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Eerily ever worry about when the next shoe is going to drop?

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2014 at 2:23 PM
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BM in my sitch is usually asking for money and/or making threats/withholding visitation if her requests are denied.  Since December, we've been through Xmas issues, the SD16 car thing, Spring Break, and SD14 braces.  Typically, there is some kind of request at least once a month.  Since I paid off DH's portion of the braces for SD14 about a month ago though, it's been crickets.  It makes me nervous to be honest. 

I just got our June R&R planned.  The kids won't be out of school in time for the first 1/2 of DH's leave (which is not up to him) so he and I are meeting for a cruise.  The second week, we are renting a lovely little cottage near where the kids are spending their summer so he can see them.

I sent the info about the cottage to the kids (14 and 16) yesterday and asked them if they could plan to stay with us, we'll get them to work, yada yada.   But I didn't tell them about the cruise.  SD16 said she'd let mom know, gave me her work schedule, etc.   When I talked to DH today, I mentioned that I had not told them about the cruise.  He asked why.  And I said, "Because I just think that if BM knows about it right now, she's going to say that they can't stay with us. Or she's going to ask for something else.  Or she's going to throw a fit about something else.  I dunno. I just feel like it's been too quiet."

He agreed. It HAS been really quiet. 

I've been talking to SD16 a lot lately because I've been helping her get set up with a new tennis racket.  (also pissed BM off so you see, we can't win.  Spend money, don't spend money...we're jerks)  But anyway, things sound pretty good right now.  BM is talking about moving so maybe that's why she's being quiet. Who knows.  Just makes me feel a little twitchy.  I don't want to lie to the kids and I haven't.  I just said that Dad will be in town on X date.  By the time I post this, he may have already told them.  I dunno.  I just felt like it was a bad idea because it will trigger something with BM.

Is it just me?

by on Apr. 27, 2014 at 2:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 2:30 PM
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This is my biggest ... weakness? issue? ... I'm always anxious about the what ifs and the what will BM dos?
by Ruby Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 2:30 PM
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In your situation I wouldn't either. I'd hae zero qualms about keeping info from her because it's none of her business and she will use the info to her advantage in some way. Adults are entitled to time alone and it doesn't need to be explained or rationalized to children. Skids once tried to act salty that SO and I went to Vegas without them, SO told them right quick that he would NEVER be taking them to Vegas while they were children because it's not a place for children.
by Audra on Apr. 27, 2014 at 2:31 PM

Nope. It's your time with DH. No reason for them to know until you are ready to tell them. Like the day you are leaving. 

Do what my gram did to me. She called and said I'm getting on the boat now. Umm, what boat gram? I'm going on a cruise. Bye. 

I cracked up, she is 91. Go Gram! 

by on Apr. 27, 2014 at 2:43 PM
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It's not even really about the cruise.  It's about the fact that I've not heard any demands in over a month now so I have to wonder what is coming.

Every vacation with the kids has been a battle. Having a CO is worthless for stuff like that because until you miss it, there's nothing actionable.  KWIM? 

by on Apr. 27, 2014 at 2:46 PM
I hate the quietness too. We had three months of quiet and then shit hit the fan. It also comes in there's so be prepared. You can't win with some BM
by Bronze Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 6:18 PM

I know how you feel 100%!!!! When it's quiet DH and I both get worried about what the next thing will be that sets BM off, though I have a pretty good prediction rate on guessing what it will be! ;) lol

I think you are fine with not telling them about the cruise and I understand why you didn't!

by Bronze Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 6:25 PM
Ahhh the calm before the storm as i call it

Ive noticed this and mentioned it to SO
Comes to be true every time, now he knows and gets ready

Its horrible that you have to walk on eggshells. Crazy to have to hide your life because youre in fear of the HAND coming out just because youre spending on yourselves. Which you have every right to do.
by on Apr. 27, 2014 at 10:42 PM
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my ex is being abnormally kind and thoughtful. it worries me! LOL usually that is the sign that he's about to pull some huge stunt, or ask for something ridiculous!

as for the cruise? none of her business.

by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2014 at 11:53 PM
Yep I can relate. We had a quiet period for a couple months of relative peace, and now both exes are simultaneously falling off the parenting (and substance) wagon.
by Silver Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 3:30 AM

It's not just you. I assure you of that.

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