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Let's try again...

Posted by on Apr. 30, 2014 at 11:47 PM
  • 93 Replies
I tried making a post about my difficult sm situation but I guess I put way too many details and ended up with more rude comments and questions than advice. So I'll try again.
I am raising my husbands 3 year old son. Mom is barley in the picture and my husband works out on an oil rig and is gone a lot. I know he's only 3 but SS and I don't really get along. I have no children of my own and have been raising him fully only for a year. I have no idea what I'm doing to say the least. SS is told to not like me and to be mean to mean and is told to not like me. And he is very determined to live up to what he is told. I am with him 98% of the time so I have full permission to discipline as I see fit. I have tried everything!! He does not listen he talks back no is his favorite word and he throws tantrums like I've never seen before. When he acts out I spank I take away toys I try time out (which he thinks is a joke) and I won't allow any tv (he rarely watches anyway. Mostly a kid movie before bed) I am drowning here. I don't know what I'm doing. I've read books articles I've talked to my mom a therapist everything. I'm assuming he's acting out because of the situation. Dad is only around two weeks a month mom is around two hours a week and he's stuck with me. And to him I'm daddy's new wife and not mommy so why should he listen to me. It probably doesn't help that his "mom" and Her family tell him to not like me or listen to me. I just need some help. What do I do!? Please help for the love of my sanity!!!
by on Apr. 30, 2014 at 11:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Have you tried any parenting classes? Love and Logic or some other one?

Also try to find a play therapist.  Those are both things that helped me.

lizzann
by Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 11:52 PM
1 mom liked this
That's the one thing I haven't tried! I really can't believe I didn't think of that. I think you might have just saved my life! Haha I've been so lost and so frustrated

Quoting Polkadotted:

Have you tried any parenting classes? Love and Logic or some other one?

Also try to find a play therapist.  Those are both things that helped me.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 11:56 PM
2 moms liked this

Oh FFS. 

Not going to offer any advice at this point.  Spent a bunch of time trying to give you good advice last time.

Good luck.


lizzann
by Member on May. 1, 2014 at 12:04 AM
Wow ok no need to be nasty. I didn't say I wouldn't take your advice. And if you already gave me advice there was no need for you to leave a rude comment. Isn't this bored for support!? Telling me for fu**s sake isn't very supportive. I'm dealing with a lot right now, obviously, so if you are just gonna be rude don't leave a comment. That simple.

Quoting Birdseed:

Oh FFS. 

Not going to offer any advice at this point.  Spent a bunch of time trying to give you good advice last time.

Good luck.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on May. 1, 2014 at 12:13 AM
1 mom liked this

did you delete earlier?  When you delete when people take the time to respond and then you delete it seems like you don't value their advice.  Even when the post wasn't getting the responses you wanted.

Quoting lizzann: Wow ok no need to be nasty. I didn't say I wouldn't take your advice. And if you already gave me advice there was no need for you to leave a rude comment. Isn't this bored for support!? Telling me for fu**s sake isn't very supportive. I'm dealing with a lot right now, obviously, so if you are just gonna be rude don't leave a comment. That simple.
Quoting Birdseed:

Oh FFS. 

Not going to offer any advice at this point.  Spent a bunch of time trying to give you good advice last time.

Good luck.



lizzann
by Member on May. 1, 2014 at 12:17 AM
Yes I deleted the other one cuz ppl were ganging up and being really rude. To the p that were kind and gave me advice I did not mean to offend of course. The other one was just becoming an attack so I deleted it. I posted about this situation cuz I need help and advice not to get attacked.

Quoting Polkadotted:

did you delete earlier?  When you delete when people take the time to respond and then you delete it seems like you don't value their advice.  Even when the post wasn't getting the responses you wanted.

Quoting lizzann: Wow ok no need to be nasty. I didn't say I wouldn't take your advice. And if you already gave me advice there was no need for you to leave a rude comment. Isn't this bored for support!? Telling me for fu**s sake isn't very supportive. I'm dealing with a lot right now, obviously, so if you are just gonna be rude don't leave a comment. That simple.

Quoting Birdseed:

Oh FFS. 

Not going to offer any advice at this point.  Spent a bunch of time trying to give you good advice last time.

Good luck.

stepdiva
by Silver Member on May. 1, 2014 at 12:29 AM
3 moms liked this
I honestly don't think mom's who have birthed their first children knew what they were doing either. But they learned. What I heard as I read your post was so negative, I can't imagine why he would like you.
Have you ever tried to just love him. And shame on you for spankung that little boy.
If you think I'm being unkind, I don't mean to be. I only hope you will take a step back and look at your role in this relationship.
lizzann
by Member on May. 1, 2014 at 12:47 AM
Yes I've tried stepping back and just being a friend in a way. Not fully friend I still let him know I'm taking care of him and we need to respect one another but the month and a half I tried that he walked all over me and thought he could do whatever he wanted and wouldn't listen even more! I feel like this has turned into such a disaster because all of a sudden I'm the primary care giver and I'm not mom or dad. I feel there is a lot of miscommunication and I think the biggest problem is me. I don't know how my role should be. I was thrown into this position. I'm not sure what I should and shouldn't be doing, you know?

Quoting stepdiva: I honestly don't think mom's who have birthed their first children knew what they were doing either. But they learned. What I heard as I read your post was so negative, I can't imagine why he would like you.
Have you ever tried to just love him. And shame on you for spankung that little boy.
If you think I'm being unkind, I don't mean to be. I only hope you will take a step back and look at your role in this relationship.
lizzann
by Member on May. 1, 2014 at 12:50 AM
At the end of the day, I think him and I are both confused and frustrated. I feel like crying all the time! I don't wanna be crazy dictator step mom but I don't wanna be door mat either. I guess I just can't find my groove with him and we can't bond because of that

Quoting lizzann: Yes I've tried stepping back and just being a friend in a way. Not fully friend I still let him know I'm taking care of him and we need to respect one another but the month and a half I tried that he walked all over me and thought he could do whatever he wanted and wouldn't listen even more! I feel like this has turned into such a disaster because all of a sudden I'm the primary care giver and I'm not mom or dad. I feel there is a lot of miscommunication and I think the biggest problem is me. I don't know how my role should be. I was thrown into this position. I'm not sure what I should and shouldn't be doing, you know?

Quoting stepdiva: I honestly don't think mom's who have birthed their first children knew what they were doing either. But they learned. What I heard as I read your post was so negative, I can't imagine why he would like you.
Have you ever tried to just love him. And shame on you for spankung that little boy.
If you think I'm being unkind, I don't mean to be. I only hope you will take a step back and look at your role in this relationship.
AnnieChristian_
by Bronze Member on May. 1, 2014 at 12:52 AM
What did Dad do with his son before you?
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