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How many of you that give that "advice" have actually ever been? 

It isn't cheap, it isn't easy, and most don't want to go.

And if the advice is given to a SM whining about what mom isnt  doing while her husband isn't doing those things being whined about either, he isn't going to win. 

by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 3:39 PM
Replies (21-30):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 5:49 PM

One time BF threatened me with requesting what is in essence a court appointed parenting coordinator through a letter from his lawyer.

All for not creating and maintaining a google calendar for him of data that was already available and/or communicated to him.  He just felt I should continue in my role of secretary and put it all in one place.

I laughed and sent a letter to his lawyer saying no thank you.  But he is welcome to create that calendar for himself and I would be glad to enter info for appointments he would have no way of knowing about.

Never heard about it again.

Quoting MommySabs: Court is a pain in the ***. It should be a last resort. I haven't been back to court with exh. Dh did take bm back to court and got 95% of what he wanted out of it and it was worth it as it was a last resort. I have reminded exh on the rare occasions he has threatened to take me back that, that is fine if he feels it is worth losing the option of decided between us how to parent our kids and having someone who doesn't know them or has only briefly met them determine how we are allowed to parent.


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 5:51 PM

Since you have never been to court, why are giving advice about something that you know nothing about?  In a post about how difficult going to court can be?

Did you read the post or any of the responses?

Quoting melyndaann:

No, we have not.  Luckily everyone in our situation (BM, her boyfriend, DH, and I) are very good at co-parenting and working together.  We've never had a disagreement that couldn't be solved between the four of us.  We all prefer it this way.

If it ever came to a point where our cooperation ceased, DH and I would not hesitate to go to court.  We've already made that decision together.  I really hope it doesn't and at this point we never see it going there.  It's good to be on the same page in case though.

Quoting pdxmum:

Have you been to court?

Quoting melyndaann:

If you think it's court worthy, then it is...Plain and simple.

Quoting Singlemama52: What about if you have a toddler who is in intensive therapy due to being delayed from prematurity.. And the therapy can place the toddler on hold, but his place will not be there when he gets back from dads 30 day visitation. The dad doesn't check in with CP nor therapist regarding how the child is doing and if the child is progressing. The father refuses to acknowledge the child may need some help and thinks his 30 day visitation is more important, and the CP has sent the evaluation the child had to NCP. CP offered to split the 30 days of summer up to one week a month starting from May to August but NCP won't agree. Is that court worthy? NCP is far away too and would not be able to take the child to therapy.
Quoting packermom4ever:

I've been to court. One time only. My ex wanted it and it backfired on him. I didn't want to go. It took about 6 months from beginning to end and thousands of dollars. 

And now here we are not following it and he isn't even around to follow it. It was a waste of time and money and I do what I want anyway.





melyndaann
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:15 PM
4 moms liked this

I work for my State's Department of Social Services.  So I see many OTHER people's cases and their decision to go to court.  I see it benefit MANY people.  So maybe you shouldn't assume that just because someone hasn't done something, they don't know about it.

I DID read the replies, I did see the negatives, did YOU see some of the positives?

I don't understand why you would try to discourage someone from trying to get the help they feel they need in a situation where there might not be another option.   

Do I agree that it's the last resort? Yes, 100%.  I tell this to clients daily. 
Do I agree that it's not right for every situation? Yes. 
That's why I said: "If you think it's court worthy then it is..."
Like I said, if DH and I ever felt we needed to go to court, I would never hesitate. 

I'm sorry some people had a bad experiences with court, I'm not trying to take that away from you if that's what you think.  I just want those people who now see this post and are afraid to go to court, to know that it's okay to need it and to do it.  It won't ALWAYS end up badly.

Quoting pdxmum:

Since you have never been to court, why are giving advice about something that you know nothing about?  In a post about how difficult going to court can be?

Did you read the post or any of the responses?

Quoting melyndaann:

No, we have not.  Luckily everyone in our situation (BM, her boyfriend, DH, and I) are very good at co-parenting and working together.  We've never had a disagreement that couldn't be solved between the four of us.  We all prefer it this way.

If it ever came to a point where our cooperation ceased, DH and I would not hesitate to go to court.  We've already made that decision together.  I really hope it doesn't and at this point we never see it going there.  It's good to be on the same page in case though.

Quoting pdxmum:

Have you been to court?

Quoting melyndaann:

If you think it's court worthy, then it is...Plain and simple.

Quoting Singlemama52: What about if you have a toddler who is in intensive therapy due to being delayed from prematurity.. And the therapy can place the toddler on hold, but his place will not be there when he gets back from dads 30 day visitation. The dad doesn't check in with CP nor therapist regarding how the child is doing and if the child is progressing. The father refuses to acknowledge the child may need some help and thinks his 30 day visitation is more important, and the CP has sent the evaluation the child had to NCP. CP offered to split the 30 days of summer up to one week a month starting from May to August but NCP won't agree. Is that court worthy? NCP is far away too and would not be able to take the child to therapy. Quoting packermom4ever:

I've been to court. One time only. My ex wanted it and it backfired on him. I didn't want to go. It took about 6 months from beginning to end and thousands of dollars. 

