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Playing the victim

Posted by on May. 3, 2014 at 11:23 AM
  • 71 Replies
I will never understand why people always pull the "poor me" card. ESPECIALLY when they choose to have it the way it is. My dh and bm were talking about ss10 asking out my nieces friend, that he hasn't even met! The girl lied to him and said she already had a bf, my ss asked if she would go out with him anyways. He's 10! He's been told numerous times that he is not dating and that he's not allowed to post things on Instagram about dating. He posted a thing saying "like if you would date me" after my niece called me and told us ss asked out her friend, my dh tried calling bm but she didn't answer. So dh decided to write a comment on ss post that said "you have been talked to by me and your mom about posting this stuff, why is this here?"

Well that got bms attention and she sent dh a text saying "don't write stuff on his pictures, if you have something to tell him call him, that's a stupid way to handle it" dh said, I tried calling first and you and I have both talked to him multiple times and he still hasn't listened, if it was up to me he wouldn't have Instagram at all, so maybe my "stupid" way will finally work" bm says, "glad to know all the kids over there are perfect" dh- "I'm only worried about MY kids" bm- "well I'm only worried about 1 and its full time for me"

Why? Why play the victim? She always does this too. Dh has tried multiple times to get ss more often but she refuses. So it's fine if you want to do it all, but don't fucking bitch and complain about it!

Sorry vent over. I'm so sick of Instagram too. My boys will not have any social media until they are adults. (Maybe not that long, but certainly not at 10)
by on May. 3, 2014 at 11:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bothsidesofcoin
by Member on May. 3, 2014 at 11:42 AM
1 mom liked this
I would not let my 10 year old date. I don't let my 12 year old date. The 12 year old did set a FB account to keep in contact with his dad, sm and half brother . But I read his page regularly and look at his texts. I feel you though with the drama. I have a friend (ex friend) that was the perpetual victim. I finally told her she has too much drama and that her behavior contributes to 90% of her problems
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 3, 2014 at 12:19 PM
4 moms liked this

DH should have just ignored the text, he is free to address his son however he feels fit, he shouldn't even have given her an explanation.

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

annabl1970
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2014 at 12:29 PM
2 moms liked this
Ha she is the stupid one to even bring other kids into conversation about her son's behavior.



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sheramom4
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2014 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this

Personally I am not a fan of social media call outs and kids. I am also not a fan of a ten year old having IG. The only of the kids with IG is my 18 year old. DD15 has Facebook but DD12 and DD10 have zero social media. 

With this situation I would first ask your DH if he thinks his comment really did any good in terms of changing the behavior or making his point. I would also remind him that there are hills to die on and things to let go. The "like if you would date me" thing is a fairly benign post and really means zip. As long as he knows he is not going anywhere with any girl, let him have his little moment of two or three girls liking the picture. If anything, it's a bit of a self esteem boost. And then remind him again that dating is not happening. 


mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2014 at 12:58 PM

Given the title I thought this post of going to be about something way different...

MY ds is 10.  He just got a kindle for his bday.  Dh thinks he's too young for that.  I'm just not ok with social media and I made him sign a 'contract' of rules he has to follow regarding the internet or the kindle will be taken away.  Maybe have SS sign or too?  I just googled templates and ideas. 

As far as the post:  Bm felt like Dh was saying something about her parenting syles or was telling him to stay out of it.  Either way, I agree that dh shouldn't care and has every right to parent ss how ever him choices.  Shoot, he even included her in the comment, showing they parent as a team in a way.  I think that big of him. 

WickedPissah
by Cup Cakes on May. 3, 2014 at 1:26 PM
5 moms liked this
I wouldn't have called out a post on social media.
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2014 at 1:29 PM
3 moms liked this
I have done exactly what your DH has done in addition to... "Clean up your page or it goes down " and "GET THIS OFF!" and "Stop this." and "This is not appropriate."

I have deleted things and talked talked talked to them.

Your DH and I are not the only parents either. I have friends who I am friends with their kids and they have done the same.

Personally, I think addressing issues like this is perfect. It shows the kids they are being watched and anyone can view and comment. Sometimes less talky talky and more action is necessary.

Way to go DH!
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2014 at 1:34 PM
Yup.

Cher, do you think your DH is insecure in his parenting and feels the need to justify to BM? He doesn't. DH has a right to teach his son as he sees fit. He needs to work on getting secure in that.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

DH should have just ignored the text, he is free to address his son however he feels fit, he shouldn't even have given her an explanation.

cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 3, 2014 at 1:56 PM
I'm glad to hear this. He did try talking to him first and bm has talked to him multiple times too and he was still dis obeying. If he was 100% up to dh, he would of just taken the IG away. Ss immediately deleted the post and hasn't posted anything like that since, so it seemed to work! I just don't understand why bm has to act that way. They end up fighting because she says stuff like that to dh. If its not done her way it's wrong and stupid.

Quoting Silent_Sea: I have done exactly what your DH has done in addition to... "Clean up your page or it goes down " and "GET THIS OFF!" and "Stop this." and "This is not appropriate."

I have deleted things and talked talked talked to them.

Your DH and I are not the only parents either. I have friends who I am friends with their kids and they have done the same.

Personally, I think addressing issues like this is perfect. It shows the kids they are being watched and anyone can view and comment. Sometimes less talky talky and more action is necessary.

Way to go DH!
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2014 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this
He just needs to ignore her. Silence is sometimes the best response.

Quoting cdrainey3: I'm glad to hear this. He did try talking to him first and bm has talked to him multiple times too and he was still dis obeying. If he was 100% up to dh, he would of just taken the IG away. Ss immediately deleted the post and hasn't posted anything like that since, so it seemed to work! I just don't understand why bm has to act that way. They end up fighting because she says stuff like that to dh. If its not done her way it's wrong and stupid.

Quoting Silent_Sea: I have done exactly what your DH has done in addition to... "Clean up your page or it goes down " and "GET THIS OFF!" and "Stop this." and "This is not appropriate."

I have deleted things and talked talked talked to them.

Your DH and I are not the only parents either. I have friends who I am friends with their kids and they have done the same.

Personally, I think addressing issues like this is perfect. It shows the kids they are being watched and anyone can view and comment. Sometimes less talky talky and more action is necessary.

Way to go DH!
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