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Can dad get ROFR?

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2014 at 10:51 PM
  • 16 Replies

Just wondering - as BM always seems to be the one with ROFR.

What is BM is NCP and works during her visitation time and has her SO watch the kids? Could BD get ROFR and keep the kids instead of sending them to BM's? What if both BP work and the kids would be watched by a stepparent anyway?

by on Apr. 25, 2014 at 10:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 11:05 PM
2 moms liked this
Either parent could ask for rofr. And, as the name says, it just means that the OP is asked first if a sitter is needed. It doesn't mean they always can take the kids. If both parents were unavailable then the responsibility to find child care falls on whoevers parenting time it is. So, like, if dad had rofr and mom needed a sitter on her time but dad was also working he would "refuse" and mom finds someone else. It wouldn't mean that he would get to appoint someone to watch them in his place...
EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 11:05 PM
It depends on the state/County/judge. The judge may not grant it if it is the patents spouse or parent that will be watching the child. Likely, if the child will be watched by a step patent either way, they child would stay with the spouse of the parent whose time it would normally be with the child.
mrsd2013
by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 11:08 PM
Really? I didn't know that!

Quoting EricaG87: It depends on the state/County/judge. The judge may not grant it if it is the patents spouse or parent that will be watching the child. Likely, if the child will be watched by a step patent either way, they child would stay with the spouse of the parent whose time it would normally be with the child.
EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 11:18 PM
Yeah something about it interrupting the cohesiveness of their family unit or something.

Quoting mrsd2013: Really? I didn't know that!

Quoting EricaG87: It depends on the state/County/judge. The judge may not grant it if it is the patents spouse or parent that will be watching the child. Likely, if the child will be watched by a step patent either way, they child would stay with the spouse of the parent whose time it would normally be with the child.
cdrainey3
by Cher on Apr. 26, 2014 at 12:19 AM
I would think it would always go both ways. If mom is asking and is awarded it would be the same for the dad too. Dad would have just as good a chance as mom, he's the parent too.
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 12:21 AM
I believe it depends on how it is worded in the CO. I don't have it in mine but I've heard it written differently in different states or depending on a previous situation that it may only apply to one party or it may apply to both parties, and after X number of hours (2, 4, 8, overnight, etc.). Either party can file for it though. (Filing for it doesn't mean it'll be granted).
packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Apr. 26, 2014 at 11:12 AM


Quoting mrsd2013: Really? I didn't know that!
But if you get a judge that is more about what is best for the kid instead of what is best for the parent's family you'll get ROFR granted. Most of the time being with the parent is what is best for the kid or else we'd have orders granting grandparents the right to babysit instead of allowing the parents to decide what to do with their kids or other people who are blood related and have been around for the kid's entire life would be able to get a co dictating they get to babysit when the parent feels differently. So, since the parents get to decide for their own kids over blood relatives I think the same should be for those related by marriage and, thankfully, I've only ever dealt with a judge who feels the way I do.
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 11:27 AM

I think the premise in your OP is incorrect.  ROFR isn't for "just" BM or "just" DH. In my (limited) experience, ROFR is in the CO and it is for the child so that the child can spend time with their parents rather than being babysat by someone else.  Goes both ways.

And typically (based on the COs I'm aware of due to my friends/family), there is a time frame.  Like if it's going to be more than X hours or overnight. And if the other parent isn't available, then it's up to the parent with custody at that time to arrange child care.

DH and BM in my sitch didn't have a CO'd ROFR but as a courtesy (ha!) they normally would call the other parent if there was a time when they needed to be gone.  Typically the way that worked for us was that DH was responsible for the kids on his time and if BM was going to be unavailable, she would just drop the kids off and SURPRISE!  We were responsible for the kids on our time too. Which is why we got in the habit of having a backup sitter any time we had plans during the weeks the kids were to be with mom.

I'm not convinced that ROFR is all that fabulous.  Aside from a case where the kids are going to be without the parent overnight or all day long, I don't see it being that great.  If DH and I want to go out for dinner when the kids are home, let's say we leave at 8PM.  Kids are going to be in bed asleep anyway.  Does it really make sense to offer that time to BM instead of just getting a sitter?  Granted, kind of a non issue now since the kids are old enough to be home alone.  But meh...I'm not convinced it's so terrific.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 11:31 AM
Of course. Rofr is situation, not gender, specific...

However it often is in place for both parents when it is in place. Something to consider, definitely.
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 11:32 AM

I thought it usually went both ways when someone had it.

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