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BM says half siblings by Dad are "not as much of a sibling to SS" as half siblings by Mom?!

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2014 at 8:03 AM
  • 102 Replies
I really don't get this one....DH and I have DS3 together. SS9 has a half brother by BM/SF at BM's and BM is having another baby. DH and I were talking summer plans and SS9 chimes in with he can't go to my son D's birthday party this summer if it is scheduled at the same time as his brother C's at BM's house (they have birthdays in the same month) because BM said he has to go to C's birthday because BM says that C is his REAL brother and D is not really as much of a brother to him as C is. Are you kidding me? What the hell is wrong with this woman??
by on Apr. 26, 2014 at 8:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kmur
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 8:18 AM
If your dh has a good relationship with bm maybe he can talk to her and find out when. You may have nothing to worry about as far as ss being able to come to the birthday party.
Also maybe dh can talk to bm about what ss said and get a better feel or more to the story, kwim?
sunshinedaisy75
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 8:21 AM
DH and BM hate each other.

Quoting kmur: If your dh has a good relationship with bm maybe he can talk to her and find out when. You may have nothing to worry about as far as ss being able to come to the birthday party.
Also maybe dh can talk to bm about what ss said and get a better feel or more to the story, kwim?
texasma06
by Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 8:23 AM

Sd's bm said the same about her kids. Her other 4 children are full siblings, my dd is just a 'step sister'. Except they share a dad. I just told her that her half sister here is just as important as her half siblings at bm's house. But she has spent more time with her bm then us so she is closer to those siblings. Have your dh talk to her and try to deal with it. 

sunshinedaisy75
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 8:34 AM
I told SS9 that it was simply not true and DS is as much his brother as BM's other children are his brother and sister. Do I know if it sunk in? No. DH and BM cannot stand each other.

Quoting texasma06:

Sd's bm said the same about her kids. Her other 4 children are full siblings, my dd is just a 'step sister'. Except they share a dad. I just told her that her half sister here is just as important as her half siblings at bm's house. But she has spent more time with her bm then us so she is closer to those siblings. Have your dh talk to her and try to deal with it. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 8:38 AM

Did you hear the mom say this or was this relayed to you by a 9yo?

minimoo
by Gold Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 10:07 AM
Sm tried to pull that with my dd- she tried telling her that her brother and sister at home are her step-siblings and "not real", but her children are her full siblings (technically, at least one of their kids is not even a half sibling bc sm cheated and they don't know who the dad is other than not bf). She also tells her that our home is not her home, just a place she "has to stay at", but their home is her "real home". Bf has eowe, if it's convenient for him (he's been known to take off for months to years at a time); I have custody. It's annoying. Dd used to get so upset and hate it- she is extremely close to her brother and sister and her sm told her she wasn't "allowed" to love them and would get mad if she talked about home (ie "that's not your home! That's just Mini's house. This is your home with your real family. Your real mom and real sisters.") Now, as she's grown up some, she has started to see sm for who she is and recognizes that sm has her own issues. She knows where her home is and continues to love her brother and sister.

Quoting texasma06:

Sd's bm said the same about her kids. Her other 4 children are full siblings, my dd is just a 'step sister'. Except they share a dad. I just told her that her half sister here is just as important as her half siblings at bm's house. But she has spent more time with her bm then us so she is closer to those siblings. Have your dh talk to her and try to deal with it. 

FloridaMomma
by on Apr. 26, 2014 at 10:16 AM
1 mom liked this
That is silly.
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 10:19 AM

Does she say this to you?  I think it's probably not uncommon for a kiddo to feel closer to the half sibs he/she lives with the majority of the time.

I don't think it's right for any parent to be telling a kiddo that their half sibs aren't "real" siblings.  They are.  So all else being equal, I think that it's just a matter of time spent together.

On another note:  If BM is planning a bday party for her son on her time, why would there be a conflict for your SS to join you for a party on DH's time? 

CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Apr. 26, 2014 at 11:06 AM
4 moms liked this
Well I'd take it with a grain of salt. Typically kids will be closer to the sibling they are with more. If mom has PC then he probably is closer to her kid. Speaking from having " half" siblings I will always be closer to the ones from my mom because we grew up together , they lived with me. My sisters from my dad were not around as much, I consider them half sisters, while the ones from my mom , I would slap someone for calling them half, those ARE MY SISTERS
sunshinedaisy75
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 12:26 PM
5 moms liked this
I think it's pretty shitty to call the ones by Dad HALF while calling the ones by Mom something more

Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: Well I'd take it with a grain of salt. Typically kids will be closer to the sibling they are with more. If mom has PC then he probably is closer to her kid. Speaking from having " half" siblings I will always be closer to the ones from my mom because we grew up together , they lived with me. My sisters from my dad were not around as much, I consider them half sisters, while the ones from my mom , I would slap someone for calling them half, those ARE MY SISTERS
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