And now here we are not following it and he isn't even around to follow it. It was a waste of time and money and I do what I want anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:15 PM


Quoting melyndaann:

No, we have not.  Luckily everyone in our situation (BM, her boyfriend, DH, and I) are very good at co-parenting and working together.  We've never had a disagreement that couldn't be solved between the four of us.  We all prefer it this way.

If it ever came to a point where our cooperation ceased, DH and I would not hesitate to go to court.  We've already made that decision together.  I really hope it doesn't and at this point we never see it going there.  It's good to be on the same page in case though.

Contrary to popular belief (on this board) you wouldn't be party to that. It would be between dad and mom. 
You have no idea what it is like, it is not the best advice to give in most of the situations presented on this board. 
My ex hasn't paid a medical bill since 2006 and we have children have had some serious issues. Some people jump to "why don't you take him to court?"... because I would rather have my kids than his money. It would be stresful, I'd be spending money better spent on trying to make him do the right thing and it may not work. I have a situation where court would be a great idea IF i cared about trying to make him be a dad instead of just accepting him as is. 
That is how it is for a lot of the situations on this board. Court would be a time sucker, money waster, and in the end most of them don't stand a chance in court when it comes to the little things they are bitching about and the big ones? Crap shoot. You may think if mom stopped cooperating that dad would automatically win, but chances are it would be a slap on the wrist and nothing more the first few times and your husband would have wasted your mney trying to get her to behave.
SM36477
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:22 PM
3 moms liked this

 I think her comment was perfectly reasonable.  She didn't say, yep, you should totally go to court.  She said that if it is important enough to you, then yes, you should take it to court.  What's important to you might not be important to her and vice versa.  Why are you attacking someone over what is an extremely logical response?

Example:  BM doesn't want us to take SS to Disney, so she is taking us to court.  DH and I would never take her to court because she wanted to take SS to Disneym, BM apparently finds it important enough to warrant a court appearance.  It's all about perspective and what's important to each person.

Quoting pdxmum:

Since you have never been to court, why are giving advice about something that you know nothing about?  In a post about how difficult going to court can be?

Did you read the post or any of the responses?

Quoting melyndaann:

No, we have not.  Luckily everyone in our situation (BM, her boyfriend, DH, and I) are very good at co-parenting and working together.  We've never had a disagreement that couldn't be solved between the four of us.  We all prefer it this way.

If it ever came to a point where our cooperation ceased, DH and I would not hesitate to go to court.  We've already made that decision together.  I really hope it doesn't and at this point we never see it going there.  It's good to be on the same page in case though.

Quoting pdxmum:

Have you been to court?

Quoting melyndaann:

If you think it's court worthy, then it is...Plain and simple.

Quoting Singlemama52: What about if you have a toddler who is in intensive therapy due to being delayed from prematurity.. And the therapy can place the toddler on hold, but his place will not be there when he gets back from dads 30 day visitation. The dad doesn't check in with CP nor therapist regarding how the child is doing and if the child is progressing. The father refuses to acknowledge the child may need some help and thinks his 30 day visitation is more important, and the CP has sent the evaluation the child had to NCP. CP offered to split the 30 days of summer up to one week a month starting from May to August but NCP won't agree. Is that court worthy? NCP is far away too and would not be able to take the child to therapy.
Quoting packermom4ever:

I've been to court. One time only. My ex wanted it and it backfired on him. I didn't want to go. It took about 6 months from beginning to end and thousands of dollars. 

And now here we are not following it and he isn't even around to follow it. It was a waste of time and money and I do what I want anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:29 PM
2 moms liked this

Court works for some people and situation, if people can't discuss things, compromise or agree on anything, what would you suggest they do if they are not the CP? I can understand if you have defacto sole custody that you would have no reason to have to go to court.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:33 PM

Why did you delete your second response to me?

Quoting melyndaann:

No, we have not.  Luckily everyone in our situation (BM, her boyfriend, DH, and I) are very good at co-parenting and working together.  We've never had a disagreement that couldn't be solved between the four of us.  We all prefer it this way.

If it ever came to a point where our cooperation ceased, DH and I would not hesitate to go to court.  We've already made that decision together.  I really hope it doesn't and at this point we never see it going there.  It's good to be on the same page in case though.

Quoting pdxmum:

Have you been to court?

Quoting melyndaann:

If you think it's court worthy, then it is...Plain and simple.

Quoting Singlemama52: What about if you have a toddler who is in intensive therapy due to being delayed from prematurity.. And the therapy can place the toddler on hold, but his place will not be there when he gets back from dads 30 day visitation. The dad doesn't check in with CP nor therapist regarding how the child is doing and if the child is progressing. The father refuses to acknowledge the child may need some help and thinks his 30 day visitation is more important, and the CP has sent the evaluation the child had to NCP. CP offered to split the 30 days of summer up to one week a month starting from May to August but NCP won't agree. Is that court worthy? NCP is far away too and would not be able to take the child to therapy.
Quoting packermom4ever:

I've been to court. One time only. My ex wanted it and it backfired on him. I didn't want to go. It took about 6 months from beginning to end and thousands of dollars. 

