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skids not having their own rooms

Posted by on May. 3, 2014 at 1:34 PM
  • 71 Replies
We are currently renting out the two extra rooms in our house to some friends in need and ss3 and dd6 sleep in bed with dh and I when they come visit, well now bm is refusing to have ss3 spend the night because "I just can't think of him being in the same bed as her(me)" before she didn't let him stay because dh is a diabetic and she was afraid his sugar would go too high or too low during the night, and now it's me. She has told everyone that I'm nice and she trusts me with ss3 but now she leaves him with random friends and her boyfriend's parents to go party...so she can think about him being in bed with her boyfriend's parents but she can't think of him being in bed with his dad and me...? Dh doesn't know because gma doesn't want to tell him she said that to avoid drama...I think she needs a hard kick in the ass and hopefully she will wake up and come back to reality...Okay vent over
by on May. 3, 2014 at 1:34 PM
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Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2014 at 1:43 PM
15 moms liked this

Personally, I feel that it's very inappropriate to have the kids sleeping in bed with you.  If I were a BM (and I'm not) I would not allow it.  I think it's totally wonky and would be a deal breaker for me.  CAn't you at least get sleeping bags or an air mattress? 

Further, just so you are aware, some states actually have statutes about these things.  So your DH might find himself losing overnights if he cannot provide them their own beds.


samsmama88
by on May. 3, 2014 at 1:58 PM
Well on top of that ss3 can't sleep on his own and doesn't have his own bed at bm's or her bf's house or her bf's parents house because of his need for someone to be laying next to him when he sleeps
wise.toes
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2014 at 2:39 PM
6 moms liked this

uh yah. co sleeping with stepkids is a huge no no.

it's great you're helping people out, but IMO i would never do that at the cost of my childrens' comfort. that goes for my bio children as well as my steps.


and children CAN sleep on their own. he needs to be taught how. 

chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2014 at 2:40 PM
2 moms liked this
I wouldn't want my kids sleeping in the bed with my ex and SM.
AllieKat
by Member on May. 3, 2014 at 2:41 PM
This. I wouldn't want either of my kids forced to sleep in bed with you.

Quoting Birdseed:

Personally, I feel that it's very inappropriate to have the kids sleeping in bed with you.  If I were a BM (and I'm not) I would not allow it.  I think it's totally wonky and would be a deal breaker for me.  CAn't you at least get sleeping bags or an air mattress? 

Further, just so you are aware, some states actually have statutes about these things.  So your DH might find himself losing overnights if he cannot provide them their own beds.

rsmom2511
by Member on May. 3, 2014 at 2:52 PM
Very inappropriate and i agree with a PP about dh needing to watch his step because as of right now he is demonstrating that he cannot even provide a bed for his children. Bio mom is likely disgusted and waiting for dad to prove he gives a damn enough to get beds for his children. You, as SM shouldn't be sleeping with them. Im worried that you're playing with fire on this one .
sheramom4
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2014 at 2:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I have to say that although helping people is great, cramming your entire family into one bedroom for the comfort of someone else is not. The people in the other rooms could give up one room for the kids or just get them out altogether. A three bedroom house has enough room to ensure the kids have beds.

As far as him not sleeping alone, your DH can go lay down with him in his own bed until he sleeps. And then reduce the time. A healthy bedtime routine and a set place to sleep will help with that. 

mrsd2013
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2014 at 3:18 PM
3 moms liked this

You posted recently about conflict with bm right?  I can't remember the details... Are things high conflict in general right now?

Personally, as a Sm, I don't think there is anything immoral about sleeping with children or stepchildren per say but I didn't feel comfortable with doing it.  When I first met DH ss was 3 at the time and always wanted to sleep with us.  I had to be wicked stepmom and tell dh to get him into his own bad.  IMO, its just akward... DH and I have a bedtime routine with the kids now including bath, brushing teeth, bed time story, prayers, and dh lays with ss for a little while. 

I don't mean to be judgy but I think its weird that you have friends living there too.  It's nice that you are helping them out but maybe you should be focusing on what is good for the kids.  So maybe it is time to have your 'roommates' move out so your children can have rooms? 

WickedPissah
by Cup Cakes on May. 3, 2014 at 3:29 PM
4 moms liked this
The tit for tat game never works out.
Stop playing it.
Just because you think Bm is doing what you're doing doesn't make what you're doing a little OK.
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on May. 3, 2014 at 3:31 PM
5 moms liked this

I would not send my kids to dad's if they didn't have beds and had to share a bed with him and the SM. I would allow visits, but they would not be overnight.

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