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Need advice from other bio moms

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:06 PM
  • 116 Replies

Exh married a much younger woman with no children. Now she wants to be mom to my 16-year-old. She has has previously overstepped her bounds. I tried to discuss with exh and he took her side of things. 

Last week he called to tell me he was going out of town for six weeks for work and wanted me to know since we trade off taking our son to dental appointments. He mentioned our son might like to see his new wife while he was gone. I was non-commital saying I would discuss it with my son.

Behind my back exh strong-armed my son into agreeing to visitation with his step-mom of two years. I am very angry. I know my son wants to please his dad. I know he didn't mean to hurt my feelings. When I tried to sidestep the issue exh got very angry.

Do I send my son to the step-mom for visitation including the Memorial Day Weekend which was never discussed with me or stand my ground and keep my son at home where I feel he belongs? I feel strong armed into doing something I am uncomfortable with. 

by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lax5
by New Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:08 PM
7 moms liked this
She doesn't get visitation you ex does and since he won't be there I would say stand your ground!
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Nope. I would not send my kid to a visitation with a fairly new SM, especially if my child didn't really want to go.
RitaTequila531
by HushBreatheRelax on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Visitation has nothing to do with the step parent, he's there to spend time with his bio parent and if that can't happen, he should be with you.
I'd tell him No,
Is there a Custody agreement? I'd have this clause put in there if there is.
No one can strong arm you unless you let them. He doesn't call the shots.
Be strong and stand up for yourself and son
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OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:16 PM
1 mom liked this
This is ridiculous. Your ex should not have asked, and you DS should not be going to visit SM. You are his parent and can decide who he spends time with.
Tigress22304
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Yesterday at 6:36 PM
by Platinum Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Okay I'm a SM-and this is all sorts of wrong.

If Dad won't be there for his visit-then the child should stay with you.

If your CO doesn't have a ROFR-then get it in place NOW!

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:18 PM
5 moms liked this
Are you sure, your son was " strong-armed" into agreeing to see his SM?
I don't think it is done that easy with 16 yeas old boy.
What your son's opinion about spending time with his SM?
Maybe he really would like to visit her, but afraid to state his opinion, because it might hurt your feelings?
If your son was young child, I would say don't send him, visitation is for child and bio parent, but he is 16.
Would you change your mind, if he told you, it was his wish also to see his SM?
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kmur
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:18 PM
2 moms liked this
If your son don't want to go and you don't want him to go then he doesn't go.
PaytonsOnlyMom
by Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:21 PM
1 mom liked this

We do have a custody agreement. He agreed to give me sole custody immediately. We used one laywer. Divorce was amicable.We have never followed a strict custody agreement. We share all holidays unless previously agreed upon. He has open access to OUR child 24/7 365. I just feel like this relationship with SM is being pushed on me. My son seems a bit up in the air which is what gives me pause. Exh and I got along really well through several years and numerous girlfriends. Our rule has always been that our choices have to reflect our son's best interest. It has worked well until recently. The first time I met his current wife was at my exh and my 15 year high school reunion. Wanting to be nice I tried to buy her a beer but she wasn't of age yet. Very awkward. I feel like her lack of experience has caused our special needs child some undue stress over the years and I admit I don't like her. She has been a bit critical of him. I admit to being a protective mom, maybe too much sometimes. I don't want to make a big fuss over nothing or make a problem for future relations but this just really rubs me the wrong way. 

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I would not allow my child to go no.

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:30 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't be ok with my child going

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