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How many of you that give that "advice" have actually ever been? 

It isn't cheap, it isn't easy, and most don't want to go.

And if the advice is given to a SM whining about what mom isnt  doing while her husband isn't doing those things being whined about either, he isn't going to win. 

by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 3:39 PM
Replies (41-50):
theshanster17
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 7:36 PM

DH has been--a couple of times (other than divorce) and going for a third time soon (which BM initiated).

It's great as a last resort thing. I think threatening court for every.little.thing is stupid and a waste of time. If it's a continued thing that hinders on your relationship with your child (violation of CO) or CS not being paid, take it to court. It's more for those who cannot work out a solution without getting a third-party involved.

chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 8:28 PM
I've given that advice as well as doing it myself. Been there, done that, still doing it.
annabl1970
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 8:40 PM
Court is expensive and stressful
I would say: take it to court only, when all other ways to fix a problem didn't work.
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owl0210
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 8:43 PM
I've been to court a few times with my ex-husband for my divorce and a modification. My fiance has been to court with his ex-wife more times than I can count. I hope their legal battles end soon.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:20 PM
Don't count on it. My ex has been ordered to pay legal fees, he's been sanctioned, he's been held in contempt during his OWN contempt hearing against me (LOL), he's been through multiple lawyers - I know he has to be out of money at some point - but he just keeps on. He even filed the dumbest ever filing and it was dismissed but not until the judge had a chance to order he pay my legal fees and my lost wages. I've never seen a dime. I would have to take him back to court over and over and over again and well I just don't feel like it. Hitting him in his wallet has not stopped this man ... Which is exactly what my lawyer thought would happen but we were proven wrong.

Quoting SM36477:

 BM hauls us to court multiple times a year.  We have an Attorney that we keep on retainer, he also handles some business things for us.  Now that BM is trying to stop us from taking SS to Disney, we will finally be requesting that she pay our Attorney's fees.  Maybe hitting her in her wallet will stop all of the frivolous court drama.


FYI - BM doesn't pay for her Attorney, he parents do. 

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Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:25 PM

I have been to court twice. Once for CS, once for visitation/custody.

I told my ex we're gonna go once and get everything straightened out because I didn't wanna do the run around for years and years.

Once we have a CO in place-we're sticking to it. He agreed.

SM36477
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:27 PM
This would not surprise me at all. She's filed bankruptcy twice in the last five years.

We are out of options, so we at least have I try.


Quoting momof2ex1: Don't count on it. My ex has been ordered to pay legal fees, he's been sanctioned, he's been held in contempt during his OWN contempt hearing against me (LOL), he's been through multiple lawyers - I know he has to be out of money at some point - but he just keeps on. He even filed the dumbest ever filing and it was dismissed but not until the judge had a chance to order he pay my legal fees and my lost wages. I've never seen a dime. I would have to take him back to court over and over and over again and well I just don't feel like it. Hitting him in his wallet has not stopped this man ... Which is exactly what my lawyer thought would happen but we were proven wrong.

Quoting SM36477:

 BM hauls us to court multiple times a year.  We have an Attorney that we keep on retainer, he also handles some business things for us.  Now that BM is trying to stop us from taking SS to Disney, we will finally be requesting that she pay our Attorney's fees.  Maybe hitting her in her wallet will stop all of the frivolous court drama.


FYI - BM doesn't pay for her Attorney, he parents do. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:27 PM
1 mom liked this
The post was not created to scare people from going to court. It was created as an opposition to those who give the advice 'take her to court' when they haven't a clue what 'taking her to court' would entail. It's very easy to flippantly say 'just take it to court' when one doesn't realize the financial burden and other consequences of just 'taking it to court' instead of finding a way to work together and mediate it outside of the court room. Most of the time the advice to 'take her to court' is given in posts where the mom is not doing things the way that SM thinks they should be done with moms kids. Taking it to court is silly and is flippantly being suggested. Mom doesn't give her kid a bath every day. Take her to court! Mom doesn't make the kids eat their green beans. Take her to court! Mom lets the kids stay up late instead of being in bed at 7. Take her to court! Mom lets the kids watch sponge bob. Take her to court!

Mom and dad have failed to provide dental care for their kids for 7 years. Take her to court and get custody! What the fuck?

That is what this post is about. Sure take it to court but ... No really... Some things are not court worthy and sometimes people that have never been - wouldn't realize that.

Quoting melyndaann:

I work for my State's Department of Social Services.  So I see many OTHER people's cases and their decision to go to court.  I see it benefit MANY people.  So maybe you shouldn't assume that just because someone hasn't done something, they don't know about it.


I DID read the replies, I did see the negatives, did YOU see some of the positives?


I don't understand why you would try to discourage someone from trying to get the help they feel they need in a situation where there might not be another option.   


Do I agree that it's the last resort? Yes, 100%.  I tell this to clients daily.  Do I agree that it's not right for every situation? Yes.  That's why I said: "If you think it's court worthy then it is..."Like I said, if DH and I ever felt we needed to go to court, I would never hesitate. 


