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Opinion on weekly family meetings..

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2014 at 8:01 AM
  • 34 Replies
What is everyone's opinion about family meetings??

I suggested this two weeks ago due to his daughters lying about me. I wanted to talk to them about the issue but it has been "pushed under the rug." My husband has "talked" to her about it but nothing has changed.

I grew up with family meetings and we developed good communication skills with each other.

I here for help.
by on Apr. 27, 2014 at 8:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
twinklebites
by Silver Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 10:33 AM

I hate them it reminds me of my childhood when "family meeting were just a meeting to blame everyone  for everything. 

 What are you hoping to accomplish at these meetings? what are the lies about? They could be beneficial but I need more info.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 10:58 AM
3 moms liked this

I started writing this post about 45 min ago but my DH called so been skyping w/ him...not sure if there will be other responses/info posted since I started.)

Korben-you seem like you're wound a little tight and are used to structure and being in control.  (I totally get it, I'm type A all the way) As a peds nurse (you mentioned in your other post), you're probably used to dealing with parents and kids in an environment where you DO know more about what's going on.

But you're rather newly married, and you won't let your husband's step son visit anymore because he's SN and it creates some kind of issue (you never really said WHAT he did that bothered you) and now you're wanting to have a family meeting about you SD?  You're not going to HAVE a family to meet with if you don't back off and let your husband handle his kids.

She can't be that old if your husband was married to his ex for 6 years, you married two years later....so she's what?  8-10?  She's a KID. Kids lie about all manner of things.  Having a big sit down family meeting is just going to make her feel ganged up upon by you because that's not how her Dad has handled things in the past.

What is she saying about you?  What does your DH think?

It seems to me that maybe you and your husband need to have a meeting--just the two of you--to discuss how what role the two of you can agree upon for you within the home.  I think family meetings to discuss an issue like lying would be over the top at this point. If anything, just have family dinner together.  That's when we visit and talk about our day.  Doesn't need to be something formal.



PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 11:05 AM
1 mom liked this
We don't have family meetings. We do a lot as a family and hang out together daily... We talk all day openly and fix issues when they happen, so there's no reason to have a specific sit down to talk through problems.

I can see why some families would need a sit down meeting though.

However, It sounds like your DH handled the parenting of his DD how he saw fit and you weren't satisfied with the results. I would talk to DH about this privately, not have a family meeting in this case. Your issue at this point is DH's parenting, and now you want to step in and do a parent talk because his wasn't good enough, which, IMO, isn't the right thing to do. Leave parenting to DH, talk to him about your concerns.
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 12:41 PM
I love family meetings but have never included my stepson. He wouldn't deal well with them. I call them to get the family back on the same page. My kids are used to them.

I wouldn't do this with the issue you are having. I'd work on improving my relationship with my stepkids. I think sometimes step parents forget to have fun under all the stress and that developes into resentment. Fun is a good cure for most things and the other things you can't control then let Dad deal with it.
rsmom2511
by Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 5:09 PM

Hmmm...Well if what birdseed writes is true, and you've stopped your SS from visiting his dad, then I suggest not calling a family meeting because your young SD will think for sure she's the next one on the chopping block! I like the idea of just a conversation over dinner....casually, like it just occurred to you to want to chat about some things. If SD is only in elementary school then she's a normal kid who tells lies sometimes to get in or out of situations. 

Mselb1925
by on Apr. 27, 2014 at 5:18 PM
They're retarded. A family should be able to talk openly at any time
Korben0306
by Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 5:19 PM
My sd 14- in 9th grade honors. The SN boy can come anytime, SN son was the ex wife and playing games and how she treats him (badly). With her not treating him well he lashes out when he's here. I have lots of structure. My son is 8. My husband is 42. So I can have a 14 year old stepdaughter and 8 year old son.

I typically have a good relationship with her just this was a doozy. I know more about her summer plans than her parents do. If it's something hazardous to herself I advise her father.
My husband is dealing with her. If it continues I will address it there in the spot. We have discussed it. We will be doing family meetings next month.
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 5:26 PM

Seriously?

Quoting Mselb1925: They're retarded. A family should be able to talk openly at any time


***Briterican***


Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 5:27 PM
2 moms liked this

I would say "no offense" as a premise to my response but meh...I actually do mean to be a little antagonizing here.  You are so damned vague.  You talk about a situation but you give no details.

So you're going to have family meetings about some mysterious lying that you do not discuss yet want opinions on.  You want to not include your SN SS--and he kind of is your SS because he's your DH's SS and your DH had a good relationship with him until you were around.

It's like you just don't get it. YOU are the interloper here.  You're the new thing.  You're the one who needs to adapt some.  You talk about all of these actions you want to take but you don't talk about WHY.  Like actual real information about why.  Which makes ME think that you're just being ridiculous.  <shrugs>

I'm not sure why you're even posting here.  It's like you've got it all figured out and are going to do what you want to do anyway so why are you here?  You don't seem to want to improve your relationship with the kids, you just want to railroad everyone into doing it your way.

And before you say it...no, I'm not a BM.


Quoting Korben0306: My sd 14- in 9th grade honors. The SN boy can come anytime, SN son was the ex wife and playing games and how she treats him (badly). With her not treating him well he lashes out when he's here. I have lots of structure. My son is 8. My husband is 42. So I can have a 14 year old stepdaughter and 8 year old son. I typically have a good relationship with her just this was a doozy. I know more about her summer plans than her parents do. If it's something hazardous to herself I advise her father. My husband is dealing with her. If it continues I will address it there in the spot. We have discussed it. We will be doing family meetings next month.


Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 5:29 PM
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That's a pretty insensitive thing to say.  I'm going to assume you're very young and don't understand that the use of the word "retarded" in this way is quite offensive to many.  Especially in THIS case where one of the kids is special needs.  Find a new word to replace "retarded" when what you mean is ridiculous, unnecessary or silly.  Retarded is not appropriate.  Lose that word.

Quoting Mselb1925: They're retarded. A family should be able to talk openly at any time


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