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Is this withholding visitation?

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 8:44 AM
  • 128 Replies

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I made a couple of posts about BM changing the visitation schedule as it no longer worked for her. She is only giving him the option of Tuesday or Thursday for his overnight. Unfortunately the CO does not specify days which he is hoping to change soon.

This was her response when he told her he would try for Thursday but may not get off work in time to get them to practice or games so he will have to pick them up from there.

"You guys" means ME, the SM. I was doing all transportation when dh couldn't but she was taking advantage and threw a fit when I didn't do things her way. I am no longer doing it and I'm letting dh handle it as if I don't even exist.

His last message he said, "no I can't when I have to work late and I'm supposed to get a chance to make days up." She never responded.
by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 8:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 8:48 AM
It's visitation withholding unless your CO states the parent has to take the child to ECs or forfeits their visit. If it doesn't say that, it's withholding and BM would be in contempt.

savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 8:49 AM
How long has this been going on??
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 8:55 AM
1 mom liked this

I have to agree with her.  If he can't do what needs to be done for them then he shouldn't get them.  Can he pick them up from the practice or game? 

When BF can't get DD to where she needs to be he lets me do it.  He does not make her miss out on things for his work schedule OR because he is too lazy to do the parenting work (yes, he does this, he won't deal with getting her anywhere before NOON on his weekends).  There are no make up days.  If he gives up half a Saturday because she has an 8:00 AM game to cheer on Saturday morning he gets her after the game.  He doesn't even ask to take my scheduled Saturday.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 8:58 AM

Sounds like BM is trying to tell you that they have obligations to their EC's and you guys won't take them to their EC's. What is in the CO about EC's? Also it does sound like she is exercising ROFR.

MamaBear131716
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 9:03 AM
About a month. First she mentioned Wednesday doesn't work because she wants them to go to church. So we tried Thursday on the off week. The first week I did all transportation and stayed up at the field until 10pm. Dh ended up working unusually late that night so he didn't get to see them until after I got home. The next time I waited until dh got off and because he got there late and hadn't formally announced he wanted to take them she wouldn't let him. Sunday nights, the other overnight, became an issue last week because I was late for the first time ever getting their oldest to school and the younger kids had to walk in the rain. I've always dropped them off at their house and did as I always did but somehow there was an issue that day and she got all upset. It ended in her saying he can't get them suns anymore and he had to choose between Tuesday and Thursday.

Quoting savingtheworld: How long has this been going on??
MamaBear131716
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 9:07 AM
No the thing is she wants ME to take them instead of her and if I can't then dh loses the night. I know they have an obligation. I'm not saying they shouldn't go or should miss out. I was doing transportation when dh couldn't but it got ugly so I stepped back.

The CO says they each have a right to attend ECs and be informed but nothing else.

Quoting baparrot2:

Sounds like BM is trying to tell you that they have obligations to their EC's and you guys won't take them to their EC's. What is in the CO about EC's? Also it does sound like she is exercising ROFR.

MamaBear131716
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 9:10 AM
Yes he can and that is what he was suggesting on nights he works past 5:30 but she said he can't have them if he doesn't get them to practice. That's the issue.

Quoting GlockMom:

I have to agree with her.  If he can't do what needs to be done for them then he shouldn't get them.  Can he pick them up from the practice or game? 

When BF can't get DD to where she needs to be he lets me do it.  He does not make her miss out on things for his work schedule OR because he is too lazy to do the parenting work (yes, he does this, he won't deal with getting her anywhere before NOON on his weekends).  There are no make up days.  If he gives up half a Saturday because she has an 8:00 AM game to cheer on Saturday morning he gets her after the game.  He doesn't even ask to take my scheduled Saturday.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 9:10 AM
1 mom liked this

He is not available to take them. You have bowed out of taking them....what exactly do you want her to do then? She's doing what she is being dealt with. SHE is making sure they get there since there are no other alternatives.

It is what it is.

I certainly would never use that text transmission in court. He may lose visitation.

Quoting MamaBear131716: No the thing is she wants ME to take them instead of her and if I can't then dh loses the night. I know they have an obligation. I'm not saying they shouldn't go or should miss out. I was doing transportation when dh couldn't but it got ugly so I stepped back.
Quoting baparrot2:

Sounds like BM is trying to tell you that they have obligations to their EC's and you guys won't take them to their EC's. What is in the CO about EC's? Also it does sound like she is exercising ROFR.


MamaBear131716
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 9:12 AM
She has physical custody. He has visitation.

Quoting baparrot2:

Sounds like BM is trying to tell you that they have obligations to their EC's and you guys won't take them to their EC's. What is in the CO about EC's? Also it does sound like she is exercising ROFR.

twinklebites
by Silver Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 9:13 AM
2 moms liked this

Not to me. He can't /won't do the EC's maybe sitting down and Ironing this out will be the only way to make this work, I dont know if mediation is the answer but it might be. It might be he has to give up week days . How much quality time can he spend with them on a week night if he gets then so late in the eveening?

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