And now here we are not following it and he isn't even around to follow it. It was a waste of time and money and I do what I want anyway.





melyndaann
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't want you to feel like I'm ignoring you and I don't think either of us is going to stop going in a circle about this, so:

Your feelings and opinion are completely valid and right.

Good discussion.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Quoting melyndaann:

No, we have not.  Luckily everyone in our situation (BM, her boyfriend, DH, and I) are very good at co-parenting and working together.  We've never had a disagreement that couldn't be solved between the four of us.  We all prefer it this way.

If it ever came to a point where our cooperation ceased, DH and I would not hesitate to go to court.  We've already made that decision together.  I really hope it doesn't and at this point we never see it going there.  It's good to be on the same page in case though.

Contrary to popular belief (on this board) you wouldn't be party to that. It would be between dad and mom. 
You have no idea what it is like, it is not the best advice to give in most of the situations presented on this board. 
My ex hasn't paid a medical bill since 2006 and we have children have had some serious issues. Some people jump to "why don't you take him to court?"... because I would rather have my kids than his money. It would be stresful, I'd be spending money better spent on trying to make him do the right thing and it may not work. I have a situation where court would be a great idea IF i cared about trying to make him be a dad instead of just accepting him as is. 
That is how it is for a lot of the situations on this board. Court would be a time sucker, money waster, and in the end most of them don't stand a chance in court when it comes to the little things they are bitching about and the big ones? Crap shoot. You may think if mom stopped cooperating that dad would automatically win, but chances are it would be a slap on the wrist and nothing more the first few times and your husband would have wasted your mney trying to get her to behave.

 

melyndaann
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:36 PM

I had posted but it deleted my response and only showed the quotes.. So I had to retype. :(

Quoting pdxmum:

Why did you delete your second response to me?

Quoting melyndaann:

No, we have not.  Luckily everyone in our situation (BM, her boyfriend, DH, and I) are very good at co-parenting and working together.  We've never had a disagreement that couldn't be solved between the four of us.  We all prefer it this way.

If it ever came to a point where our cooperation ceased, DH and I would not hesitate to go to court.  We've already made that decision together.  I really hope it doesn't and at this point we never see it going there.  It's good to be on the same page in case though.

Quoting pdxmum:

Have you been to court?

Quoting melyndaann:

If you think it's court worthy, then it is...Plain and simple.

Quoting Singlemama52: What about if you have a toddler who is in intensive therapy due to being delayed from prematurity.. And the therapy can place the toddler on hold, but his place will not be there when he gets back from dads 30 day visitation. The dad doesn't check in with CP nor therapist regarding how the child is doing and if the child is progressing. The father refuses to acknowledge the child may need some help and thinks his 30 day visitation is more important, and the CP has sent the evaluation the child had to NCP. CP offered to split the 30 days of summer up to one week a month starting from May to August but NCP won't agree. Is that court worthy? NCP is far away too and would not be able to take the child to therapy.
Quoting packermom4ever:

I've been to court. One time only. My ex wanted it and it backfired on him. I didn't want to go. It took about 6 months from beginning to end and thousands of dollars. 

And now here we are not following it and he isn't even around to follow it. It was a waste of time and money and I do what I want anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

SM36477
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:37 PM

 Oh my, that just made me laugh so hard. 

Quoting melyndaann:

I don't want you to feel like I'm ignoring you and I don't think either of us is going to stop going in a circle about this, so:

Your feelings and opinion are completely valid and right.

Good discussion.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Quoting melyndaann:

No, we have not.  Luckily everyone in our situation (BM, her boyfriend, DH, and I) are very good at co-parenting and working together.  We've never had a disagreement that couldn't be solved between the four of us.  We all prefer it this way.

If it ever came to a point where our cooperation ceased, DH and I would not hesitate to go to court.  We've already made that decision together.  I really hope it doesn't and at this point we never see it going there.  It's good to be on the same page in case though.

Contrary to popular belief (on this board) you wouldn't be party to that. It would be between dad and mom. 
You have no idea what it is like, it is not the best advice to give in most of the situations presented on this board. 
My ex hasn't paid a medical bill since 2006 and we have children have had some serious issues. Some people jump to "why don't you take him to court?"... because I would rather have my kids than his money. It would be stresful, I'd be spending money better spent on trying to make him do the right thing and it may not work. I have a situation where court would be a great idea IF i cared about trying to make him be a dad instead of just accepting him as is. 
That is how it is for a lot of the situations on this board. Court would be a time sucker, money waster, and in the end most of them don't stand a chance in court when it comes to the little things they are bitching about and the big ones? Crap shoot. You may think if mom stopped cooperating that dad would automatically win, but chances are it would be a slap on the wrist and nothing more the first few times and your husband would have wasted your mney trying to get her to behave.

 

 

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