblings and mentioned each one by name. (My name wasn't included) Same thing now for Easter. Everyone's name but mine. He also said something strange the other day, DH asked if I was a good SM to him,(forgot how it came up, was pretty much casual conversation) SS was quiet for a second and then said "well if it was up to me I'd say yeah"...I'm thinking there might be some sort of hazing going on from BM, can't be sure but she's a malicious, spiteful beast so I wouldn't put it past her. I'm trying to let this roll off my back but I have to admit it stings just a little bit.
by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 1:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hadleykubenka
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 1:21 PM
Let it go and keep being the best step mom you can be.

The same has happened here too many of times. Just keep doin what you are doin and I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it.
WickedPissah
by Cup Cakes on Apr. 24, 2014 at 1:50 PM
2 moms liked this
BMS are the root of all evil.
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 3:23 PM

My XH sure thinks so!  ;)   (guess he hasn't considered that SM, his wife, is also a BM...  ;) ) 

Quoting WickedPissah: BMS are the root of all evil.

OP - yeah, it might bug me a bit but it doesn't sound like he's making your life miserable, but that he's trying to deal with either what he's being told (not necessarily by BM, could be someone else) or what he thinks he's supposed to feel.  Sounds like BF needs to talk to him somemore to get to the bottom of this. 

And, I agree, you should let this roll off your back.  If BM, or anyone else, is telling him he shouldn't like you, my guess is, they'd say it about anyone married to your DH, not just 'you'.  (Unless there's something in the past you said/did that they're still holding onto?)

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 3:30 PM

Maybe she is, maybe she isn't at the root of it.  Doesn't matter because you can't control what she says or does.  Well, I guess you can if it is truly egregious and you have tons of money to spend on legal fees and are willing to cause collateral damage to the kids during the ugly legal wranglings.  Because they would be ugly.  And I say that because if she is a beast and she is saying nasties about you, it will only escalate if she is called on it legally.  And if she isn't a beast it will escalate because now you have legally called her a beast.

So, it is a no win to think you can change BM.  So don't.

Focus on your home.  How is your actual relationship with SS?  Not the hallmark card holiday handmade gift thing.  How long have you known him?  How often is he in your home?  Do you have other kids?

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 3:30 PM
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And by the way - you are human so go ahead and let it sting.  And then let it go.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 5:27 PM
No, it wouldn't bug me, I expect the worse with my SS and I am many times pleasantly surprised so I will let that remain. I prefer that to being hurt because of uncomfortable things said.
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jlg12678
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 5:40 PM

It might just be that he is very comfortable with his relationship with you and it just doesn't cross his mind.

I say that as a bm who has a ten year old son who adores his stepdad. They are very close and get along well. That being said, when it comes to including him in gifts/art projects/etc he often doesn't do it. It has nothing to do with the fact that he doesn't love/appreciate his stepdad...it just honestly doesn't come to mind.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 5:44 PM

I wouldn't let it get to me. could he pick  up on your feelings toward his mom? 

I'd shake it off. 

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 5:52 PM
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Do you have a good relationship with him in your home? Is he carousing trouble and being rude to you? If you pretty much get along and he's not going out of his way to cause you trouble... Let it go. Pressing the issue more will just make him feel uncomfortable and like he has to be even more guarded. Just continue to be a good SM to him and treat him well. He's young so he very well might feel a loyalty bind but nothing but time will change that.
mrsd2013
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:19 PM

 My ss says things like this too.. except he tells me it is coming from BM.  I feel sorry that he has to go through that.  You can't change what she says about you (if it is coming from her) or how she makes him feel.  But you can be the bigger person.  You can love on him and not doing things that make him feel uncomfortable. 

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