Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Letting it out.....

Posted by on May. 4, 2014 at 3:47 PM
  • 8 Replies

I know that as a SM there's a lot that you have to just sit back and watch happen. I also know that you aren't allowed any control over most of the things that are going on right in front of you, but all of that logic can't seem to help me sometimes. I really do wish that BM would just get out of the picture, go off with the new family she has created and just focus on them, because I honestly don't think she will ever get herself together enough to be a healthy influence on SS11 and SS13. I know that sounds harsh, I might even get some really negative comments about that, but I wouldn't say it if her behavior has just been petty stupid sh** throughout the years, if there really wasn't a real solid reason to feel that way because I feel that kids need both parents, it takes a lot for me to think otherwise.

I just hate seeing the boys depend so much on her for validation. They can only do sports if SHE says it's okay, they can only like dad or SM if SHE doesn't bad mouth those people, etc. It's not the right kind of support, it's controlling, manipulative behavior. BM seems more interested in whatever she has going on at her house, then anything that's going on with her 2 sons that live with their dad, until recently anyways. Now all of a sudden she's decided to take visits she hasn't been taking for a year or more, she's "allowing" the boys to do football (she's really insistant about that particular sport for some reason now), she is taking DH into court to change custody (I have no idea how she would get more time when she hasn't been exercising all her visitation and she lives 1/2 hour away from the kids)

I don't know.....I know I posted a little while ago about this stuff not bothering me like it used to, and that's still the case, before, I would get consumed with feelings that would be really overwhelming, now I'm not like that, but these things still bother me, and I know they probably shouldn't. I really am a logical person, but when you live with 2 children, see them every day and see how little 1 of their parents invests in them, it pisses a person off! BM comes and picks up the kids, and she's got ridiculous multi-colored hair, she goofs off with her new 13 yr old SD while she's supposed to be talking with DH about THEIR kids, it's just stupid to me. It seems like she's becoming more and more immature, trying to relate to a 13 year old instead of being a 32 year old mother. 

I'm posting because sometimes I just need this sh** out of my head, letting it out a little helps me because I can be an over-thinker and I don't want the thoughts to overrun me, lol. 

by on May. 4, 2014 at 3:47 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
november117
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2014 at 5:23 PM
1 mom liked this
I hear ya. Venting is good for the brain. :)
1SpaZZedMom
by on May. 4, 2014 at 5:45 PM
2 moms liked this

I totally understand the over-thinking mind when it comes to SKs. I was a CSM a few years ago. Alienation attempts were successful because BM has to have complete control over her children. They turned on Dad, police and CPS were involved (countless times) and one day, it took a horrifying claim for custody to change immediately. DH didn't do anything wrong. It was SKs who made the "change in circumstances" that lead to custody change. 

Now life sucks because we still suffer the consequences of alienation. Damned if we don't try to do the right thing and damned if we do try to do the right thing. 

Your stich is in my thoughts and prayers because I KNOW all too well what you mean.

zannahdeux
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2014 at 6:52 AM
All you can hope is that bm has realized she has been non existent in her sons lives and has a change if heart.
mjc10
by on May. 5, 2014 at 7:05 AM
3 moms liked this

 I'm so in touch with what you're saying, I have 2 SD that are 18 and 16.  I've been with them since they were 10 and 8.  BM is controlling and wants to be their best friend not their mom and her choices prove that everyday.  Just want to say your post spoke to me.  Hope you feel better and I hope I do too.  We're playing a tough role, sometimes it feels like I'm 2 steps up 3 steps back. 

codysara
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2014 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this
I feel for you, it sucks not being able to do anything when we see BM's making our loved ones lives shitty. I haven't figured out how to not let it bother me. I hope she doesn't get the change approved and that it is not a drawn out process.
But side note, I often have crazy colored hair, tattoos and body piercings. What I look like has no correlation on my role as a mom.
lovelymomma87
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2014 at 10:22 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you. Oh and know, I absolutely have NO issue with that stuff with other people, I've dyed my hair non-natural colors, I'd have tattoos if I could afford them, lol (still planning) and I have a pierced tounge. I knew mentioning that would make me seem judgemental, and I think I when it comes to BM, because of the rest of her behavior. It seems like she's trying to act like a 13 yr old, instead of a 32 year old mother. I'm sorry if I offended you, the only person that bothers me with this is her, and it's not so much the looks as her as a person. Does that make sense?

Quoting codysara: I feel for you, it sucks not being able to do anything when we see BM's making our loved ones lives shitty. I haven't figured out how to not let it bother me. I hope she doesn't get the change approved and that it is not a drawn out process. But side note, I often have crazy colored hair, tattoos and body piercings. What I look like has no correlation on my role as a mom.


lovelymomma87
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2014 at 10:33 AM

Yeah, I don't understand the whole wanting to be friends with your kids thing. The funny thing too, most of the guidelines, rules and such that we have had in place for the boys were things that she had for them when SHE had custody, but as soon as my DH got custody, she threw it all out the window. What makes me so sad as well is the fact that she's spending so much time doing other things, that she doesn't know her own childrens' personality. The other night, my SS13 was talking to his mom on the phone and he was trying to be funny and playful and she accused him of being disrespectful. It was so dumb, because it made him feel confused and probably bad. She asked him: "Why do you sound crusty?" He's like, "If you mean that I sound old, I don't" Then she corrected herself and asked why he sounded crabby, he said he wasn't. The conversation progressed and she asked what he did over the weekend, well, we had been car shopping the whole day before, but he chose not to tell her that, and said that he had eaten Hotdogs and Hamburgers. She said: "That's all you did?" He started laughing and said yeah, and that's when she accused him of being disrespectful and if he didn't want to talk to her, he didn't have to. He was so taken aback, I felt bad for him.

To me, it's like, if you actually took the time to get to know your children, then things like that wouldn't happen, and I would put money on the fact that this probably wasn't the first conversation like this. 

Quoting mjc10:

 I'm so in touch with what you're saying, I have 2 SD that are 18 and 16.  I've been with them since they were 10 and 8.  BM is controlling and wants to be their best friend not their mom and her choices prove that everyday.  Just want to say your post spoke to me.  Hope you feel better and I hope I do too.  We're playing a tough role, sometimes it feels like I'm 2 steps up 3 steps back. 


CFSTBSM27
by on May. 8, 2014 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this
Vent away because sometimes you need too..We HATE some of the things BM chooses to do and how it will effect SD later in life. Me more so than DH because I know exactly what happens to girls who grow up with a distorted view of relationships. I don't think BM is a very good role model for a little girl.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)