I'm sorry some people had a bad experiences with court, I'm not trying to take that away from you if that's what you think.  I just want those people who now see this post and are afraid to go to court, to know that it's okay to need it and to do it.  It won't ALWAYS end up badly.


Quoting pdxmum:

Since you have never been to court, why are giving advice about something that you know nothing about?  In a post about how difficult going to court can be?


Did you read the post or any of the responses?


Quoting melyndaann:

No, we have not.  Luckily everyone in our situation (BM, her boyfriend, DH, and I) are very good at co-parenting and working together.  We've never had a disagreement that couldn't be solved between the four of us.  We all prefer it this way.


If it ever came to a point where our cooperation ceased, DH and I would not hesitate to go to court.  We've already made that decision together.  I really hope it doesn't and at this point we never see it going there.  It's good to be on the same page in case though.


Quoting pdxmum:

Have you been to court?


Quoting melyndaann:

If you think it's court worthy, then it is...Plain and simple.

Quoting Singlemama52: What about if you have a toddler who is in intensive therapy due to being delayed from prematurity.. And the therapy can place the toddler on hold, but his place will not be there when he gets back from dads 30 day visitation. The dad doesn't check in with CP nor therapist regarding how the child is doing and if the child is progressing. The father refuses to acknowledge the child may need some help and thinks his 30 day visitation is more important, and the CP has sent the evaluation the child had to NCP. CP offered to split the 30 days of summer up to one week a month starting from May to August but NCP won't agree. Is that court worthy? NCP is far away too and would not be able to take the child to therapy. Quoting packermom4ever:

I've been to court. One time only. My ex wanted it and it backfired on him. I didn't want to go. It took about 6 months from beginning to end and thousands of dollars. 


And now here we are not following it and he isn't even around to follow it. It was a waste of time and money and I do what I want anyway.


 


 


 


 


 

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pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:33 PM

I "parent" with a bipolar alcoholic narcissist.  Fighting him does no good.  Manipulation and understanding how to use his narcissism to my advantage is all that works.  I had been with this man since our early 20's through mid 40's.  I knew his buttons.  I was unwilling to use that knowledge when we were married but I had no problem once we divorced.  I also made sure CS came straight out of a paycheck and didn't worry about his buying DDs love.  I made sure my DDs had a relationship with him but also made sure they knew him and understood his disease.  

Did court ever really help?

Quoting donnag013:

If you parallel parent with a narcissist, curt may be necessary more often than not. A narcissist likemy ex will do whateverhe wants, totally violate any existing CO, then smirk as the judge berates him. A narcissist is absolutely sure they, and only they, know what is best for the child, and will use the child in any way possible to make himslef look like a king. A narcissist won't pay CS, but will buy your child a new laptop after your child destroys his other one. Because that makes the child like him more.

It's all relative.


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:33 PM
Yup

And the ones where BM sees the kids three hours a month and they don't like what mom posts on Facebook - take her to court and stop her visitation! Why? She sees them three hours a month. She's not even really IN your lives. Why would you what to waste your resources on fighting over something that isn't really that big of a deal and with a person that is mostly absent from your lives any way?

My ex also owes me a lot of money. Legal fees, medical and dental. I'm not going to see a dime of it. WHY would I even entertain spending even more money to get the same ruling for money I'm already owed that im never going to collect on?

I have taken my ex to court. And I did feel that my reasons were valid and apparently the judge agreed. I know many lawyers will just take your money and file whatever you want them to file. Fortunately I have a lawyer who doesn't like to waste HIS time and if it's not court worthy - he flat out tells me - I'm not taking that to court. Find me something more and we will talk. He had actually probably saved me thousands because there was a time when I was getting the advice - take it to court! Over every single thing. I finally just decided that that was not good advice for me. Every single time I've posted - people are constantly telling me to take him back to court. Well no - if I wanted to go to court - I would not have posted looking for a solution. Because I can go to court all on my own without having to post about it online.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Quoting melyndaann:

No, we have not.  Luckily everyone in our situation (BM, her boyfriend, DH, and I) are very good at co-parenting and working together.  We've never had a disagreement that couldn't be solved between the four of us.  We all prefer it this way.


If it ever came to a point where our cooperation ceased, DH and I would not hesitate to go to court.  We've already made that decision together.  I really hope it doesn't and at this point we never see it going there.  It's good to be on the same page in case though.


Contrary to popular belief (on this board) you wouldn't be party to that. It would be between dad and mom. 
You have no idea what it is like, it is not the best advice to give in most of the situations presented on this board. 
My ex hasn't paid a medical bill since 2006 and we have children have had some serious issues. Some people jump to "why don't you take him to court?"... because I would rather have my kids than his money. It would be stresful, I'd be spending money better spent on trying to make him do the right thing and it may not work. I have a situation where court would be a great idea IF i cared about trying to make him be a dad instead of just accepting him as is. 
That is how it is for a lot of the situations on this board. Court would be a time sucker, money waster, and in the end most of them don't stand a chance in court when it comes to the little things they are bitching about and the big ones? Crap shoot. You may think if mom stopped cooperating that dad would automatically win, but chances are it would be a slap on the wrist and nothing more the first few times and your husband would have wasted your mney trying to get her to behave.
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